Second chances...

Someone once said that experience is the best teacher. Perhaps that's true after all, though that someone should also add that the lesson is not always pleasant. And sometimes it hurts too. I guessed some words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. So silly to still harp on this after so many years. Looking back, I know there were some things that I should not have done, questions that I should not have asked. Maybe there are certain questions which are best left unanswered. But that's too late now.

Will there ever be second chances...

Not enough?

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Indeed, Christmas is a joyous occasion, with all the merry-making, feasting and gifts giving. But I guess Ps Kai Ming's sermon last Sun was also appropriate in the light of all these festivities. The very first Christmas wasn't all that happy for the people involved i.e. Mary, Joseph and all the parents whose little boys were killed on Herod's orders.

The birth of Christ was a miracle since He was born of a virgin, but it wasn't easy for Mary and Joseph, and perhaps their families too. And he was born as a baby, just like any other baby. He didn't look extraordinary or anything. And it made me think. If the Son of God could be subjected to all these (born in a manger, doubts surrounding his birth, rejection by his own people, and finally the crucifixion), who am I to ask for more? God Himself came down as an ordinary man, born the same way as any one of us, and went through the same pain and suffering. How could I forget? How could I ever doubt His love for me? How could I question His plans for my life?

No matter where I look, true satisfaction can only be found in Him alone. Not in material possessions. We live in a world obsessed with external beauty, and I guess christians are no exception either. Many a times, I wished I was prettier, slimmer, more attractive etc. Does this mean I'm insecure? Perhaps, but I also know that many women feel this way too, even the pretty ones. Why do we feel this way? When will it ever be enough? Why do we rather believe in the lies of the devil rather than the word of God?

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

To all my female readers, whatever we are struck with doubts on our own beauty, remember that we are all beautiful because we are made in the image of God.

To the male readers, may God help you to look beyond the surface.

Previously, I didn't understand these verses by Paul....

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7: 8-9

Hits the nail on the head doesn't it? No wonder there are fewer single men than women...

Aligners...

After 1 year, it's finally over :)

No title

Was I wrong Lord? Perhaps people are the same wherever we go after all...

Though I've never really talked about it, my mother's accident last year was a trying period for our family as well. Thank God she is recovering well now. Yet through it all, it revealed somethings that I rather not know. Apart from a couple of people whom I'm close to, the others from the group didn't really bother to ask how she was. At that time, I had just dismissed it because I'm sure they have their own problems and other things on their minds as well. Why should they be concerned about my problems? Then a few months ago, my mother and my cousin visited that place. Not one of them spoke to my mother and my cousin, nor did they ask how my mother was. I had dismissed it then too because, you know, people don't usually like to get out of their comfort zone.

But I'm thinking about these things now. Why?? Because those feelings are creeping back in...I'm tired. It shouldn't be this way. Perhaps I should just face up to the truth after all.

Unimportance. That's what it is. Even if I'm not there, no one notices. Because there will be no difference. Oh God, what will heaven look like? Will You notice my absence?

Yet I know, in the end, everything will be ok. Because I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, will make everything right again.

Even if I am unimportant in the eyes of the world, I know that I am important to God. And that's the only thing that matters. Maybe God is reminding me of all these now so as to tell me how futile it is to chase after humanly affections and love. If I were to live my life trying so hard to please others, I will never be able to please God. There are bigger things out there than these petty feelings. Still it's good to address these feelings instead of hiding them.

Jn 21: 18

Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go"

Where are You leading me God?

Don't major on the minor stuff

Just returned from church camp at JB, and still reeling in from the after-math of it all. Somehow I felt that this time it was different from previous church camps, in a good way. God has been good. To us and the churches involved. It reminded me of the very first youth camp I had attended about 10 years ago. The joy I had experienced then when I first accepted Christ in my life. And it made me realised that I've been focusing too much on the minor stuff for the past months (or year), so much so that it has affected my relationship with God and the people around me. 'Don't major on the minor stuff'. I guessed I knew this all along, yet I still needed a camp like this to jolt me back to my senses. There is nothing more harming than disunity and conflicts within the body of Christ itself. And unity takes effort from each member, and most importantly, a common purpose. How great it would be to see multitudes being saved!

Will end this post with a quote I saw some time back:

“Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So one hundred worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship.”

― A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Purity

How much is it worth? Sometimes I wonder....

It's been awhile since I last posted. I know. Anyway, was chatting with a friend over msn just the other day about how we're getting older, which means we would need to spend more money on skincare as well. Actually, for women, I heard that our skin deteriorates after we hit 25, which is like 3 years ago for me. Ah well...so I decided to do a stock-take of the skincare products I'm using now...this is going to be a long post :P

Morning

1. Shiseido Eudermine Revitalizing Essence

This is similar to a toner. I only started using this a few months back, after trying the sample. This product was first introduced in 1897, and I can understand why it lasted til now. It leaves my skin feeling really soft, not the tightening feeling that using a toner gives.

2. Aqualabel Bright White Ex

I've also used this for one week, so I'm not sure about its effectiveness yet. But it did received some pretty good reviews, and considering that its parent company is Shiseido, I supposed it shouldn't fare too badly. Previously, I had used the Shiseido White Lucent Intensive Spot Targeting Serum in the morning as well, but it is really rather expensive (@ $159/bottle).

3. Laneige Perfect Renew Dual Eyes (Morning)

This comes with 2 containers, one for morning and the other for night use. I liked the morning one because of it UV protection properties, though I don't think it does much in reducing my dark eye circles. It's so difficult to find a decent eye cream.

4. Shiseido Bio-Performance Advance Super Revitalizing Cream

I'm currently using the sample given by Shiseido. It helps to reduce the the fine lines under my eyes, but since I've just started using this last week, I'm not sure if it's effective in the long term. Even so, I've bought the full-sized version from sasa.com recently, on impulse 'cos there was a sale.

5. DHC Eyelash Tonic

I've also just started using this last week, so the results are still out. Though honestly I'm skeptical that there's anything that can make my eyelash grow.

6. Avene Hydrance Light Hydrating Cream

I liked Avene products for its hypoallergenic properties, which is good for sensitive skin like mine. I used to have more Avene products before switching to Shiseido. Furthermore, this comes will SPF 20, which I think is sufficient for normal daily usage.

7. Avene Deep Pore Cleanser

This should be the first product I used in the morning. I've used this for the past one year, and it's pretty decent. It cleans rather well, and did not cause any breakouts, unlike the powder cleanser from FANCL. For some reasons, I can't use FANCL products, though I liked their packaging.

That's it for morning. Actually, I missed out a few more items, like Vaseline for my lips, and sunscreen (currently using Biore SPF 30). Speaking of Vaseline, I think it moistures my lips better than other lip cream/balm I've used previously, and it's dirt cheap at only a few dollars. But I'll usually also use a lip balm on top of it, just for the UV protection. As you might have noticed, I'm quite hung-up on SPF and UV protection, because it's so important and it will be difficult to undo any damage caused by the sun in future. So it's better to spend more on that now. And that is also why I've been religiously taking Heliocare Oral Capsules since 2 years ago, which is an oral sunscreen. You can google it if you're interested so I won't elaborate too much here, except that it can be rather costly, at $75 for a bottle of 60 capsules, which usually last for about a month.

Now for the night-time routine

1. Shiseido Rinse-Off Cleansing Gel

I use this because it's gentle yet it can remove my make-up pretty well, except waterproof eye make-up.

2. Biore Make-up Remover (Eye and Lip)

I only used this when I had waterproof eye makeup on. I don't use waterproof lipstick, or even lipstick for that matter.

3. Shiseido White Lucent Brightening Balancing Softener

I heard that Japanese brands usually have softener instead of toner. I first used this at a Shiseido workshop about 1 and a half years ago, and have been using it since. The other good thing about this softener is that it can also help remove any excess make-up that the cleansing gel did not remove. I started off using this in the morning as well, before I had the Revitalizing Essence.

4. Neogence Hyalluronic Acid Hydrating Essence

I started using this because I heard that we should start using anti-wrinkle products before we get any wrinkles. Though this is not an anti-wrinkle product, it will help tighten the skin. I supposed I'll not repurchase this once I finished the bottle since I have the revitalizing cream now.

5. Shiseido White Lucent Intensive Spot Targeting Serum

As mentioned above, this is an expensive product, and I was rather hesitant to buy it initially. It took awhile before there was any effects, but after that, I felt that the price is worth it. Though it did not completely remove my freckles, it did help lighten any pigmentation and acne scars, and brighten the skin as well. It's sort of like my 'miracle water'. And I managed to get it slightly cheaper at sasa.com.

6. Laneige Perfect Renew Dual Eyes (Night)

Actually, I only bought this because of the morning eye cream. The night cream doesn't seemed too fantastic, though I supposed it does moisturise the eye area.

7. Shiseido Bio-Performance Advance Super Revitalizing Cream

8. DHC Eyelash Tonic

9. Estee Lauder Idealist Pore Minimizing Skin Refinisher

I've been using this for a few months now, mainly for the pores on my nose. Sadly, there has been minimal effect, if any to begin with. Before this, I had used a similar product from b.liv, to no avail as well. I think I just have to live with my enlarged pores.

10. Shiseido White Lucent Brightening Moisturising Emulsion & Laneige Water Sleeping Mask Ex

Usually, I will alternate between these 2, using the sleeping mask about 2 to 3 times a week. I really like the texture of the sleeping mask and its hydrating properties. But because it's so rich, I'm afraid to use it daily, lest it causes breakouts.

Besides these products that I'll use daily, there're also others that I'll use on a less frequent basis.

1. Faceshop Raspberry Roots Collagen Eye Patch - I love this eye patch, but it's not for daily usage. I use it about 1-2 times a month.

2. Shiseido Intensive Brightening Mask - Once a month (a box of 6 costs $100!)

3. Dr Young Spot-Stop-Serum - Only when I've pimples

4. Methode Swiss Thermal Oxygen Overnight Eye Mask (gel-base) - 1 to 2 times a week

5. Laneige Strawberry Yogurt Peeling Mask (for exfoliating) - 2 times a month

6. Skinfood Egg White Pack - Once a week

7. Shiseido Purifying Mask - Once a week

You might think I spent a lot of time on skincare. In the morning, I took less than 10 minutes and maybe just slightly longer at night. The thing is, a little more time spent now will save lots of regrets in future. But of course, there is nothing more beneficial to our skin than a good night's sleep and adequate water intake.

Ps 37

In the face of all that had happened yesterday and today, it became more important that I remember Psalm 37.

¹ Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

¹⁰ A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy peace and prosperity.

¹² The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³ but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

¹⁴ The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
¹⁵ But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

¹⁶ Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

²⁰ But the wicked will perish:
Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

²¹ The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
²² those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be destroyed.

²³ The LORD makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

²⁵ I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
²⁶ They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be a blessing.^[b]

²⁷ Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸ For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed^[c];
the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

³⁰ The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹ The law of their God is in their hearts;
their feet do not slip.

³² The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
intent on putting them to death;
³³ but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

³⁴ Hope in the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

³⁵ I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
³⁶ but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

³⁷ Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
a future awaits those who seek peace.^[d]
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
there will be no future^[e] for the wicked.

³⁹ The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

The last verse brings such comfort to my heart. I know my Lord will help me and deliver me from the wicked. I need not retaliate...

COSI: 2 to 7 Sept 2011

As we left COSI for the airport at 2pm, my heart was filled with mixed feelings. I was happy to go back to Singapore, yet at the same time, there was a certain heaviness in my heart that I could not comprehend. I wonder when we will ever see these children again, and I was reminded of what Dr Gerald Tan had shared 2 days ago.

Dr Tan first visited COSI in June this year with the Sunday School from his church, Grace Methodist. Since then, he has been making monthly visits to COSI, especially to help with the medical clinic for both COSI and the nearby villagers. We asked him what made him return so often, and he shared that after the first trip, he felt that he had to do something more for the children. With his compassion and love for the children, Dr Tan, in his unassuming manner, has been such an encouragement for the team.

The medical clinic

The prescription area

The villagers

When we first arrived at COSI, the children showed us much hospitality by running to the van and carrying our luggage to the rooms. We were rather surprised by this sweet gesture as they did not even know us yet. Throughout our 6 days there, this hospitality was demonstrated again and again.

Carol and Li Diang also shared with us the background of most of the children in COSI. Both of them are Singaporeans who have been with COSI for more than 10 years, and Li Diang had recently moved to the youth hostel about 11Km from COSI to be the in-charge for the older youths (aged 16 to 19) who are currently in high school. The children in COSI ranged from 6 to 15 years, and most are either orphans or had families who are unable to support them. Through funds provided by the Methodist Mission Society, COSI was able to provide them with food, shelter, education and most importantly, a place to know our Lord.

One of the children's dorms

Children acting out the birth of Jesus

For the most parts of our stay in COSI, it was packed with activities such as English and craft classes, talks, games and so on. On hindsight, I hoped that we had more time to interact with the children and I believed most in the team shared these sentiments as well. I also got a chance to speak to two young ladies who had just returned to COSI, from the youth hostel, upon the completion of their high school eduction and are currently waiting for application to university. One aspires to be an accountant, and the other, a nurse. They are probably the ‘first-generation’ COSI children, and it is always a joy to see these ‘success cases’ on how COSI had made a difference in their lives. However, for every one of these cases, we know that there are many more in Cambodia who are deprived of an education.

Besides COSI, we also visited the Emmaus Women Centre (EWC), which is just next to COSI. EWC provides a one-year stay-in program for young women to learn one of these two skills, dress-making or hair and beauty. With this skill, the young women would be better equipped to earn a living in the city or back at their villages. For two mornings, the team got a chance to share with the EWC women. Irene led the devotion, on Prayer, for the first morning, and Linda Lee, on ‘The Sovereignty of God’, during the second. Irene and Gillian also gave cooking and baking lessons for the women in the afternoons. Though we did not spend as much time in EWC as we did in COSI, we hoped that the devotion sessions and cooking/baking lessons had benefited the women.

On our last night at COSI, Gillian, Linda Lau and Annie had shared on how they had initially wanted to go to COSI to bless the children, but had instead ended up being blessed manifold by the children. As quoted by Wilson, “we’ll never be happy with what we have if we are unhappy with what we don’t have”, and the COSI children had made us realised that. They also caused us to realise that worship is not about the musical instruments, or how well we sing, but the joy that radiates from the heart. It is this simplicity and purity that we hear in the children’s voices when they sing, despite the language barrier.

This rings true for the village children as well, who came for the Sunday morning session at COSI, while some of their parents worshipped at the village church. Maybe we are too sheltered in Singapore to realise that there are the poor among us. Yet, seeing them, can we really say that they are poor when they know and have the greatest gift of all – our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?

The COSI children saw us off as we boarded the van to leave for the airport, and told us to come back again. Some also gave hand-written notes and small momentoes to us to show their appreciation. I never knew these little gestures would bring so much joy to our hearts as well. As mentioned previously, we had gone wanting to do something for the children but in the end, it is them who had done so much for us. Guess we can do all the preparation we wanted, but it is God who has the final say.