Down memory lane

Don't know why it is that I kept meeting my ex-classmates nowadays. Come to think of it, it's kind of amazing to see how all our lives are interwined together; to see how some people have changed, and some don't. Maybe it is a matter of perception after all. Guess Singapore is rather small and it's no surprise that we'll meet each other in some way or another.

To go back where time stands still and only to realise that it was only a dream. 'Cos time waits for no man and so much have changed. Our feelings, attitudes, thinking, beliefs etc. We have all grown up, haven't we? From little boys and girls to men and women today. I wonder: what we are now, is it far from what we have imagined us to be when we were in primary school? I can still remember my primary school days, though not down to every detail. Honestly, I can't really recall what I wanted to be in the future then. But when I think back now, I supposed I did enjoyed my primary school days, especially my primary five and six class. Can't say the same for my secondary school days though. It's funny what time can do to your memory, 'cos the things that I remember now are in bits and pieces. Listening to the teacher teaching, eating in the canteen, going to the bookshop, singing in the music room, playing in the basketball court, P.E. lessons with Mrs Ow (haha..I saw her when I went back to Gongshang for the mooncake festival...she still looks the same but I don't think she could remember me...maybe some things really don't change after all).

I'm really glad for all those experiences because they, both the good and bad ones, made me what I am today. When you think back, things always seemed to be better in the past than it is today. Yes, I should learn to cherish what I have now instead of whining and complaining. I hoped that ten years from now, I can look back at my uni days with fond memories as well.

An update

Yes, I know I should be studying for my OE test tomorrow, but I'm just taking a break here k...

Yupz, it's already the 11th week; just a few more weeks to exams and the end of semester one. Actually this semester started off well enough, but these past few weeks have really been rather exhausting with so many deadlines coming up one after the other. I just can't wait for it to be finally over and for the holidays to come. The children's camp's in december!! This is the first time I'm helping out in a children's camp, wonder how it'll turn out...


She asked me what God has taught me this past 2 months and I didn't answer her. Well, I know I sounded a little cold then but it was just a bad day to begin with and I wasn't feeling so good. Of course God had taught me a lot of things these past 2 months, one of which is to come to terms with my inadequacies and realise that some things are just beyond my control. It's also funny how He has been speaking to me through lectures and tutorials besides the normal DG sessions.

My project mates had been great too, well most of them anyway. I just hoped we'll able to come up with something for the leadership project. Heez...25 pages, single-spaced and till now we don't even have a page out. Maybe I should just relax a little. Being feeling rather tensed up these past 2 weeks and it's getting tiring. On hindsight, it seemed that there were so many things that could have been done better yet it's too late to regret anything now. Oh well...cross my fingers and hoped for the best.

Okie my dear bro...I've finally updated my blog after 1 month...oh ya, happy belated birthday to u!!

Tree top walk

I went for the tree-top walk at MacRitchie Reservoir yesterday with my groupmates. It was actually for a project on a geography module that we're doing. It was also the first time that I've been to MacRitchie Reservoir. I've been living in Singapore for all my life and yet there are so many places that I've not been to. Also felt the same way when I went to Little India and Kampong Glam the other time.

Anyway, we walked for about 3 hours and all of us were just so tired after that. Towards the end, it started drizzling but thankfully we were quite sheltered under the canopy of the trees. There were so many stairs going up and down that it made me wished we could just drill a hole through the mountain so that we could walk straight ahead. Ok, I'm lazy, I must admit. But really, it has been a rather long time since I had walked so much. Didn't really see much animals and insects though, other than the monkeys near the entrance.

At the end of it all, we were just so glad that to complete the walk. "Going back to civilization," like what Ting had said. A bit exaggerated though...haha...But what matters is that we made it through. All five of us. And did I mention that this is an all-girls group? We are 'garang girls', as Xiaofen puts it so nicely.

Chances

Why do I keep meeting the people I don't really want to see but can't see the one person I really want to meet?

Perhaps there was a chance then. It's just too late now.

CB is getting depressing. No, not the class but rather, its contents. Are people really that materialistic? Do people really look so much on the surface? Is this all there is to marketing? Perhaps the truth does hurt after all. The harsh reality of this world; where external appearances are far more important than who you are inside. Actually, it's ok to want to look good as long as you know what it is that is more important. But it's hard to get this balance isn't it? In a world where everything is so fleeting, it's good to know that somethings will never change. That there'll always be Someone who will love me for who I am inside.

He has said, "I'll never leave you. I'll never abandon you."

Even the children knows this. At times I think: if I do not have Jesus, I have nothing. When things do not go well, it is this faith that gets me through. But what am I doing for Him?

Something the tutor said got me thinking: When we look at people, do we see them as male or female, pretty or ugly, fat or thin; or do we see them as human beings?

Some thoughts

This evening, I went with my LG to Clark Quay to celebrate one of the member's birthday. Actually, we had agreed beforehand to treat him to the reverse bungee jumping, much to his surprise/shock. Hehe, hoped he had enjoyed himself...

Anyway, on my bus ride home, I started thinking again. Heez...beginning to realise that I'm thinking quite a lot nowadays. I wished you were the one who was sitting beside me on the bus. I wished I was able to share with you all my happiness, fears and worries. And that you'll be able to do the same too. I wished I could tell you all these but whenever I see you, I'm at a loss for words. Yet I know all these wishes are futile. Why? Cos you don't even care. You don't even have my number. You don't even bother to reply to my emails. Would you be so nice to me if I wasn't helping you then? I know all these will come to pass one day. But now, I just wished I never knew you.

What are you seeking for?

What are you seeking for in life?
Maybe it isn't good to think so much at times

I realised that I've not written on the time Ting and I went for the guilly outing at pasir ris yet. Well, the kids there were really endearing and somehow they made me realised how much people tend to look on the surface most of the time. Maybe I'm not in any position to comment much since I did not really interact much with them, besides that outing. But that incident got me thinking: why do people usually find them so pitiful? Is it because they're slower, less smart and capable than most people around us? Actually, if you ask me, at times I find that more pitiful ones are the smart and capable people who spend their whole lives chasing after material things that do not last.

I mean, it's really sad if you're using material things to fulfill your needs. After all, how long can such things last? There are some things that money really can't buy: friendships, experiences, love etc. At the end of it all, it's the intangibles that are really valuable. I am really thankful for all the experiences that I've encountered during the past 2 years in NUS and also for the friendships forged. Though there were some painful memories and some that I do not understand the reason behind it, I still believed that there is a reason for everything. I'm glad for the opportunities to step out of my comfort zone and attempt things that I never thought I'll be capable of doing before. Even though not everything worked out in the end, there were still the lessons learnt from each and everyone of them. Lessons that I'll perhaps never forget.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"

Jim Elliot

Here am I blogging in between lessons. Just waiting for 4 o'clock to come. Sometimes I wonder who actually bothers to read this blog. I mean, other than my close friends, who else would care about what I'm writing? My brother kept saying that my blog entries are boring, mainly because they're different from his. But that's just the way I write. I don't want to tell the whole world the happenings in my life everyday. Chances are nobody will be interested in that too.

But maybe I don't care anyway.

During my QT today, I started thinking about some things. Nothing new. They just keep resurfacing again and again.

Success. What do you mean by that?

Is it determined by the accomplishments that you've achieved? Or by the lives that you've touched? Sometimes I think: In my 21 years of life, what have I done? Am I considered a failure by societal standards? What about God's standards then?

What is it that I want? To be seen as pure and holy in God's eyes? Or to be seen as cool and popular by the world? I have to admit that often I was tempted to seek the latter...only to realise how fruitless it all can be in the end. No matter how much we try to rationalise it, this world really is superficial. We look only on the external appearances most of the time. All these talk about inner beauty and such, yet slimming centres and plastic surgery are still so popular.

oops...it's almost time...i better go for my lecture now...con't later....

World of difference

It was over, before it even began
Just like that

Sometimes I wonder:
How many times before I finally realised it?
It was just a fantasy to begin with
Why did I allow myself to indulge in it?
To believe, when there was nothing to it
Perhaps a part of me already knew the ending

I cannot do this anymore
There are other things out there

If I'd been more careful,
I'd have seen through it all
And see the truth as it is
Yet I chose to ignore it

No, you'll never know how I feel
We were different in so many ways
I cannot be who I'm not
And the same goes for you too

Different worlds. That's what it is.
What's left were the memories
And they'll soon be gone too

I know that some day I will find what I seek
And you won't be a part of that =)

the first 3 weeks

Only the first 3 weeks and I'm already feeling this way. I must be getting old. After all, this is already my final year in NUS. And what happens after that? I don't really want to think about it. I guessed it's because I don't really know.

The children are really great. But at times I asked myself: Do I really want to make a career out of them? Or can I?

I realised that as I grew older, I became more sure of what I want to do instead of being so easily persuaded by others. But that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes either.

What should I do after I graduate? I guessed this is something I have to face sooner or later.

Well, maybe later then =)

after seeing you, i just realise the impossibility of it all

i guessed nothing matters more to u than the things that u want

turned out that i was wrong, right from the start

What's your life project?

So many things going through my mind right now. The situations that were mentioned during CB class were familiar to me, but perhaps it was too personal for me to share. Strange that CB is fast becoming a sharing session rather than a class. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. Most of the things mentioned were rather universal and should not only be confined to consumer behaviour. Perhaps that's what it's all about. Consumer behaviour is about the study of people after all. As such, all of us should be able to relate to it, since all of us are consumers at one time or another. Perhaps it is just that we don't really sit down and think about it much. Buying and consuming things are part and parcel of our lives and it is so entrenched that we don't even notice it. At times I wonder how much we would take back after all these are over. Would we still remember the theories and case studies learnt? Would we really apply them when we go out to work? We place so much emphasis on these but really, how important are they in our lives? How often do textbook theories work in real life? Perhaps that's why there are so many projects now.

Life project. Sometimes our whole life seemed like a big project doesn't it? We all seemed to be working towards different goals yet if we were to look beyond the differences, then we can see the similarities. A good education, a good job, a family etc. Don't we all hoped for a better life in future, though the definition might differ for some? When consumers consume products, is it not because it might take them closer to that goal? Regardless of how small that step may be, or how fleeting it may be. "Selling hope in a bottle". Yes, it might sound superficial but then again, who are we to judge? Don't we all fall into that category as well? Consumer behaviour might seem to be rather complex because we are all so different, but don't we all have the same needs? Marlow's, Carl Jung, Freud etc. I guessed people just like to categorize things into models, theories and so on. Perhaps it gives us the impression that it can be controlled. I mean, if we are able to break it down into models and theories, then perhaps that situation isn't that complex after all isn't it? We just feel the need to rationalize things that we don't really understand. Perhaps that's the case with our attitudes towards our Creator as well.