Musings

Two days ago, I had lunch with Kia at NYDC. It had been quite a while since we went out together. Actually I gave her a treat to thank her for lending me her guitar for the Christmas party. Also gave her the super-belated Christmas present, at long last. I had intended to give her something else but as I had left it in the office, I gave her another gift instead. Well, perhaps the first gift wasn't meant to be?

Anyway, we also saw this cute little baby at the restaurant and he kept bouncing up and down while seated. So cute! Then I was telling Kia about how babies have big heads not in proportion to their bodies. And she went on to say that I like big-headed things. Haha.

Work these days is still rather hectic, but there has been an improvement from the beginning of the year. It's the learning curve I guess. I remembered that when I first started work 1 and a half years ago, I was so tired after work that I seldom switch on my laptop when I got home. After all, I had faced the computer the whole day at work. But nowadays, I have been spending more time on the computer, outside of work. Maybe I am getting used to the grind of work, so to speak.

Now, I like the internet and especially chatting online, since it is so easy and it allows me to do other things while remaining connected with the person I was chatting with. Even my company allows, and encourages, us to use instant messaging in the office as another form of communication. I felt that there's nothing wrong with that, provided that it is used for the purpose that it is intended for in the first place, to communicate quickly and without fuss to the other party. After all, it's not much different from using a telephone right? But is that really so? Can we really get to know a person through such means? As I was mentioning to a friend earlier (through msn of all things), it is much easier to say something online than to say it face-to-face. Yes, words are important, be it written or spoken, but communication is more than simply words. How well can we get to know a person through emails, msn etc? No matter what, it will usually only be one-dimensional. And when it finally goes beyond the internet, we might come to realise that that same person is different from what we had expected him or her to be.

It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Yet, more often than not, the online environment prevents us from seeing that. Then again, perhaps the problem isn't with online chats or emails per se, but rather, it lies with the fact that most of us are wearing 'masks'. Trying to be who we're not. And what better way to do so than through the internet.

It is only when these masks are taken off that we can truly be who we are inside. I am like that too. Only those who are close to me saw me as who I really am. Those who love me will accept me for who I am, though not condoning my wrongs at the same time. While those who can't accept it could only see the mask, but not the girl behind it. And when the mask came off, they were unable to recognize me anymore. Guess that's the difference between true and superficial love.

I thank God that He loves me for who I am.

Why am I so easily frustrated these days?

I put the above as my nick on msn yesterday and some of my friends started asking about it. Didn't really know how to answer them. Guess it was largely due to the stress from work. Then this verse came to mind.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31


Have I been trying too hard? Trying to do it on my own instead of depending on God as my source of strength? Trying to control things that were evidently beyond my control? I guess this is not only true for my work life, but for my personal life as well.

I should just take Kia's advice and let nature take its course instead of thinking too much.

Wanted to upload some photos taken today but am too lazy now. Maybe tomorrow then.

Iron coated with velvet

Just came back from a beatbox contest at expo. It was quite alright I guess. Rather interesting to watch the contestants 'pitting' their skills against each other. Then there were the special guests, Darren Tan, Milo Peng (Kia: Hehe) and 5566. As expected, 5566 drew the loudest applause and cheers from the crowd (if it was considered a crowd in the first place). People were going forward to take videos and photographs of the group performing, and some stood on their chairs. Well, Renee and I just sit back and relax. Haha. Anyway, we were not the only ones. My other colleague and his girlfriend also just sat where they were. Actually, the tickets were complimentary from my company.

Enough about that. I had intended to blog about the above topic today. What does 'iron coated with velvet' mean? Actually, this was what my pastor's wife spoke about during the youth leadership training camp about 5 or 6 years ago. I remembered that that was a sesssion specially for young women, and though I had attended a few women's conferences before, this particular one had left an impression. She had said that women should be like iron coated with velvet. Soft and gentle on the outside, just like velvet, which is nice to touch. But strong on the inside, just like an iron rod. No matter how others try to bend us, we'll not break.

Complaining

During cg last week, the discussion somehow drifted to the topic on complaining. Our cg mentor brought up this verse,

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Philippians 2: 14-15

How apt, especially since I've blogged in my previous post on how much I have been complaining 2 weeks ago and the negativity it had brought about.

Then another verse was brought up:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

I guess we all have a choice. What would you choose to think of?

I have so many things going through my mind now that I do not know where to start. Perhaps a short break is beneficial after all. At least it allows me to think and reflect back on what had happened during the past few weeks. Existing problems and shortcomings were further amplified by the current situation. As I had blogged before, people were behaving out of character, contributing to the already tense atmosphere.

But I'm done with whining and complaining.

I am reminded once again of the story about the Potter and the Clay. After all, how many times in our lives are we able to experience this? Instead of embracing the challenges and striving ahead, we threw our hands up in the air and lament about the past and the 'good old days'. At times I feel sorry for this new system. Though it is true that there are still problems to overcome, I feel that it was not given a fair trial. We were so inclined to compare it to the past system, so much so that we forgot that the 2 systems were completely different. We went in with unrealistic expectations of what this system can bring, and when problems cropped up, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And in a way, this attitude is reflected on how people were treated as well. This comparison between the old and the new, and failing to see that both are completely different. I know comparison is inevitable and more often than not, it boils down more to the person who is doing the comparison than those who are being compared. The new might never be as good as the old in terms of experience and knowledge. The sad thing is, very few people realise this. Perhaps they'll never understand until they are in that situation themselves, and even then, they still might not.

But I don't seek their understanding. Not anymore. People can compare all they want but they have to realise eventually that we are different. I admit that I was hurt by all these comparisons before but I've come to realise that this is one shortcoming that God wants me to overcome. A stronghold that I have been struggling with since the first day I came. I have to stop letting pride get in the way. After all, I am not here to knock anyone off the pedestral. There isn't a need to.

Just as it is with the new system. The old is never coming back again. We can either adjust our mindset and accept this new system for what it is, with its advantages and disadvantages; or we can continue looking back at what is past and in the process, forgetting that we are living in the present.

Where there is a need...He will provide...

It's Saturday again. Somehow, a part of me wishes that the weekend never ends. But I guess everything has to come to an end eventually. I thought the week before was hectic, and that things will be alright once the system is up and running. I thought wrong. This week has been anything but that. Almost everyone seemed tense and impatient and all of a sudden, people started getting on each other's nerves. It was beginning to get difficult to keep our cool when the pressure was on us.

At times, I wonder why it is that God has to put us through all these. Yet I believed He has a reason for everything. Just as what one of my colleagues said a few days ago, through this system change, we could see the other side of our fellow colleagues.

Through it all, I still thanked God for small mercies. After all, there is nothing too big or difficult for Him to handle. And where there is a need, he will provide.

New beginnings?

Have been staying back late at work for the past one week, to the extent of working til 12mn last Thursday. What a great start to the new year.

It has only been one week and I'm already starting to feel burnt out. Also realised some things that I would rather not know. Why do people always say things that they do not mean? Or am I being rather naive here for always taking things at face value? I am tired of second guessing the intentions of others. I just don't want to care anymore. Perhaps Renee was right after all, I always turn the other cheek, and ended up getting hurt over and over again. Am I too quick to forgive and forget? Should I just learn to protect myself so that I won't get hurt so easily?

One of my colleagues said last week that if going to heaven means praising God all the time, he would rather not go to heaven. That makes me kinda sad because this was coming from a person who has (or had) been a christian all his life. To me, heaven isn't only about paradise, it is also about being with God. And there is nothing else I would want more. Because I know that only He could love me for who I am inside. And His love never fails...

2007...

Today is the last day of 2007. With each passing year, I’ve grown older. Though not necessarily wiser. How has 2007 been to me? I guess it will be difficult to sum it all up in a few words. Looking back, there were events that have changed my life, but they are too personal for me to blog here. In retrospect, I wished there were some things that I could have done better and some that I wished I had not done. Yet it’s too late for regrets now.

Where my job is concerned, I am still working in the same company as last year. Actually I did not expect to stay for so long. Neither did my Head expect that of me I supposed. But as I was telling some of my friends, I hate to leave without really achieving anything. Perhaps also, deep inside, I am somehow convicted that God has put me here for a reason. I think I have blogged before that I am thankful for the encouraging and supportive colleagues around me, and for some good friends that I’ve made as well. Yet I could also see that some things have changed. Relationships do not remain status quo all the time. It was sad too to see years of friendship break down because of something that might not even be true in the first place. Was the bond that fragile to begin with? I still don’t and perhaps never will understand why it is that some people chose to behave the way they do, and ended up hurting the people who had cared about them. Although office politics was not very apparent here, it still exists nonetheless.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of healing and restoration of relationships…


For my family, I believed most of my close friends would have known about my grandmother’s situation. The last few months have been quite a trying period for us, especially for my aunt and her family.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of renewed faith for my family…


At the beginning of 2007, I had also decided to stop attending the LG that I have been attending for the past 3 years. I am currently attending my friend’s CG from another church. I remembered telling my CG mentor a few weeks ago that it was kind of sad to know each other for so many years and yet realized that you do not know them at all actually. Sometimes, change is inevitable.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of God’s leading and direction in my life…

Merry Christmas!!

It's Christmas today, the day of our dear Saviour's birth. But Christmas this year had passed by without much fanfare, despite the rampant gifts buying, giving and receiving at my workplace. In the midst of all our busyness, did we forget the true meaning of Christmas once again? I don't want to think about the work tomorrow. After all, there's still one hour left til the next day. It's still Christmas day today.

Pastor's topic for today's sermon was on "Yielded Vessels". Then he went on to talk about the potter and the clay and how we are all clay in God's hands. As the Potter, he will shape us and put us through the furnace in order to make us what He wants us to be. Wonder at which stage of the 'clay-making' I'm at now. But it did make me think through my last 23 years of life. I thank God that there were not many great trials and tribulations and that whatever I had gone through had made me the person I am today.

I was also looking through some past blog entries and came across this. I had posted this more than 1 year ago, after my graduation.

Quite random actually. Haha. Think I'm asking for too much.

Ideal Boyfriend
A Christian
Loves me
Loves children
Dependable and responsible
Able to 'click' with him (same frequency)
Understanding
Has a car
Smart and capable, preferably in a leadership position
Gives me flowers
Calls me just to hear my voice
Tall
Sends me home at night (right to my doorstep)
Sensitive
Not afraid to share his feelings and to be vulnerable in front of me
Not egoistic
Able to stand up for me
Does not swear
Supportive
Not overly protective
Will be there when I need him

Christmas' coming

I wonder if I get frustrated more easily nowadays. The words and conduct of some people seemed to get to me more than it used to before. Or am I just imagining things again?

2007 is almost over. And as usual, I'm prone to reminiscing again at this time of the year. In fact, I've noticed that most of my recent posts were rather melancholic. But Christmas is coming. Which means that this should be a joyous occasion.

Perhaps I'm just tired. Sometimes I wished I could just go on a long holiday and not bother about anything, or anyone, anymore. I’m also tired of empty words, and people saying things that they don’t mean.

Why can't things be simpler?

I don't think I ever want to talk to you again...