Gatherings...

One of my female friends was telling me about the recent EFP gathering that she had organised, and which I didn't attend cos we had the night cycling event. No wait, it was supposed to be on the night of the night cycling but it was postponed to the following friday, which I can't attend as well since I had cell group on fridays.

Anyway, the attendance wasn't that good and she told me someone commented that usually only the people who are single and unattached would attend such gatherings. Guess that's true to a certain extent as well. Though it seemed a rather sweeping statement as well, since it implies that friends are not as important once you've found your special someone.

Oh well...

Man looks at the outward appearance...

but the Lord looks at the heart...


Last month, one of my girl friends told me about an experience she had with a guy she met on a website. It wasn't a good experience. To cut a long story short, it basically gave her the impression that looks are very important.

Well, man looks at the outward appearance. And by 'man', I'm referring to all mankind, not just the males. Is it in our nature to be attracted by beauty? Isn't that what caused the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden?

The truth is: good-looking people have it easier. Most of the time anyway, unless they have really crappy personalities.

Feel free to disagree with me :)

I finally understood how XQ felt when she blogged the other time about her 'well-meaning' colleagues.

Yes, I know their intentions are good and I really appreciate it...

But I just don't feel that I'm missing anything in my life.

Is it so wrong to be single? And it's not as if I'm the only single woman in the office.

bleah...

arhhh...why is this world so shallow?

Sometimes I think to myself: if I stay on my own in future, I'll want to keep a dog :)

Anyway, I was chatting with a friend over MSN regarding age compatibility in a relationship. And I was wondering why is it that while it is considered perfectly alright for an older man to be with a younger woman, the reverse is much frowned upon. Yes, I know the answer but still. That's the way society is I guess.

And seeing the capable women at my office who are still single; I wonder when this view will change.

Do nice girls finish...last?

This post is inspired by Kia's lastest entry. Well, kind of anyway.

Don't we all desire things that we cannot get? Or wonder how is it that some people seem to have it all put together, where things just fall into place for them, effortlessly, or so it seems? Things like getting a good job, finding the right partner, getting married and starting a family.

Do you start thinking: why can't I be like them? Why do things have to be so difficult for me? And start wallowing in your misery, whilst whining about how miserable your life is?

Ok, maybe I've exaggerated it a little but you get the drift.

But I'm not a teenager anymore and I know that wishing so much for the things I do not have will not make things any better either. If anything, it just takes away the joy in your lives. Life's too short for any kind of bitterness.

And one thing I've learnt is this. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes, people say things that could hurt you so as to make themselves feel better, albeit unintentionally. But if you have 'friends' who put you down often even after you told them about it, maybe it would be better to leave them.

Oh oh...let me digress a little cos I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with Stella over lunch. I don't think I'll divulge much here but it did had something to do with the type of guys she like, and me and YP were saying that her taste is different from ours, which is not necessarily a bad thing either. Now, this reminded me of our 'dream guys' as well. Jace and her Mr Teo SL, Kia and her 'white horse', me and my 'jaguar', and Ting and her ???. Haha. And why do Kia and I both have animals as reference? Hmm....

Ok, before the male readers start thinking that we ladies are shallow and superficial and look only on the surface. Please consider this before judging us too harshly. Most of us do know that there is no 'perfect guy' who will fit every criteria on our list. At the end of the day, we'll most probably go for the one who can be our lover, friend and brother. Or maybe I'm just talking about myself here. A lover who can love me for who I am inside, a friend who is willing to listen and to confide in, and a brother who can protect me.

I should go back to the topic, but since I've already lost my line of thought anyway, I think I should just end with something that links back to my title.

If you think that nice girls finish last, consider this

28Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Mark 19: 28-30

Posted on 13 Apr 2009, Monday, 10.30pm

A friend sent this in an email...

G U I D A N C E
Dancing With God

Author unknown

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I

kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music,

And everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

Both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

Or by pressing

Lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

And attentiveness from one person

And gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "I".

"God, "u" and "I" dance."

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

That I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings

And mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God, as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead

And to guide you through each season of your life.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.

If God has done anything for you in your life,

Please share this message with someone else.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards;

So let's continue to pray for one another.

And I Hope You Dance !

Anyway, last Friday during the bbq, someone asked us what we're looking for in a man. And all of us come to the consensus that he should be God-fearing, Christ-like etc, mostly because this quality emcompasses other qualities such as kindness, integrity and so on as well.

But I was thinking, in the first place it is already difficult to find such a guy.

Even if he exists, he would mostly probably be

(1) Married

(2) Attached

(3) Consecrated his life to God i.e. not interested in women

And even if for some reason, he is neither of the above 3, which means he is single and available, why would he be interested in me?

Ok, I think I've just reduced the chances of me meeting someone suitable to practically zero.

Hey, but more improbable things has happened before, hasn't it?

And with God leading, is there anything to fear after all?

A conversation...

Had a rather 'interesting' conversation with a colleague this afternoon. He was talking about this girl he was chasing and how he had put on his best behaviour when he was out with her by not smoking and so on. Then he admitted that he wasn't showing his true self to her. And he went on to say that she herself seemed to be putting on an act as well. I replied jokingly that since both of them are pretending anyway, perhaps they really are compatible.

Jokes aside, I guess this is hardly a laughing matter. After all, if we can't be ourselves in front of the person we love, then to whom can we show our true self? Can a relationship that is built on lies last? How long before the true colours are revealed?

Posted on 29 Dec, Monday, 11.30pm

Ceaseless striving??

We went to Malacca over the weekend for a company seminar cum retreat. It was quite alright I supposed. First time in Malacca, but we didn't really get much time to shop around. Well, at least we can save the money. We should always think positive right?

The above is a diagram from one of the speaker's presentation. It was supposed to describe the various reactions to complaints, but I feel that it can apply to other parts of our life as well.

"Take Action" + "No control" = Ceaseless striving.

Guess there's no point trying to control things that are beyond our control. A chasing after the wind.

Seminar aside, I read Kia's blog and in it she mentioned that perhaps true love is a cash cow invented by the media. I supposed it is true that love has been sensationalized and romanticised by the media. How could something that was supposed to be true love 5 years ago turned out otherwise 5 years later, she asked? How can someone who loved you in the past hurt you so much now?

Well, people change. And maybe true love doesn't exist. Or maybe it does. How will we know? But we choose what to believe in. And I want to believe, however hopelessly impossible it might be, that true love does exist.

Waiting on a promise

I watched "The Leap Years" with Angie and Renee yesterday evening. Although Angie's son had told her that it wasn't nice, the three of us felt unanimously that it was a movie worth watching. Maybe because it is a romantic movie, and don't girls just love romance?

It was amazing how the lead actress, Li Ann, could wait 12 years for a guy. And perhaps something that could only happen in movies. Yet I couldn't help but agree with something that she had said in the movie.

"People tell me to find someone I can live with, but I want to find someone I can't live without."

I think I am a hopeless romantic at heart. And idealistic too. Perhaps 10 years down the road, when I am older and wiser, and when most of my friends are married with children, I will find such thinking foolish. But at this current moment, I guess I would rather spend my life waiting for this man I can't live without, than to simply settle.

I know the consequences of this belief. Friends, family and even colleagues are beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. How am I going to find a boyfriend if I'm not even doing anything to meet guys?

But how do I tell them that I am waiting for someone who might not exist in the first place? All I can do is to wait, and pray. For patience.

Here's to all the single women out there who are still waiting...

Merry Christmas!!

It's Christmas today, the day of our dear Saviour's birth. But Christmas this year had passed by without much fanfare, despite the rampant gifts buying, giving and receiving at my workplace. In the midst of all our busyness, did we forget the true meaning of Christmas once again? I don't want to think about the work tomorrow. After all, there's still one hour left til the next day. It's still Christmas day today.

Pastor's topic for today's sermon was on "Yielded Vessels". Then he went on to talk about the potter and the clay and how we are all clay in God's hands. As the Potter, he will shape us and put us through the furnace in order to make us what He wants us to be. Wonder at which stage of the 'clay-making' I'm at now. But it did make me think through my last 23 years of life. I thank God that there were not many great trials and tribulations and that whatever I had gone through had made me the person I am today.

I was also looking through some past blog entries and came across this. I had posted this more than 1 year ago, after my graduation.

Quite random actually. Haha. Think I'm asking for too much.

Ideal Boyfriend
A Christian
Loves me
Loves children
Dependable and responsible
Able to 'click' with him (same frequency)
Understanding
Has a car
Smart and capable, preferably in a leadership position
Gives me flowers
Calls me just to hear my voice
Tall
Sends me home at night (right to my doorstep)
Sensitive
Not afraid to share his feelings and to be vulnerable in front of me
Not egoistic
Able to stand up for me
Does not swear
Supportive
Not overly protective
Will be there when I need him

Wives and Husbands

Yesterday’s sermon was on the responsibilities of wives and husbands. The pastor quoted from Ephesians 5: 22 – 33.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Perhaps the part on how wives should submit to their husbands is a hard pill to swallow for most women, considering the independence that we enjoy nowadays. But somehow, I felt that the husband’s role would be more difficult to fulfill. After all, how many men can truly love their wives the way Christ loved the church? Christ sacrificed his life for the church. If a husband loves his wife that much, it’s no wonder that the wife would be willing to submit to him. So to all my female readers out there, if you ever find such a guy who loves you so much, don’t ever let him go…

That will be the ideal husband, but the pragmatic side of me feels that such men are few and far between, and most women will have to settle for less. I wished I would never fall into that category of settling for less but perhaps I’m being too idealistic here. I do not want to get married just for the sake of getting married and end up miserable all my life, or worst, affecting the lives of my children as well. Yet I guess this is easier said than done, as even though there is equality between men and women in today's society, single women are often still ostracized and made fun of, especially those who are of marriageable age.

Well, one of my friends blogged that her basic criteria for a boyfriend is that he has to be christian and must love God as much as, or more than, she does, and that is already not easy to find. So with my kind of expectations, I supposed I might as well remain single all my life then.

Hindsight

On hindsight, everything seems clearer. Yet hindsight is a luxury most of us cannot afford most of the time.

Just read my bro's most recent blog entry. A part of me just wished to tell him: Why are you still thinking of her? Get over it already, she's not worth it!! There are better girls out there. But how can I do that? Not when I used to behave in that way too. Heez...and I thought only girls would be that foolish. What I don't understand is that why must she behave in that way? I mean, is an email that difficult to reply? Does she really think she's so wonderful that so many guys are going after her till she doesn't even have time to reply to one email?

Yes, ok, I know I'm being biased here 'cos this is only one side of the story. Maybe she's really busy. Maybe she didn't receive it. Maybe it got sent to her junk folder instead and she deleted it accidentally. So many 'maybes'. Reminded me of the rationalization theory i.e. finding excuses for certain behaviour.

Perhaps at times we'd prefer to indulge in our own little fantasies and keep on hoping and wishing than face the cold, hard truth. Then again, as I've mentioned before, who am I to comment?