Some time back, I read an article comparing male and female bosses. There was also a poll taken regarding which gender people usually prefer to be their boss. As expected, most prefer male bosses. However, having both male and female bosses, past and present, I felt that there is no difference. Maybe it's just a matter of perception after all. Whatever the case, it is usually the female bosses who would have to work doubly hard to prove their worth.

And I guess, this doesn't only apply to women who are bosses.

If you think I'm not up to it in the first place, then don't agree to let me take it up...




Remembered what my ACCA lecturer always told us. We are like plants and if we can't bloom, it could be it's the wrong soil. Should I change soil before I wither?

Farewell...

The above pic probably came 10 months late...

About 10 months ago, I remembered being faced with mixed feelings as I was embarking on a new phase in my career.

No, it's not that I'm thinking of leaving now. It's just that a fellow colleague who will be leaving in 2 days brought back some memories of my own farewell 10 months ago.

I'm glad to have left with fond memories of that place...
Or maybe I only chose to remember the good parts...

Posted on 1 Sept, 11.30pm

I finally understood how XQ felt when she blogged the other time about her 'well-meaning' colleagues.

Yes, I know their intentions are good and I really appreciate it...

But I just don't feel that I'm missing anything in my life.

Is it so wrong to be single? And it's not as if I'm the only single woman in the office.

bleah...

arhhh...why is this world so shallow?

Fragile

I think a life can be so fragile...

sometimes we wonder, why do bad things happen to good people?
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on a happier note, Monday is over!!!
the office is so empty today. so many people on leave.

it has been a rather busy weekend:
christmas outreach at the hospice on friday afternoon
movie at vivo, followed by a friend's grandmother's wake
piano concert on sat evening

and i've bought my christmas pressies too :) :) :)

i've no idea why i'm typing in small caps today though ;P

A bit bored at work today.

Went for lesson after work and the lecturer was so long-winded the class finished 1 hour late.

Took a cab home and yes, I remembered my file this time :P

I'm blogging now as I've nothing to do while waiting for my hair to dry. Well, actually that's not true 'cos I do have other things to do but I'm just too lazy to start doing them.

What should I blog about? Lalala....

Is my life getting so mundane that I do not have anything to blog about at all, or is inertia setting in?

Maybe it's just the quarter-life crisis.

Maybe life is such a contradiction after all. When things are going alright, we find it boring. But when problems and obstacles start appearing, we complain.

Humans. So hard to satisfy.

I've a friend who keeps saying that nobody understands her and what she is going through. I wonder, can a person actually truly understand another person? After all, we are all different and even if we were to go through the same experiences, that is not to say that we will feel the same way about it.

Oh well, who am I to judge anyway?

Therapy

Had a rather bad day at the office today. So decided to indulge in some retail therapy after work. Maybe I shouldn't shop when I'm in a bad mood, as I ended up with 1 skirt, 1 jacket and 2 dresses. Then again, I did need some work clothes as well :)

Actually, shopping doesn't really make me feel better, it just takes my mind off the things that had happened. Perhaps I should have gone to the gym instead, except that my membership had expired.

Wanted to complain but suddenly remembered this verse

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Philipians 2:14-16

I'm so full,

I felt like puking.
Serve me right for stuffing my face with so much food. =P

It's such a cold day today, and I actually shivered, a little, after coming out of the shower. And I'm contemplating warming up with my hair dryer. Yes, I've finally bought a hair dryer too.

Anyway, this morning, I wanted to log into my Lotus Notes at work, as per my usual routine every morning, when I realised that I had actually forgotten my password!! So I had to get IT to reset my password, which seemed to be quite a tedious process as I only got my new password at 2 plus. Not to mention that I almost lost my temper at the IT engineer who passed me the new password because I couldn't log in at first.

The wonderful part was that after I could finally log in successfully and changed my password, I suddenly recalled my previous password. *Faint*

But come to think of it, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise too, because not checking my email did free me up to do more things in the morning. Not that reading emails is a waste of time.

During dinner just now, Mel (our 'Er Jie') shared with us a vision she had. It was on dancing the Waltz with Jesus. And what a beautiful imagery it was too. It reminded me of the time I had learnt ballroom dancing about 5 years ago. Maybe I'll take it up again. Anyone keen to learn together with me?

I'm still feeling full, and Pet Society couldn't seem to load.

Just borrowed a book from my cousin, and felt like reading it even though I'm feeling rather sleepy now.

Oh ya, speaking of my cuz: Congrats on your O'levels results!!

Posted on 12 Jan 2009, Monday, 11.50pm

Goodbye...

Today was my boss' last day at work. She'll be migrating to Australlia after her retirement. I never would have thought that she would leave so soon, but many things are beyond my expectations anyway.

Yet in spite of everything, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow in this area of my life. Though she might not have been a very personal boss, she had always been very supportive of us, and defending us when needed. And I admire her for her integrity, because to me, that is one of the most important characteristics for a boss to have.

Well, it is said that a picture speaks a thousand words, so here's one...

Posted on 11 Oct 2008, Sat, 12am

D and D

Just came back from the company's Dinner and Dance. It was quite fun. Got to see colleagues dressed up to the nines, and of course, the talent time was very entertaining as well. If you want to know more, ask me k.

I still remembered the first D&D I went to 2 years ago, and it fell on my birthday that year. Anyway, for this year's, I wore the same dress that I had worn during the Centennial Dinner, because I couldn't find another suitable dress.

But this time I brought my digi cam, so here are some pics...

Me with Stella

With Sam

Posted on 5 Oct 2008, Sunday, 2 am

After the dinner...

I had promised to update on the dinner tonight. It was held at the Raffles Convention Centre ballroom. Quite a grand affair I guess, since the PM was the guest of honour.

The food was pretty good, with some lobster dish as the appetizer. Maybe I'll upload a picture of it once I figure out how to do so from my handphone. Didn't really take many pictures actually as my hp camera has such a low resolution. Maybe someone will send me some pictures later.

But honestly, no matter how good the food was, it just couldn't measure up to the dinner with Ting and SJ at Marche last Wednesday. Because at the end of it all, it really is the company that matters.

Posted on 26 Aug 2008, Tuesday, 11PM

Ceaseless striving??

We went to Malacca over the weekend for a company seminar cum retreat. It was quite alright I supposed. First time in Malacca, but we didn't really get much time to shop around. Well, at least we can save the money. We should always think positive right?

The above is a diagram from one of the speaker's presentation. It was supposed to describe the various reactions to complaints, but I feel that it can apply to other parts of our life as well.

"Take Action" + "No control" = Ceaseless striving.

Guess there's no point trying to control things that are beyond our control. A chasing after the wind.

Seminar aside, I read Kia's blog and in it she mentioned that perhaps true love is a cash cow invented by the media. I supposed it is true that love has been sensationalized and romanticised by the media. How could something that was supposed to be true love 5 years ago turned out otherwise 5 years later, she asked? How can someone who loved you in the past hurt you so much now?

Well, people change. And maybe true love doesn't exist. Or maybe it does. How will we know? But we choose what to believe in. And I want to believe, however hopelessly impossible it might be, that true love does exist.

Here I am blogging at 1 a.m. in the morning. Don't ask me why.

There are so many things that I wished to blog about. To just write my thoughts and feelings down before I forget about them. Yet, I know that in the end, it would be impossible to record all here.

I just finished reading two books by Paulo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes" and "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". Guess I had developed a fondness for his books after reading "The Alchemist". Basically, there's a common theme that runs through these books, which is about chasing after our dreams. In The Alchemist, the shepherd boy was searching for treasure, while in Eleven Minutes, the prostitute, Maria, was looking for love. I also started reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" again.

It is as if I had re-discovered the joy of reading once again. I remembered that during my secondary and JC days, I had loved reading. But somehow, I didn't read that much during my Uni days, except perhaps the textbooks and reading materials.

To me, one of the simple pleasures of life is to have a good book to read, and a nice glass of milk to drink (But then again, I'm lactose intolerance. Haha). Yes, I know I can be easily contented.

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In a blink of an eye, the first quarter of the year had already passed. It seemed like so many things had happened during the past three months. Yet at times, it seemed as if nothing has changed.

Three months into the new system, work has more or less settled down for most of us, except for a few problems that somehow refused to go away. But other than the occasional hiccups, things appeared to be back on track, and once again, I am able to leave the office before 7pm on most days.

At times, I feel that it is so easy to get stuck in the rut when things are going well. The temptation to stay in our comfort zones and not move. After all, what is the point of getting out into the unknown, one might ask?

Oh Lord, what do you want me to do?

My Working Style

Actually I took this quiz 2 years ago. Out of curiosity, I tried it again today. Perhaps to see if the results remained the same. Turned out that it was, which should not be that surprising after all.


Your Working Style
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. When you are care, you care deeply, but are more likely to show your feeling by deeds rather than words. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to things or people you care about.

You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values. You stick to your values with passionate conviction, but can be influenced by someone you care deeply about. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by quiet reserve.

In everyday activities you are tolerant, open-mind, flexible, and adaptable. If one of your inner loyalties is threatened, though, you will not give and inch. You usually enjoy the present moment, and do not like to spoil it by rushing to get thing done. You have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

You are interested mainly in the realities brought to you by your senses, both inner and outer. You are apt to enjoy fields where taste, discrimination, and a sense of beauty and proportion are important. You have a special love of nature and a sympathy with animals. You often excel in craftsmanship and the work of your hands is usually more eloquent than words.

You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you-- human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you deeply care about something, and are particularly suited for work that requires both devotion and a large measure of adaptability.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can be true even when you are being as effective as others. You take for granted anything you do well and are the most modest of all the types, tending to underrate and understate yourself.

It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become too sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself. Actually, you have much to give and need only to find the spot where you are needed.

The little ironies of life

I think I'm becoming lactose intolerance. Yesterday, I met Ting and SJ for dinner at Vivo. We went to an Italian restaurant and had pizza and pasta, both of which contained a lot of cheese. The food was really nice. But this morning I woke up with a stomach ache.

Thing is, I like cheese, and milk. But what happens when eating, or doing, something that you like (and supposed to be good) makes you sick? That's the irony of life I supposed. Perhaps I have to think of other ways to get my calcium now.

Anyway I had this conversation with a friend over msn a few days ago. Told him that work had been leaving most of us feeling frustrated recently, and he said why don't I quit? I replied I don't want to just quit. Then he said that I'll never quit in that case. Ah well, another irony of life I guessed. Just like what I told Angie before: sometimes we have to be careful what we asked for.

I have so many things going through my mind now that I do not know where to start. Perhaps a short break is beneficial after all. At least it allows me to think and reflect back on what had happened during the past few weeks. Existing problems and shortcomings were further amplified by the current situation. As I had blogged before, people were behaving out of character, contributing to the already tense atmosphere.

But I'm done with whining and complaining.

I am reminded once again of the story about the Potter and the Clay. After all, how many times in our lives are we able to experience this? Instead of embracing the challenges and striving ahead, we threw our hands up in the air and lament about the past and the 'good old days'. At times I feel sorry for this new system. Though it is true that there are still problems to overcome, I feel that it was not given a fair trial. We were so inclined to compare it to the past system, so much so that we forgot that the 2 systems were completely different. We went in with unrealistic expectations of what this system can bring, and when problems cropped up, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And in a way, this attitude is reflected on how people were treated as well. This comparison between the old and the new, and failing to see that both are completely different. I know comparison is inevitable and more often than not, it boils down more to the person who is doing the comparison than those who are being compared. The new might never be as good as the old in terms of experience and knowledge. The sad thing is, very few people realise this. Perhaps they'll never understand until they are in that situation themselves, and even then, they still might not.

But I don't seek their understanding. Not anymore. People can compare all they want but they have to realise eventually that we are different. I admit that I was hurt by all these comparisons before but I've come to realise that this is one shortcoming that God wants me to overcome. A stronghold that I have been struggling with since the first day I came. I have to stop letting pride get in the way. After all, I am not here to knock anyone off the pedestral. There isn't a need to.

Just as it is with the new system. The old is never coming back again. We can either adjust our mindset and accept this new system for what it is, with its advantages and disadvantages; or we can continue looking back at what is past and in the process, forgetting that we are living in the present.

Where there is a need...He will provide...

It's Saturday again. Somehow, a part of me wishes that the weekend never ends. But I guess everything has to come to an end eventually. I thought the week before was hectic, and that things will be alright once the system is up and running. I thought wrong. This week has been anything but that. Almost everyone seemed tense and impatient and all of a sudden, people started getting on each other's nerves. It was beginning to get difficult to keep our cool when the pressure was on us.

At times, I wonder why it is that God has to put us through all these. Yet I believed He has a reason for everything. Just as what one of my colleagues said a few days ago, through this system change, we could see the other side of our fellow colleagues.

Through it all, I still thanked God for small mercies. After all, there is nothing too big or difficult for Him to handle. And where there is a need, he will provide.

New beginnings?

Have been staying back late at work for the past one week, to the extent of working til 12mn last Thursday. What a great start to the new year.

It has only been one week and I'm already starting to feel burnt out. Also realised some things that I would rather not know. Why do people always say things that they do not mean? Or am I being rather naive here for always taking things at face value? I am tired of second guessing the intentions of others. I just don't want to care anymore. Perhaps Renee was right after all, I always turn the other cheek, and ended up getting hurt over and over again. Am I too quick to forgive and forget? Should I just learn to protect myself so that I won't get hurt so easily?

One of my colleagues said last week that if going to heaven means praising God all the time, he would rather not go to heaven. That makes me kinda sad because this was coming from a person who has (or had) been a christian all his life. To me, heaven isn't only about paradise, it is also about being with God. And there is nothing else I would want more. Because I know that only He could love me for who I am inside. And His love never fails...

2007...

Today is the last day of 2007. With each passing year, I’ve grown older. Though not necessarily wiser. How has 2007 been to me? I guess it will be difficult to sum it all up in a few words. Looking back, there were events that have changed my life, but they are too personal for me to blog here. In retrospect, I wished there were some things that I could have done better and some that I wished I had not done. Yet it’s too late for regrets now.

Where my job is concerned, I am still working in the same company as last year. Actually I did not expect to stay for so long. Neither did my Head expect that of me I supposed. But as I was telling some of my friends, I hate to leave without really achieving anything. Perhaps also, deep inside, I am somehow convicted that God has put me here for a reason. I think I have blogged before that I am thankful for the encouraging and supportive colleagues around me, and for some good friends that I’ve made as well. Yet I could also see that some things have changed. Relationships do not remain status quo all the time. It was sad too to see years of friendship break down because of something that might not even be true in the first place. Was the bond that fragile to begin with? I still don’t and perhaps never will understand why it is that some people chose to behave the way they do, and ended up hurting the people who had cared about them. Although office politics was not very apparent here, it still exists nonetheless.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of healing and restoration of relationships…


For my family, I believed most of my close friends would have known about my grandmother’s situation. The last few months have been quite a trying period for us, especially for my aunt and her family.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of renewed faith for my family…


At the beginning of 2007, I had also decided to stop attending the LG that I have been attending for the past 3 years. I am currently attending my friend’s CG from another church. I remembered telling my CG mentor a few weeks ago that it was kind of sad to know each other for so many years and yet realized that you do not know them at all actually. Sometimes, change is inevitable.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of God’s leading and direction in my life…

Merry Christmas!!

It's Christmas today, the day of our dear Saviour's birth. But Christmas this year had passed by without much fanfare, despite the rampant gifts buying, giving and receiving at my workplace. In the midst of all our busyness, did we forget the true meaning of Christmas once again? I don't want to think about the work tomorrow. After all, there's still one hour left til the next day. It's still Christmas day today.

Pastor's topic for today's sermon was on "Yielded Vessels". Then he went on to talk about the potter and the clay and how we are all clay in God's hands. As the Potter, he will shape us and put us through the furnace in order to make us what He wants us to be. Wonder at which stage of the 'clay-making' I'm at now. But it did make me think through my last 23 years of life. I thank God that there were not many great trials and tribulations and that whatever I had gone through had made me the person I am today.

I was also looking through some past blog entries and came across this. I had posted this more than 1 year ago, after my graduation.

Quite random actually. Haha. Think I'm asking for too much.

Ideal Boyfriend
A Christian
Loves me
Loves children
Dependable and responsible
Able to 'click' with him (same frequency)
Understanding
Has a car
Smart and capable, preferably in a leadership position
Gives me flowers
Calls me just to hear my voice
Tall
Sends me home at night (right to my doorstep)
Sensitive
Not afraid to share his feelings and to be vulnerable in front of me
Not egoistic
Able to stand up for me
Does not swear
Supportive
Not overly protective
Will be there when I need him

Just came back from a company retreat in Batam 2 days ago. It was my first time there but did not really get to see much of Batam as we remained in the resort most of the time. The retreat was quite alright I supposed. Also got to know some of my colleagues better.

Anyway, yesterday in the MRT on my way back from work, I heard some students talking about their exams and 'Genes and Society' popped up in the their conversation. Then it occured to me that now is perhaps exam time for those studying in NUS. But I'm not going to start reminiscing again.

Some good news then. Just got my bonus and a slight pay increment, which actually comes as a surprise since I've only worked for less than a year. Oh well, guess I shouldn't be complaining so much and should start counting my blessings instead.