Tree top walk

I went for the tree-top walk at MacRitchie Reservoir yesterday with my groupmates. It was actually for a project on a geography module that we're doing. It was also the first time that I've been to MacRitchie Reservoir. I've been living in Singapore for all my life and yet there are so many places that I've not been to. Also felt the same way when I went to Little India and Kampong Glam the other time.

Anyway, we walked for about 3 hours and all of us were just so tired after that. Towards the end, it started drizzling but thankfully we were quite sheltered under the canopy of the trees. There were so many stairs going up and down that it made me wished we could just drill a hole through the mountain so that we could walk straight ahead. Ok, I'm lazy, I must admit. But really, it has been a rather long time since I had walked so much. Didn't really see much animals and insects though, other than the monkeys near the entrance.

At the end of it all, we were just so glad that to complete the walk. "Going back to civilization," like what Ting had said. A bit exaggerated though...haha...But what matters is that we made it through. All five of us. And did I mention that this is an all-girls group? We are 'garang girls', as Xiaofen puts it so nicely.

Chances

Why do I keep meeting the people I don't really want to see but can't see the one person I really want to meet?

Perhaps there was a chance then. It's just too late now.

CB is getting depressing. No, not the class but rather, its contents. Are people really that materialistic? Do people really look so much on the surface? Is this all there is to marketing? Perhaps the truth does hurt after all. The harsh reality of this world; where external appearances are far more important than who you are inside. Actually, it's ok to want to look good as long as you know what it is that is more important. But it's hard to get this balance isn't it? In a world where everything is so fleeting, it's good to know that somethings will never change. That there'll always be Someone who will love me for who I am inside.

He has said, "I'll never leave you. I'll never abandon you."

Even the children knows this. At times I think: if I do not have Jesus, I have nothing. When things do not go well, it is this faith that gets me through. But what am I doing for Him?

Something the tutor said got me thinking: When we look at people, do we see them as male or female, pretty or ugly, fat or thin; or do we see them as human beings?

Some thoughts

This evening, I went with my LG to Clark Quay to celebrate one of the member's birthday. Actually, we had agreed beforehand to treat him to the reverse bungee jumping, much to his surprise/shock. Hehe, hoped he had enjoyed himself...

Anyway, on my bus ride home, I started thinking again. Heez...beginning to realise that I'm thinking quite a lot nowadays. I wished you were the one who was sitting beside me on the bus. I wished I was able to share with you all my happiness, fears and worries. And that you'll be able to do the same too. I wished I could tell you all these but whenever I see you, I'm at a loss for words. Yet I know all these wishes are futile. Why? Cos you don't even care. You don't even have my number. You don't even bother to reply to my emails. Would you be so nice to me if I wasn't helping you then? I know all these will come to pass one day. But now, I just wished I never knew you.

What are you seeking for?

What are you seeking for in life?
Maybe it isn't good to think so much at times

I realised that I've not written on the time Ting and I went for the guilly outing at pasir ris yet. Well, the kids there were really endearing and somehow they made me realised how much people tend to look on the surface most of the time. Maybe I'm not in any position to comment much since I did not really interact much with them, besides that outing. But that incident got me thinking: why do people usually find them so pitiful? Is it because they're slower, less smart and capable than most people around us? Actually, if you ask me, at times I find that more pitiful ones are the smart and capable people who spend their whole lives chasing after material things that do not last.

I mean, it's really sad if you're using material things to fulfill your needs. After all, how long can such things last? There are some things that money really can't buy: friendships, experiences, love etc. At the end of it all, it's the intangibles that are really valuable. I am really thankful for all the experiences that I've encountered during the past 2 years in NUS and also for the friendships forged. Though there were some painful memories and some that I do not understand the reason behind it, I still believed that there is a reason for everything. I'm glad for the opportunities to step out of my comfort zone and attempt things that I never thought I'll be capable of doing before. Even though not everything worked out in the end, there were still the lessons learnt from each and everyone of them. Lessons that I'll perhaps never forget.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"

Jim Elliot

Here am I blogging in between lessons. Just waiting for 4 o'clock to come. Sometimes I wonder who actually bothers to read this blog. I mean, other than my close friends, who else would care about what I'm writing? My brother kept saying that my blog entries are boring, mainly because they're different from his. But that's just the way I write. I don't want to tell the whole world the happenings in my life everyday. Chances are nobody will be interested in that too.

But maybe I don't care anyway.

During my QT today, I started thinking about some things. Nothing new. They just keep resurfacing again and again.

Success. What do you mean by that?

Is it determined by the accomplishments that you've achieved? Or by the lives that you've touched? Sometimes I think: In my 21 years of life, what have I done? Am I considered a failure by societal standards? What about God's standards then?

What is it that I want? To be seen as pure and holy in God's eyes? Or to be seen as cool and popular by the world? I have to admit that often I was tempted to seek the latter...only to realise how fruitless it all can be in the end. No matter how much we try to rationalise it, this world really is superficial. We look only on the external appearances most of the time. All these talk about inner beauty and such, yet slimming centres and plastic surgery are still so popular.

oops...it's almost time...i better go for my lecture now...con't later....

World of difference

It was over, before it even began
Just like that

Sometimes I wonder:
How many times before I finally realised it?
It was just a fantasy to begin with
Why did I allow myself to indulge in it?
To believe, when there was nothing to it
Perhaps a part of me already knew the ending

I cannot do this anymore
There are other things out there

If I'd been more careful,
I'd have seen through it all
And see the truth as it is
Yet I chose to ignore it

No, you'll never know how I feel
We were different in so many ways
I cannot be who I'm not
And the same goes for you too

Different worlds. That's what it is.
What's left were the memories
And they'll soon be gone too

I know that some day I will find what I seek
And you won't be a part of that =)

the first 3 weeks

Only the first 3 weeks and I'm already feeling this way. I must be getting old. After all, this is already my final year in NUS. And what happens after that? I don't really want to think about it. I guessed it's because I don't really know.

The children are really great. But at times I asked myself: Do I really want to make a career out of them? Or can I?

I realised that as I grew older, I became more sure of what I want to do instead of being so easily persuaded by others. But that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes either.

What should I do after I graduate? I guessed this is something I have to face sooner or later.

Well, maybe later then =)

after seeing you, i just realise the impossibility of it all

i guessed nothing matters more to u than the things that u want

turned out that i was wrong, right from the start

What's your life project?

So many things going through my mind right now. The situations that were mentioned during CB class were familiar to me, but perhaps it was too personal for me to share. Strange that CB is fast becoming a sharing session rather than a class. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. Most of the things mentioned were rather universal and should not only be confined to consumer behaviour. Perhaps that's what it's all about. Consumer behaviour is about the study of people after all. As such, all of us should be able to relate to it, since all of us are consumers at one time or another. Perhaps it is just that we don't really sit down and think about it much. Buying and consuming things are part and parcel of our lives and it is so entrenched that we don't even notice it. At times I wonder how much we would take back after all these are over. Would we still remember the theories and case studies learnt? Would we really apply them when we go out to work? We place so much emphasis on these but really, how important are they in our lives? How often do textbook theories work in real life? Perhaps that's why there are so many projects now.

Life project. Sometimes our whole life seemed like a big project doesn't it? We all seemed to be working towards different goals yet if we were to look beyond the differences, then we can see the similarities. A good education, a good job, a family etc. Don't we all hoped for a better life in future, though the definition might differ for some? When consumers consume products, is it not because it might take them closer to that goal? Regardless of how small that step may be, or how fleeting it may be. "Selling hope in a bottle". Yes, it might sound superficial but then again, who are we to judge? Don't we all fall into that category as well? Consumer behaviour might seem to be rather complex because we are all so different, but don't we all have the same needs? Marlow's, Carl Jung, Freud etc. I guessed people just like to categorize things into models, theories and so on. Perhaps it gives us the impression that it can be controlled. I mean, if we are able to break it down into models and theories, then perhaps that situation isn't that complex after all isn't it? We just feel the need to rationalize things that we don't really understand. Perhaps that's the case with our attitudes towards our Creator as well.

The unlikeliest of heroes

Today we watched the film, "Alive", during one of my classes. It was supposed to teach us about leadership but as I watched, I can't helped but wonder at the resilience of the human spirit. Basically this film is based on a true story of a plane crash in the Andes mountains. The plane was carrying a group of rugby players to neighbouring Chile when it crashed. And as the narrator had said at the beginning of the film, nobody could anticipate what he could do in that kind of situation until he had gone through it himself. Of the 45 people onboard the plane, only 16 survived at the end of it all. They had spent around 60 days on the Andes mountains, before they were rescued, surviving mainly on the dead bodies of their team-mates. There was some controversy regarding that but I shall not comment on that here.

I know it was supposed to be a lesson on leadership but as we went through the strengths and weaknesses of the various leaders in the story, I just wonder how many of us would behave that way too if we were put in that kind of situation. I guessed it won't be easy, not when it seemed like all is lost. But they never gave up; they continued hoping and praying. Perhaps there wasn't anything left to do but hope and pray after all.

Nando, the unlikeliest of heros. He used to be a shy and awkward teen but he rosed to the occasion. If he had not persisted in walking to Chile, the team would perhaps never be rescued. If there's anything about leadership that I've learnt from this story, it is that leadership isn't about position or being the smartest among the group. It's about doing the right thing at the right time. Above it all, it's also about believing in what you're doing. So is a leader born or made? I do not know but I feel that no amount of training can prepare you for something like this. Actually, does it really matter who the leader is, as long as you know you've done the right thing? Is power and control that important?

His grace....

"My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak"

2nd Corinthians 12:9

You might have guessed it, this is the children's memory verse for the month of August. It couldn't have been more apt, at least for me. Yes indeed, His grace is all I need. Yet I always wanted more. But certain things are simply beyond my control; no matter how hard I want it to go my way. Why is it that it is usually when I'm facing difficulties that I truly seek God again? Do I take Him for granted at other times? Behaving as if I do not need him? I guessed that's what I've been doing, and it shouldn't be. I really do not know how things will turn out in the end. Why should things always be so difficult? Maybe I've taken up more than I could handle. I wonder if I've made the right choice. I'm beginning to lose sight of the goal.

Everything is in Your hands now
Juz take it all away....