What does Christmas mean to you?

It was never about Santa Claus or Christmas trees...
Do you know the true mean of Christmas?

Emmanuel has come
by Don Moen

Christmas is about His glory
Christmas is about His grace
Christmas is a gift of love
Our Father gave us
More than just another story
About a special time and place
Christmas is a time to lift
A song of praise

(chorus )
For God is with us
And we celebrate the glory of His presence
Christ has come to fill our hearts with love
He came to save us
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
His name is Jesus
God with us
Emmanuel has come

Angels fill the night with singing
God is reaching out to man
Bringing us a gift of hope in Christ our Savior
More than just a time of giving
This is God’s eternal plan
And Christmas is the reason we can sing again

(chorus )
For God is with us
And we celebrate the glory of His presence
Christ has come to fill our hearts with love
He came to save us
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
His name is Jesus
God with us
Emmanuel has come

Trust

So many things on my mind that I do not know what to write anymore. I guess at times trust between people is rather fragile. Just one incident can cause it to be broken, and once broken, it's difficult to build it up again. Maybe it's better this way. At least I do not have to be too mindful of them anymore or to be afraid of antagonizing them. We were never friends to begin with.

To be joyful in all circumstances, whether good or bad.

Look up to the Cross and I could see the ultimate sacrifice.

To be betrayed by the very people He had come to save.

Who am I to complain now?

Short-term memory

Realised that my memory is getting from bad to worse nowadays, especially when I'm at work. So prone to forgeting things that were on my mind just a few seconds ago.

if only some things were that easy to forget...

Time

Let's see if this can get posted.

Read in the newspaper today that some companies are using SMS as an added feature in their queue system, so that people do not have to waste time queuing up. Guess that's good isn't it? But at times I wonder, is that really true? Are we really in such a rush that we cannot afford to wait for perhaps 15 - 30 minutes anymore? There seemed to be a trend; fast food, SMS queue system, instant food etc. Customers are expecting so much, in so little time. And aren't we all customers as well? With everything done so fast and efficiently, one would think that we would have more time on our hands now. Yet don't we always lament about how fast time flies and how we always do not have enough time?

Patience. It's really getting rare nowadays.

Should I stay or should I go?

3 years...perhaps it's time to move on...

Lunch, shopping, dinner

The weekend is ending, really soon.

Yesterday was quite a packed day. Went to Hyatt for lunch to celebrate my bro's birthday in advance, cos his actual birthday is this coming Saturday. Then, I went over to the newly-opened Vivocity to meet SJ and Ting. It was supercrowded!! Perhaps more crowded than TM on a Sat evening. Shopped a little while there and I finally bought a new pair of sandals, after delibrating for so many weeks. Maybe it's just me, but there are times when I have gotten so used to something that I did not want to change it until I'm forced to.

Anyway, we ended up eating at Subway as everywhere else was so packed. And as usual, I ended up late for LG. Heez, so what else is new huh?

Guess it's fairly easy to see everything in the short-term and missed the big picture altogether. Why do we always get so hung up on the little things that we perhaps will never know the answer to and yet neglect to work on the things that we can control?

Does adversity really make a better man out of us? The more we have, the more we can lose. That's so true isn't it? Does my spirit need to be broken before it can be whole again?

I'm just afraid I won't be strong enough

Working Style

Your Working Style

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to ideas or people you care about. You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values.

You stick to your ideals with passionate conviction. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by a quiet reserve.

In everyday matters you are tolerant, open-minded, understanding, flexible, and adaptable. But if your inner loyalties are threatened, you will not give an inch. Except for your work's sake, you have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

Your main interest lies in seeing the possibilities beyond what is present, obvious, or known. You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you--human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you care deeply about something.

You are curious about new ideas and tend to have insight and long-range vision. You are interested in books and language and are likely to have a gift of expression; with talent you may be excellent writers. You can be ingenious and persuasive on the subject of your enthusiasms, which are quiet but deep-rooted. You are often attracted to counseling, teaching, literature, art, science, or psychology.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can happen even when, objectively, you are being as effecive as others. It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become overly sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself.

Tired

I know I've mentioned before that I only want to blog about happy things in this blog, but...

I'm feeling really tired. Not just today, but for the past 2 weeks. Wonder what got into me. Felt like being irresponsible and not caring anymore. Read somewhere that Fiona means persevering. Guess I'm not very true to my name then. Maybe I'm stressed out but I don't know why. It's not as if the workload is that heavy.

What is happening?? Is this delayed reaction to the start of my working life?? Can somebody please enlighten me?

Hello!!! It's been so long hasn't it? But anyway, I'm back. So did you all miss me?? Ok, I know I'm rambling a little here. Just a little update. Actually, I'm not really sure what to update because there's nothing interesting going on in my life since the last time I blogged.

Anyway, I went cycling a few weeks ago at East Coast Park. Only my second time cycling in a park and to make things worst, there were so many people there. Fortunately I did not crash into anyone. Oh well, think it'll be quite a while before I'll cycle there again.

Oh ya, I bought a cactus recently too. It's now seating on my office table. Hopefully it will survive. =X

Handbags

I got 4 handbags as birthday presents this year. Haha..did my friends actually think that I'm in need of handbags so much?? But then again, one can never have too many handbags. =)

I'm into my second month of work life now, and still getting used to it. Don't know why but I'm starting to miss my school life. Maybe it's because school term is supposed to start last week, if I had chosen to continue studying. Life always seemed to be such a dilemma. I remembered that just 8 months ago, I was delibrating on whether I should graduate or to continue into my fourth year. I guess I would never know if I had made the right decision, but it's too late for regrets now.

Lord, feeling really tired at times. When can I go home to You?

Update

It's been quite a while since the last time I've updated. So much so that I almost forgot my password =P

Spent national day with SJ and Ting. SJ and I wanted to watch "The Lakehouse" initially but unfortunately all the tickets were sold out. So we ended up shopping instead while waiting for Ting to arrive.

Really glad that Ting is back from Denmark. 6 weeks really passed by pretty quick. And I've already being working for close to 2 months.

Also 'celebrated' my 22nd birthday in a different way this year. With the whole company. Well, I don't wish to elaborate here. If you want to know, just ask me k. Seemed not so long ago that I just celebrated my 21st birthday, and now I'm already 22. Well, whatever it is, I just want to say a big 'thank you' to everyone for the birthday wishes and gifts.

1 week

It's been a while since I've blogged. Indeed, it has been a rather hectic week and I guess I'm still getting used to the work and everything. Well, at least there are things to do now.

Anyway, just the other day as I was taking the mrt back from work, I happened to see an advert on the train. It was on the Singapore Food Festival 2006. Heez, it has already been one year. Somehow, looking at that brought back some memories. Even the logo still looks the same. Yet I know that things have changed. Guess there's no point looking at the past when I should be looking at the future instead.

Just beginning

Monday will be another beginning again. And as always, I'm filled with mixed feelings. But that aside, I wished to blog about something else today.

'Man looks at the external appearance but the Lord looks at the heart'

I guess this is a truth that I knew a long time ago, just that it re-surfaces time and again. It is so easy to see things on the surface. Yet after a while, what you feel inside will reflect on your behaviour. After all, how long can we put on the pretense? Will I, filled with enthusiasm now, be like that one or two years down the road as well? Have I been too naive, thinking that things are just as what they appeared to be? Or am I reading too much into some things?

But maybe I don't care anyway. At the end, what is it that really matters? I supposed we have to think beyond long term. And if we have eternity set in our hearts, what is all these anymore?

Felt a little bored at work today. Heez...really hoped things will improve in the days to come. After all, it's only the first day.

It is just so easy to dismiss him, or to push aside the matter altogether. Thinking that we don't need him or that we can always go to him in our times of need when we need him, if we need him. Psalm 14 reflected these sentiments perfectly.


Psalm 14

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God.

They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge? who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the LORD.

There were they in great fear: for God is in the generation of the righteous.

Ye have shamed the counsel of the poor, because the LORD is his refuge.

Oh that the salvation of Israel were come out of Zion! when the LORD bringeth back the captivity of his people, Jacob shall rejoice, and Israel shall be glad.



One day every knee will bow down and every tongue will confess that you are God. But will it be too late? Lord, please have mercy and open their eyes...

The more they push...the closer I'll get...

Letting go? Moving on?

I don't really know what to make of this anymore. I kept telling myself that I should give this another chance. Maybe if I put in more effort, maybe if I talk to them more, maybe if I could love them more...So many maybes. Maybe I should just forget about it. I guess it was over a long time ago. I was just unwilling to let go, because I know that once I do, I'll need to move out of my comfort zone. Not that my current one is that comfortable anyway. But it sure beats finding and meeting new people all over again. Maybe I'm more afraid that wherever I go, I'll realised that people are all the same. Another maybe.

But what is the point of holding on to something that will lead to nothing in the end? The longer I stay, the less willing I will be to eventually move on. Two years is a long enough time to get to know someone. Yet how much do I know about them and how much do they know about me? Sometimes, time really isn't a good indicator of how well you know a person.

Actually I was thinking of what to do at the start of the week, but what happened made me move one step closer to my eventual decision. I mean, it's not even about what they are going to watch. If they cared even a little about what I feel, couldn't they just suggest another show? But no, they went ahead with their initial decision.

I pray that there'll be something for me to stay for,
that maybe there's a reason for insisting on watching it,
but these actions are just pushing me further away....

Musical

Yesterday evening, I watched a musical with Ting and Jo at the University Cultural Centre, complimentary of NUS since it was part of the centennial celebrations. Come to think of it, throughout my three years in NUS, that was the first time that I watched a musical at the UCC. Wondering when it will be the next time that we'll be able to do that again.

The musical, "Man of Letters", was pretty nice. Liked the songs and the acting. It's about a love story, set in Singapore during the 1950s-60s. Think they'll be showing til Sunday, so if any of you are free, maybe can go over to watch it too.

Retreat and dinner

I had a rather packed Vesak day weekend, with the teacher's retreat yesterday and the 17-up fellowship dinner this evening. Maybe will start with the teacher's retreat first. I felt that it was really good because not only did we learn more on how to teach the children and get their attention, we also got to know each other better. The teaching by Priscilla was useful as well and even though it was only a one-day retreat, I was glad that I had gone for it. And not to mention that the food was also very scrumptious.

For most of the group and workshop sessions, we sat according to the age groups that we are teaching so that we can share and learn from each other. As we sat there sharing with each other, I started thinking about how it is a blessing to be teaching alongside dedicated teachers like them. Perhaps the people that you're working with really does make a difference after all.

Another Vesak day. A year had passed.

Only a dream?

I believed I've written sometime before that I'm looking for a job as I'll be graduating this year. So if anyone has any openings, let me know k. Haha.

Recently, it seemed that many of my friends are graduating around the same time as well and are hence also searching for jobs. For those not graduating, they are also searching, though it is temporary jobs for them. The government had said that the economy is improving, so I guess this will be a good time as any to be graduating.

I was also rather envious of those who already got a job before they have even finished the school term, and I began to wonder why it is that it is so easy for them but so hard for me to just find a decent job. Then I realised that, in a midst of all these, I seemed to have forgotten something.

What is it that I really want? I believed only a few of my close friends knew about this dream of mine. And I wonder if it could ever be a reality, or will it just remain a dream? Maybe it's still too soon to tell. But my passion still remains. Not in climbing the corporate ladder, but in something close to my heart.

Aoccdrning to a rscheeah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny ipronetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The reset can be a totoal mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit probelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervery lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Yes, I'm bored. Haha.

Never about them

I was randomly surfing the net when I came across this poem by Kent Keith. I have no idea who he is either but I just thought the poem was nice. So here it is.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered:
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives:
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies: Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you:
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight:
Build anyway.

If you find happiness and serenity, others may be jealous:
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow:
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough:
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God:
It was never about them anyway.

Blisters

Got blisters on both my feet. ARGGHH!!! So painful right now. Ok, no heels for a week until they recovered.

For the past week, I've been sending out resumes for job applications. Hopefully will be able to get some response for a decent job instead of offers to be insurance agents, finanicial planners and the likes. Oh well, guess I'll just be enjoying my holiday for now =)

Endings

Yupz, last friday marks the last day of my study in NUS. The last paper might be deemed as significant to some but somehow I don't really feel anything much at all on friday. Maybe it's delayed reaction. I don't know.

So what's next? I guess I have to find a job now. Somehow I don't feel very prepared for working life. Well, maybe I'll never be prepared for that.

I never really like endings, because with each ending comes a beginning. And I'm not partial to beginnings either. I liked things to remain status quo, within my comfort zone. But then again, that will get boring as well after a while. I think I've just contradicted myself.

If you think I'm just rambling here, you're probably right. That's because I'm hardly in any mood to blog about anything substantial right now. Maybe another day then.

New skin

Just changed my blogskin. *Yay*
Ooh, and it's the first of May today. Yeah I know, this is quite random. =P

Another one

You scored as Arwen. You're Arwen Evenstar! This elven princess may not get in on too much action, but she's always optimistic and hopeful for the future. She does what she can to help her love, Aragorn, who is off fighting, and is always supportive of him.

"I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone."

Arwen 75% Eowyn 69% Frodo 63% Aragorn 63% Gandalf 63% Samwise 56% Gollum 50% Pippin 44% Faramir 38% Which LOTR character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Which LOTR character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Quizzes!!

A little break from studying for Info Sys, so decided to do some quizzes that I saw from a friend's blog:

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance. At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower. And at other times, you are wise like an iris. And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

Haha ok...I'm a little cold....

You Are 64% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Not very accurate leh..I've a younger bro

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You don't really value honesty. You do value getting your way, no matter what. And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem. A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!) Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Ok...so I'm not very honest...

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Rocking the boat??!! It must really be hidden then, even I myself am not aware of this...

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Oops...got the same as Kia for this...

Keke...think I should end here now, lest I get too addicted to these things.

Ulcer

I've an ulcer in my mouth and it's so painful!!!

Bleah....don't want to talk... )=

2000 years

2000 years since his death and they're still persecuting him....

Will it ever end?

The Five Love Languages

My primary love languages are probably
Acts of Service and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service:		10
Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		5
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Watch the Lamb

The pastor let us hear this song during the good friday service...


Watch the Lamb

Words and music by Ray Boltz

Walking on the road to Jerusalem
The time had come to sacrifice again
My two small sons,
They walked beside me on the road
The reason that they came
Was to watch the lamb

CHORUS:
Daddy, daddy what will we see there?
There's so much we don't understand
So I told them of Moses
And Father Abraham
And then I said,
Dear children, Watch the lamb

For there will be so many
In Jerusalem today
We must be sure the lamb
Doesn't run away
And I told them of Moses
And Father Abraham
And then I said,
Dear children, Watch the lamb

When we reached the city
I knew something must be wrong
There were no joyful worshippers
No joyful worship songs
I stood there with my children
In the midst of angry men
And then I heard the crowd cry out,
Crucify Him

We tried to leave the city
But we could not get away
Forced to play in this drama,
A part I did not wish to play
Why upon this day
Were men condemned to die?
Why were we standing here
Where soon they would pass by?

I look and said, Even now they come
The first one cried for mercy,
The people gave him none
The second one was violent,
He was arrogant and loud
I still can hear his angry voice
Screaming at the crowd

Then someone said, There's Jesus!
And I scarce believed my eyes
A man so badly beaten,
He barely looked alive
Blood poured from His body,
From the thorns upon His brow
Running down the cross
And falling to the ground

I watched Him as He struggled
I watched Him as He fell
The cross came down upon His back,
The crowd began to yell
In that moment I felt such agony
In that moment I felt such loss
Until a Roman soldier grabbed my arm
And screamed, You, carry His cross!

At first I tried to resist him
Then his hand reached for his sword
And so I knelt and took
The cross from the Lord
I placed it on my shoulder
And started down the street
The blood that He'd been shedding
Was running down my cheek

They led us to Golgotha
They drove nails
Deep in His feet and hands
And yet upon the cross
I heard Him pray, Father forgive them
Oh, never have I seen such love
In any other eyes
Into thy hands I commit My spirit,
He prayed and then He died

I stood for what seemed like years
I'd lost all sense of time
Until I felt two tiny hands
Holding tight to mine
My children stood there weeping
I heard the oldest say
Father, please forgive us
The lamb ran away

Daddy, daddy what have we seen here?
There's so much
That we don't understand
So I took them in my arms
And we turned and faced the cross
And then I said,
Dear children, watch the Lamb

©1986 Shepherd Boy Music/ASCAP (exclusively administered by Integrated Copyright Group, P.O. Box 24149, Nashville, TN 37202). All rights reserved

Looking back...

Yupz...the sem's ending soon. Just 2 more weeks and it's officially over. Guess there're mixed feelings here: trepidation and excitment, since I don't really know what to expect after graduation. Looking back, perhaps those were the feelings that I had when I first entered university as well. Oh yes, all the projects are over as well, with the final one, Marketing Research, ending yesterday. Suddenly felt like recalling all my projects for the past three years. Well, my memory fails me at times, so pardon me if I can't remember some of the details and group members.

First sem 2003/2004

Management and Organization:
We had to do a video project for this. I was in the same group as Huiling and Xiuqi (we were from the same OG) and four other guys. It was pretty fun, mostly the video recording part and thanks to the guys, our video was one of the best for the module. Could remember that we spent about 4 hours every wednesday afternoon for this project (which is only 20% of the total!!), but guess the end result was worth it.

Financial Accounting:
Think we had to do a project on Hourglass, so we spent quite a lot of time pouring over the financial statements of this company. I can't really remember the names of my group mates but I think none were from business. Anyway, we didn't really do very well for this project and it also made me realise that perhaps I do not have the apitude for finance after all.

Legal Environment of Business:
This was rather enjoyable and it was through this project that I really got to know Shujun and Ting Ting better. Little would I know then that both of them would become 2 of my closest friends from Business. Wonder what would have happened if we weren't in the same class or group then.

Introduction to Statistics:
I was in the same group with 2 Vietnamese, 1 Indonesian and 1 Singaporean. Pretty international huh. We didn't really spend that much time on the project since it's not a very big one but it was still quite enjoyable nevertheless.

Second sem 2003/2004

Principles of Marketing:
The project for this wasn't that major, unlike for the previous semester where the students had to do a marketing plan for this module. Remembered that Prof Lau was the lecturer then. Pretty funny lecturer. My tutor was nice too. Anyway, since the project wasn't major, we did it pretty last minute and as expected, we didn't do that well for it either. Thankfully, it wasn't a huge percentage of the total grade.

Macro and International Economics:
Can't really remember the group for this. But can vaguely remember that there were three in a group.

Finance:
I can't even remember if there was a project for this...

First sem 2004/2005

Asia Pacific Business and Society:
First module where we were formally introduced to business cases. I could still remember that we were the first group for both case presentations. Unfortunately, that did not work to our advantage.

Operations Management:
The project for this was rather minor as it was just a presentation of our individual reports. But I could still remember that we did a graphical representation of the RFID usage in supermarkets using powerpoint and spent quite some time doing that as well.

Business Communication:
There were 2 separate groups for this. One for the tutorial presentation and another where we had to do a business report. For the latter, we did on the taxi industry and the five of us (me, Ting, An Lian, Ka Lai and Rekha) got closer after the project, and it was through that project that I got to know An Lian as well. Also made me realised that the stereotype that exchange students are irresponsible is not always right and Rekha proved this. Also felt that this was the few modules that was really useful and applicable to real life as it taught us how to write reports and make presentations and so on.

Managerial Accounting:
Another finance module. Anyway, the project was just a tutorial presentation. Oh ya, I was in the same group as Rekha for this module as well.

Second sem 2004/2005

Management Science:
Was there a project for this?? Hmm...

Asian Markets and Marketing Management:
First module I took where the "ticketing system" was actually used. Actually, I did like the teachings though not this system. Anyway, we did on Coke for this project and we were the first group to present. As expected, it didn't go very well. But I did get to know Joanna through this.

Human Resource Management:
Another group project with an exchange student, Debbie. She was really friendly and yes, she did her work well too. There were two projects for this. We were the first group to present for the first project and the last for the second. Don't ask me why I always get such arrangements. I wished to know too. Anyway, since the second project was on international HRM, we actually did a video interview of an expat professor from NUS. Yupz, finally got to put my video editing skills to some use, not that it's that fantastic anyway..Haha..And not to forget, this was the first time I worked with Claire too, and definitely not the last.


First sem 2005/2006

Leisure, Recreation and Tourism:
Wondered what possessed me to take this module after my disastrous attempt with the first Arts module I took, Singapore Society. But I don't regret taking it. For this project, we went to MacRitchie Reservoir and I'm ashamed to say that it was my first time there. Got to know Xiaofen, Xuelin and Victoria through this too. The lectures were also very enjoyable though sad to say, I didn't score that well for this module.

Consumer Behaviour:
This was a rather interactive module. Though my first impression wasn't that good, I guess the professor managed to change that impression after subsequent weeks. The class was really spontaneous in contributing to the discussion and this was one of the few modules where I could actually feel relaxed in class. Anyway, our group project was on aero-modelling (or radio-controlled aircrafts) and we had to interview the people who were really into this hobby. For this, we went to Clementi one night and then to Tuas another evening. It was really an eye-opener and I guess we all learnt quite alot from this experience as well. The group was really nice too (we were the only all-girls group in class) and I could still remember the times we spent on the project. Really long hours, and there were times when we did digress from the task at hand. Ok, we didn't score an A for this project in the end but if I had to choose again, I guess I would still choose to be in this same group.

Leadership in Organisations:
There were a few unpleasant occurances during the course of this project. Firstly, one of our members left mid-way (she was an exchange student who went back to her home country mid-sem) and left us to complete her part. Just when I had thought that my experience with exchange students were all wonderful, she had to spoil that. Then the rest of the members got really busy so I was left to finish her part. That was pretty annoying because it wasn't that I was that free anyway. But I shall not start ranting here again. Well, the good news is that we managed to get an A for the project.

Organisational Effectiveness:
We did a case study on Five-Star beer. My second time working with Claire and first with Freddy and Jiamin. Can't remember how many times it has been working with Ting though. Think it went alright I guess since I manage to get a pretty decent grade for this module.

Second sem 2005/2006

Organizational Behaviour:
Got to work with familiar people again, namely Claire, Jiamin, Shaoting and Ting. Considering that we were almost separated at the beginning, it made us all the more determined to do our best for this module. Though I do not know how we fared for this project (we did on blogging) yet, I guess we did learn quite a fare bit from this as well. The professor was really helpful during the consultations and through this project, we learnt how to formulate hypothesis, develop an appropriate survey, analyse the results and present everything in the report. There was also an article contribution part which was pair work and I did with a Vietnamese girl. We had to do on Hiv at the workplace and most of our meetings went rather efficiently.

Information Systems Applications:
Was in the same group as Joanna and Ting and we did on Amazon. To spice things up a little during our presentations, we even had a little game (snakes and ladders) for the class. Fortunately, the class were really sporting and they gamely took part.

Business Policy and Strategy:
The project was a case study on Ben & Jerry's, and I must say that this is one of the few projects where we did not really spend a lot of time discussing on. We split up the work after the second meeting and everyone just did their own parts, though there were quite a number of editings to be made after that.

Marketing Research:
The project was on Pampers Premium and in the beginning I admit that I was rather apprehensive about this project, mainly because the professor actually allocate the group for us. He spilt up the groups according to our names in the register, but Ting and I still ended up in different groups even though my name was just below hers in the register!! But I guess there's a reason for everything. Though I do not know how we'll do for this project, it did progress better than I had expected. I managed to know some people who I had known, or should have known. Jacklyn was my ex-colleague. David was from crusade, though I did not know that until then. And Siew Siew was from TPJC too. So I guess we we were connected in some way or another after all. And everyone did put in effort for the project too, from going down to expo for four to five hours to survey the mothers to spending a few hours meeting each week to discuss the project. I wished we would do well for this but even if we don't, I thank God for the people that I've met through this project.



So that's about it I guess. My three years summarised in one entry. Of course there were other things as well, besides the academic part, but I shall leave all that to another time. This entry's long enough, for those who actually bother to read til the end.

You laid aside Your majesty

You laid aside Your majesty,
Gave up everything for me,
Suffer'd at the hands of those you have created.

You took all my guilt and shame,
When You died and rose again;
Now today You reign, in heav'n and earth exalted.

I really want to worship You, my Lord,
You have won my heart and I am Yours
For ever and ever; I will love You.
You are the only one who died for me,
Give Your life to set me free,
So I lift my voice to You, in adoration...


Thank You

Over

Presentation's over!! Yay~

Yupz...i also saw 3 jaguars juz now on my way back from school. 2 off-white and 1 black. :)

A new start

Yupz...i've changed my blog addy. Please don't ask me why. Haha. Ya....I've also realised that most of my previous entries were on rather unhappy thoughts. So from now onwards, I'll try my best to blog on happier stuff.

A new addy = a new start

OB presentation tomorrow. *fingerscrossed*

Well, I was wrong. I didn't know blogging could cause misunderstandings. I thought it was just a way to express my feelings. Maybe I should think twice before posting anything. Maybe I was just too insensitive. Am I confusing you? Heez, I'm actually referring to my post last thursday (which I've deleted).

I guess I had wrote that entry when I was feeling particularly down and it seemed, at that time, that I wasn't sure if I had made the right choice at the beginning. Yes, there are times when I'd let such thoughts creep into my mind. The feelings of inadequacy. And in comparison with the other groups, I had felt that I had accomplished nothing. This feeling had little to do with the others in the group. If anything, they've been really supportive and encouraging. I shouldn't be comparing with the other groups and take the one that I have for granted. I believed that it was not by chance that we were put together. That what we've gained should not be measured by worldly standards. Now, thinking back, it seemed like there are lessons to be learnt from all these. Above it all, I felt that God has been really gracious through this period of time. He let me fall, but He was always there to help me up. He showed me that all is not lost even when it seemed like there isn't anything left to do anymore. He slowly made me realised that there are certain things I can control and some I just can't. And of course, He let me get to know 2 wonderful girls. Special in their own different ways. I know this sounds cliched, but if I could turn back time, I would still wished for us to be in the same group again.

Yes, you're right. Perhaps I do not need your approval. But what I cherish is our friendship. If I've given you any reason to think otherwise, I'm sorry for that.

"Spotting"

"A dancer stops him or herself from getting dizzy by "spotting": focussing on one point for as long as possible before turning the head round in the spin to catch up with the body and focus on the same spot. The head is therefore being kept as still as possible for as long a time as possible while the body is continually moving."

Maybe that's how life is about as well. We're all constantly moving, trying to keep up with the competition. Yet in the midst of it all, there should always be a focus or we'll end up getting dizzy, or rather, disillusioned by everything that happened.

Guess that was what happened to me. I took my eyes off Him and I started to fall. In the process, I might have dragged others down along with me as well. It took me a while to realise that I'd lost my focus and that's why I've stumbled, choosing instead to believe the lies of the devil. Yet all that should really matter is His approval.

Only Jesus can heal a broken spirit.

Made for another world

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"The stickers only stick if you let them"

"The stickers only stick if you let them"

from the Wemmicks by Max Lucado


similarly, words and actions can only hurt you if you let them.

You can't hurt me anymore

Wemmicks

Saw this really cool story on my friend's blog. Go take a look if you're free. Makes you think about the whole expectations and perceptions thingy.

http://selkiesound.bravepages.com/Wemmicks.htm

"Greatly mistaken"??

Yes, I know I sounded irritated. That's because I'm really irritated. It's only a small matter for goodness sake. Why does he have to blow it up? What do you not understand from my email? Do you not understand English? You don't understand even when I spoke to you over the phone. Are you even listening? I don't think I can communicate to him, be it written or spoken. "Greatly mistaken!!" About what?? I think you're the one who is greatly mistaken. I'm not hoping for a perfect environment or anything but this is really too much. Is it so hard to even clarify over email? If you don't understand then ask lah, stop assuming things for yourself. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother about this. Maybe this is a sign. It's really sad that this should happen, just when I kept hoping that there will be something to make me stay on. Just when I was comtemplating leaving and I can't because of the responsibility. This just makes things so much easier doesn't it?

Hold on to patience

For those who think that the previous entry had something to do with the one before that, well, you thought wrong. Those two entries are not related to each other. Yet somehow, they seemed to lead to the same kind of feelings. Yesterday during harvest week, we met this girl who seemed to be looking for some sort of signs. Then she asked us how we can be sure if something's a sign and not just what we want it to be. So many questions.

Anyway back to the topic on signs. Sometimes, you just can't help but wonder how random events could actually have some kind of meaning after all. And what happened today proved it. I know it was no coincidence. Just one change and everything would have been so different. Reminds me of the 'butterfly effect' that Cher mentioned on Wed. How one little action could lead to bigger things happening.

I will not shed a tear for someone who's not worth it in the first place.

On to another issue, I find myself counting down the days and hoping so much that things would improve. That they'll do something to give me a reason to stay on. Some kind of signs maybe?

Reminded me of this song:

E V E R Y T H I N G I N I T S T I M E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo & Carole Bayer Sager
Copyright 2001 Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP) / All About Me
Music adm. by Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time


Yupz...everything in its time...Everything's in His hands anyway...

It's over. Finally.

expectations vs reality

It's really strange how it is that expectations can affect how you perform, or how you respond. After all, why should we be so affected by others' perceptions of us? I guess it could work both ways. I could still remember my secondary four Chinese teacher who kept persuading me to drop Higher Chinese because she didn't expect me to do well, probably because I got a B3 for my O'level Chinese. Anyway, that actually caused me to want to take Higher Chinese, partly to prove her wrong. Well, in the end, I got a B3, which wasn't that fantastic but at least it's enough to exempt me from taking Chinese at A'levels. I'm still not sure if I've made the right decision to persist despite what she had said but in this case, her low expectations of me had motivated me to want to work harder.

Unfortunately, that was not always the case for me. At times, such expectations just made me want to give up. I guess those people in question would perhaps never read this, but I'll still write it out anyway. Hah. Maybe they won't care even if they do read this. That basically sums everything up, doesn't it? Their attitudes, expectations, whatsoever. Just got the feeling that whatever I do or say won't make any difference. That to them I am just this quiet girl. I wonder why it had to turn out this way. I wonder why I am still persisting. Am I still hoping that perhaps their perceptions of me will change? It shouldn't be like this. Is this what heaven will be like? I really wished so much that we'll be able to share with each other our feelings without all these pre-conceptions of each other. Isn't that the purpose of this group in the first place?

But...they never really did believe in me. Patronizing at best; even condescending at other times. At first I thought that the problem lies with me. Then I realised that it takes two hands to clap. I don't even want to try to understand them anymore because there aren't any more excuses to make for them. Sometimes I wonder, are we even friends? How much do we understand each other despite knowing each other for so many years?

It wasn't like that with him or her or the others, who were mostly not even Christians. As I've mentioned before, if I only believed because of people, I would have stop believing a long time ago.

It shouldn't be like this. But it is. Expectations versus reality.
It's already March; almost half-way through the 6 months deadline.
Losing hope but still praying for a miracle.

Mind-block. Can't get any ideas out.
I've been stuck at the same paragraph since 12 hours ago.
What are the cost and benefits of IS in provision shops?
It's only a 5 page report for goodness sake. Why can't I just finish it??

Don't know why I've been feeling distracted.
Wonder why I've to get myself into all these.
Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I just didn't take that first step and agree to take on that responsibility.
What was I thinking then? That I could really make a difference?
Being feeling discouraged over the spate of events recently.
Well, perhaps things weren't that great last sem and we did take quite a while to get started. But I thought this sem would be different, now that we've gotten to know each other better.

What matters is not the size, but what we could learn together as a group. I felt that I've failed in this aspect. That somehow I could not measure up. That perhaps they might be better off being under someone else instead.

Don't get me wrong, I love these people but I'm just so tired now. I just felt like giving up. Perhaps they don't need me anyway.

Personality test

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. (do i really look at both sides?? =P)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. (oh dear, then how? I can't read minds leh)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (ya...that is if i manage to meet that person)

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. (....)

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. (erm...watever this means...)

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. (this is quite true though)

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. (no leh...where got anyone ask me for advice?)

You can try it too at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Hindsight

On hindsight, everything seems clearer. Yet hindsight is a luxury most of us cannot afford most of the time.

Just read my bro's most recent blog entry. A part of me just wished to tell him: Why are you still thinking of her? Get over it already, she's not worth it!! There are better girls out there. But how can I do that? Not when I used to behave in that way too. Heez...and I thought only girls would be that foolish. What I don't understand is that why must she behave in that way? I mean, is an email that difficult to reply? Does she really think she's so wonderful that so many guys are going after her till she doesn't even have time to reply to one email?

Yes, ok, I know I'm being biased here 'cos this is only one side of the story. Maybe she's really busy. Maybe she didn't receive it. Maybe it got sent to her junk folder instead and she deleted it accidentally. So many 'maybes'. Reminded me of the rationalization theory i.e. finding excuses for certain behaviour.

Perhaps at times we'd prefer to indulge in our own little fantasies and keep on hoping and wishing than face the cold, hard truth. Then again, as I've mentioned before, who am I to comment?

Journey

J O U R N E Y
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 1999, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
and I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it seems no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

'Cause it's a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you


Guess there are times I feel this way too. It's a long, long journey till I find my way home to you.

Mid-term break

Today marks the beginning of the mid-semester break and there seemed to be so many things to do: OB project on blogging, MR pampers survey, IT term paper, Biz pol test and so on. The list just seemed to go on and on. So I decided to do my QT instead.

Why did I think that God can wait? That other things are more important than He is? How much time does doing QT take anyway? 15, 20 min? I know that time should never be a valid excuse. It's the attitude that matters.

Yesterday, during dg, my dgl was talking about accountability and mine was to pray consistently. Yes, I did say that I wanted to pray about future directions but before all that I guess all I really wanted was to be in His presence again. To really talk to God without getting distracted. In the midst of my busyness, I know that I have been neglecting my relationship with Him and it has been taking its toll on me. It's so much easier to just go along with everything and before I know it, I find myself drifting so far from where I'd like to be. Perhaps this break is just what I'd need to get back on track again.

After all, if I do not have Jesus, what do I have?
In this world full of hurt and brokenness, it is this perfect love that embraces all. A love that makes all things possible. A love that perhaps I'll never understand.

Thank you Lord for your love...

the Race

I've been wanting to blog about this for the past few days but could not find the time to do so till today. Yup I went for the USR with three other friends over the weekend. For those who do not know, USR actually stands for Uniquely Singapore Race and it was a 2 day 1 night affair aka the Amazing Race. Well, it turned out to be more of a race than amazing as groups just need to run through the checkpoints most of the time. Ok, the other groups ran, we just walked most of the time, especially on the second day.

We went to quite a lot of places, such as Labrador Park, Qian Hu and Sembawang hot springs to name a few. But I guess we (or maybe it's only me) were kind of disappointed that we didn't really get to eat much during the race and on the few occasions when we did, we had to pay for the food ourselves.

On the first day, we went to mostly well-known places like the three ethnic areas and Suntec city. The clues were quite alright though it was nothing like the Food and Heritage Challenge last year. The ending point for the first day was East Coast Park. Initially I'd thought that they would be nice enough to actually give us beds but perhaps I was too optimistic. Everyone ended up sleeping on the floor. Oh well, at least there was shelter.

The second day we went to MacRitchie Reservoir for the first stop. It was my second time there after the LRT project on the tree-top walk but somehow the feeling was rather different this time round. Anyway we made a mistake and ended up spending quite a long time there. From there we went to Chua Chu Kang and then to Qian Hu farm, where we need to catch fishes as our task. That was one of the more enjoyable tasks (though I only managed to catch 1 fish but thanks to my other group members we managed to complete the task). The next stop was Sembawang satay club where we had to grill our own satay (only 5 sticks) and finish the "Yu Sheng". As we were eating, we could see the other groups gobbling down the food yet we simply sat down and took our own sweet time to eat. In fact, the station master even came over and asked if we're enjoying the food. Haha... I can't really remember the stops after that but I remembered going to Upper Seletar Reservoir (ya, 2 reservoirs in 1 day) for one of the stops. It was almost evening by then so the view there was really nice. Anlian commented that it was like God showering his love on us and I couldn't agree more.

Other than these, there were also other places that we went but I guess I shall not put everything in here, lest it gets too boring. Yupz, really thankful for my three friends namely Anlian, Jo and Ting. Thanks for enduring my whining throughout the two days. Though we did not win anything in the end, I guess we're not in this for the prizes anyway.

three weeks

It has been three weeks since school started, and I guessed I've more or less gotten used to the pace. Before long, life will get more hectic with project deadlines, quizzes and so on. Well, I guessed I will miss school life after all. Yet as much as I would like to keep this moment forever, the reality is that life goes on and we all need to move on as well.

Recently, there were people who asked me what I will be doing after I graduate when I told them that I will be graduating this semester. But thing is, I don't know. I really don't. I know that perhaps I should start searching for jobs now, or at least that's the advice I've been getting. Maybe I'm just not in a rush to start working yet. Funny that I don't really feel scared yet. Perhaps the reality of it has not really set in. Perhaps a part of me just wished that I do not have to graduate or start working. Yet I do not want to continue studying either.

Sometimes I wonder: is this all there is to life? Study, get a degree, get a good job, get married, have children, retire etc. Will we truly be happy then? Or rather, is life only about pursuing our own happiness? Am I placing too much emphasis on the things that will only last while we're alive on this earth and forgetting that there're will be so much more beyond our life here? This world can be so shallow. Placing our faith and trust in worldly possessions will only bring about greater hurt and pain when we finally realised where it's all getting to in the end. Nowhere.

At times we have to learn this the hard way. I know I have, and still learning.

I'm in that pensive mood again. Beginning to think that time is not an accurate indicator of the depth of relationship. Are my expectations really that high? Or did I get it wrong right from the start? I know I've blogged about this before, but I felt like doing this again. Heez...I've been in this group for 2 years and at times I feel that there's no progress at all. It shouldn't be like this should it? Where is the love here? Was it even there in the first place? I recalled what the teacher said during the TED sessions at Meta camp, he said that the opposite of love isn't hatred, it's indifference. Ya, that's the general feeling that I get in that group. Indifference. No matter how hard I try to reach them, it just didn't seemed to work. It takes 2 hands to clap. Well, many hands in this case. I can't do this alone and I am getting tired. I have tried, so many times before. And each time it turned out the same. It feels like ym all over again as the memories come rushing back. I though I could get away from it all but how could I when it's the same people again and again? I hate to just give up and go away but this has to stop some time right? I am not looking for a perfect lg but at least one that cares for each other. Lord, why is it still like this after all these years? 6 months. I'll try my best for these 6 months. If things still don't work out, then I guess I just have to move on. There's no point dragging things further.

the first week

The first week of school has just passed, though I only had 2 days of school (ok, it's 3 if i count the Saturday make-up as well). I think I've finally come to a decision regarding whether I should take honours or double major. Well, sort of anyway. And the thing is, I don't think I'll be doing either, 'cos I think I'll be graduating this semester. Although I'm not exactly looking forward to working ife either, I guess it is a reality that I cannot run away from. Maybe I'm just tired of school life, though I would prefer it to working. I guess I have to make up my mind sooner or later anyway.

3 more months to go. Somehow, I know these 3 months will pass by in a flash, just as it was before. I used to hope that the semester will pass faster so that it'll be holidays but this time's different isn't it? There are some people who have their whole career set out for them even before they graduate. Well, guess I'm not one of them. I honestly do not know what I'm going to do after I graduate but I guess things will always work out. After all, at the end of it all, what's really important?

Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

Does He care about how smart you are, how pretty you are, how popular you are etc? I'm thankful that He judge us not by the world's standard, but by how we are inside.

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelations 7:17

One day, we'll all be there. If only you'll believe.