A post

Someone said that I've not blogged for quite a while so here am I blogging again. Hehe

Actually I did not blog because I didn't think that there was anything interesting going on in my life at the moment. That, and the fact that I was lazy too.

Perhaps just a little update then. I'm currently attending the Baptism and Membership class in my church. It's pretty interesting. Got to know some new friends and some "old" friends better too. Have been contemplating on something recently, but have not really come to a decision yet. Oh well, we shall see how it goes I supposed.

Anyway, there is also the the company retreat to Batam near the end of April, which meant that I had to skip the confirmation ceremony. If only the retreat could have ended earlier. Haiz.

And after that would be the trip to Cameron Highlands with Ting and Shujun. *yay* Even though it will just be a short one, at least it's something that we can look forward to.

Tried this test again. The accuracy of it really creeps me out at times...



It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

I finally sent the email to Maurice. Perhaps I’ve decided that this is the best way. After all, how many times can I continue to delude myself, to make myself believe that there was something worth staying on for?

Because I was never a part of them.
Because I don’t belong there.
Because I can’t really get along with them anyway

Just take it that I am selfish. I want them to be concerned about me. To really treat me as a friend and not merely as a member of the group.

But that didn’t happen.

You know, there are two ways that people can hurt you. One is by the things that they do and the other is by what they didn’t.

I’m tired. I just gave up. I don’t want to carry on anymore. I don’t need to prove to anyone anything.

I don’t want to push all the blame to them. After all, I was partly at fault too. I didn’t ever open up much with them. I couldn’t.

But it’s not their fault. Some things just can’t be forced. And in their defence, they didn’t know how I had felt in the first place. So perhaps it’s best to make an exit now instead of dragging it on. Just didn’t realise that it has been so difficult to make this decision. Maybe I was still hoping that some things could change.


Jialing, Cheryl, Kris, Ryan, Joel, Jeremy, Ralph
Though you’ll never read my blog, I wish you all the best….
And if you happen to chance upon this entry, now you know how I feel but I guess that would hardly matter now….

Should I go?

This will be one of my rambling posts, so you can don't read it. I just want to get it off my chest.


I don't know why I had to put myself in such a dilemma. Perhaps it's just so hard to break away when you've been there for so long. I don't even know how to reply them now.

But it's nothing really. Nothing happened.
Yet maybe that's the problem.
There was nothing
Maybe it worked for them, but somehow I don't really feel belonged there.
Perhaps I never will, and I have been deluding myself all along.

It was like that last year, and the year before. So what makes me think this year will be any different. It has to end one day, right?

I hate to leave like this. I wanted so much for things to go right. A fellowship where there is trust and openness. But all I felt was emptiness. This feels like history repeating itself again.

Looking back now, I'm not even sure if there's anything that I could have done differently.
Except maybe to get out, instead of dragging it on year after year. There are only so many excuses I can make.

Colorgenics test

Colorgenics Test
http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

A little break

Finally had the time to update my blog. The past few days have been rather hectic since it was year-end. Really thankful that today and tomorrow were holidays. Guess I didn't realise how beneficial a little break can be. Even my weekends had been rather packed since I've started work, probably because that was the only time that I would get to go out and meet up with friends.

It's another year again. The past 6 months have been rather eventful, though it had gone by without much fanfare and surprises either. I had graduated, found a job and the economy is good. Looking back, I realised that God had blessed me in more ways than one yet I still lamented about the things that I lacked. Perhaps my new year resolution this year should be to learn to be grateful for what I have and not complain so much. I still remembered the resolution I made at the beginning of last year, regarding the lg. Oh well, I suppose it's time to move on and not to stick to my comfort zone anymore.

what does the future hold? I guess only God knows...

What does Christmas mean to you?

It was never about Santa Claus or Christmas trees...
Do you know the true mean of Christmas?

Emmanuel has come
by Don Moen

Christmas is about His glory
Christmas is about His grace
Christmas is a gift of love
Our Father gave us
More than just another story
About a special time and place
Christmas is a time to lift
A song of praise

(chorus )
For God is with us
And we celebrate the glory of His presence
Christ has come to fill our hearts with love
He came to save us
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
His name is Jesus
God with us
Emmanuel has come

Angels fill the night with singing
God is reaching out to man
Bringing us a gift of hope in Christ our Savior
More than just a time of giving
This is God’s eternal plan
And Christmas is the reason we can sing again

(chorus )
For God is with us
And we celebrate the glory of His presence
Christ has come to fill our hearts with love
He came to save us
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
His name is Jesus
God with us
Emmanuel has come

Trust

So many things on my mind that I do not know what to write anymore. I guess at times trust between people is rather fragile. Just one incident can cause it to be broken, and once broken, it's difficult to build it up again. Maybe it's better this way. At least I do not have to be too mindful of them anymore or to be afraid of antagonizing them. We were never friends to begin with.

To be joyful in all circumstances, whether good or bad.

Look up to the Cross and I could see the ultimate sacrifice.

To be betrayed by the very people He had come to save.

Who am I to complain now?

Short-term memory

Realised that my memory is getting from bad to worse nowadays, especially when I'm at work. So prone to forgeting things that were on my mind just a few seconds ago.

if only some things were that easy to forget...

Time

Let's see if this can get posted.

Read in the newspaper today that some companies are using SMS as an added feature in their queue system, so that people do not have to waste time queuing up. Guess that's good isn't it? But at times I wonder, is that really true? Are we really in such a rush that we cannot afford to wait for perhaps 15 - 30 minutes anymore? There seemed to be a trend; fast food, SMS queue system, instant food etc. Customers are expecting so much, in so little time. And aren't we all customers as well? With everything done so fast and efficiently, one would think that we would have more time on our hands now. Yet don't we always lament about how fast time flies and how we always do not have enough time?

Patience. It's really getting rare nowadays.