The unlikeliest of heroes

Today we watched the film, "Alive", during one of my classes. It was supposed to teach us about leadership but as I watched, I can't helped but wonder at the resilience of the human spirit. Basically this film is based on a true story of a plane crash in the Andes mountains. The plane was carrying a group of rugby players to neighbouring Chile when it crashed. And as the narrator had said at the beginning of the film, nobody could anticipate what he could do in that kind of situation until he had gone through it himself. Of the 45 people onboard the plane, only 16 survived at the end of it all. They had spent around 60 days on the Andes mountains, before they were rescued, surviving mainly on the dead bodies of their team-mates. There was some controversy regarding that but I shall not comment on that here.

I know it was supposed to be a lesson on leadership but as we went through the strengths and weaknesses of the various leaders in the story, I just wonder how many of us would behave that way too if we were put in that kind of situation. I guessed it won't be easy, not when it seemed like all is lost. But they never gave up; they continued hoping and praying. Perhaps there wasn't anything left to do but hope and pray after all.

Nando, the unlikeliest of heros. He used to be a shy and awkward teen but he rosed to the occasion. If he had not persisted in walking to Chile, the team would perhaps never be rescued. If there's anything about leadership that I've learnt from this story, it is that leadership isn't about position or being the smartest among the group. It's about doing the right thing at the right time. Above it all, it's also about believing in what you're doing. So is a leader born or made? I do not know but I feel that no amount of training can prepare you for something like this. Actually, does it really matter who the leader is, as long as you know you've done the right thing? Is power and control that important?

His grace....

"My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak"

2nd Corinthians 12:9

You might have guessed it, this is the children's memory verse for the month of August. It couldn't have been more apt, at least for me. Yes indeed, His grace is all I need. Yet I always wanted more. But certain things are simply beyond my control; no matter how hard I want it to go my way. Why is it that it is usually when I'm facing difficulties that I truly seek God again? Do I take Him for granted at other times? Behaving as if I do not need him? I guessed that's what I've been doing, and it shouldn't be. I really do not know how things will turn out in the end. Why should things always be so difficult? Maybe I've taken up more than I could handle. I wonder if I've made the right choice. I'm beginning to lose sight of the goal.

Everything is in Your hands now
Juz take it all away....

It was quite a short day today as I only had one class in the afternoon. After that, Ting and I went to the co-op to collect our readings and buy the consumer behaviour textbook. Kind of regretted doing so as the book and the readings were so heavy but I guessed it was better to buy it at once instead of putting it off too long.

Then we went to Little India, with Xiaoqi and Shaoting, to give the certs to the stallowners (finally!!). Actually I was a little afraid that the stallowners would have forgotten us because after all, it was already almost 1 month after the event. Thankfully, they still remembered us. Xiaoqi commented that all the stallowners were very nice and I couldn't agree more. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have been able to do this well either. Maybe I'm just glad to be able to finally wrap this up and be done and over with it. It's time to move on, Fiona.


During the class today, we were discussing on consumption. Someone mentioned somenting about gaining fulfilment from consuming products and that this fulfilment is getting shorter and shorter. It makes me wonder: should we be getting fulfilment, regardless of what kind it is, from consumer products anyway in the first place? And even if we do, do we really expect it to last forever? Of course not. We always seek what we do not have. A big car, a luxurious house, beautiful clothes, a good figure etc. Yet even when we get all these things, would we really be happy? Well yes, maybe for a short while. Then we'll start pursuing other things again. It never ends does it? It's just like what King Solomonn said in Ecclesiastes, "A chasing after the wind". And how many times have I fallen into that trap? Tempted to pursue things that I know will never last instead of seeking that which is eternal. It doesn't matter what the marketers do, or how many adverts they throw in our face. Are we so easily influenced by the things that we see around us? Did we not believe what the marketers say because perhaps deep inside, we wanted to believe them, even though we are aware that what they say is not entirely true? We can go ahead and blame society, the government, the marketers and so on but in the end, it all boils down to the individual. After all, we are all free to make our own choices in life.

Yet I know that whatever my choice may be
There is Someone who will always watch over me and walk beside me
As long as I am doing His will
He said He'll never forsake nor abandon me
I want to shine again. For Him.
Please re-ignite the flame...

Thank you!!

It's finally over. A very big thank-you to everyone who had attended, though there really wasn't much food =P. I really hoped all of you had enjoyed yourself that night because your presence really did make a difference for me.

Aikia:
Thanks for coming, even though you had to come alone. Heez, sorry 'bout the parking thingy. Yupz, I loved the earrings and the ring. Must teach me how to make one day k...

Ting, SJ and Zh:
It was really sweet of you to give me that (though I was quite afraid of breaking it..hee).

Swee Yee:
Heez...sorry that there wasn't much food left by the time you came. Thanks for rushing down after work! Also real glad that you and Aikia could get along so well....

Simin and Yonglun:
Thanks for coming down all the way from Jurong! Thanks for the gift too (the glass pendant rite? I'm getting a little confused here..haha). Lun: thks for missing CG for tis..hoped you'd enjoyed urself...

Ruoting, Shaoting, Xiaoqi and Xiuli:
My secondary friends. Though we did not keep in touch much, thanks so much for taking the effort to come.

My OG (Claire, Huiling, Hock Beng, Huifang, Xiuqi, Huiyun, Jason, Jianliang):
Thanks for coming! You all really livened up the place...

My LG (Maurice, Cheryl, Jialing, Ryan and Kris):
I loved the sheep, it's so cute!! Thks for the book too, it really is a timely gift. Oh and dun worry Ryan, I'll put the $7.50 to good use..hehe..

Yimei, Johnson and Yvonne:
Thank you for coming!! Really appreciated it 'cos I won't be meeting u guys in NUS anymore...

Aaron and Shirley:
Thanks for rushing down after the course. Hoped all of you managed to squeeze into Simin's car after that...

My family:
Thank you for organizing this. All these wouldn't have gone through if it wasn't for all of you...

And most important of all, GOD:
Thank You for everything; the nice weather, the people and yes, even the food (cos it could've been worst).

I shouldn't be so concerned about the numbers. It really doesn't matter who goes or who doesn't go, or whether they tell me so last minute. After all, I only wanted a small one initially; with those I'm close to. As long as these people are there, it's good enough for me.


I wish you’d be there.
Perhaps that's all I ever wanted.
But maybe you'll never know that.

[edited on 8/8/2005: I'm glad I didn't invite you]

Like a summer breeze

Like a summer breeze, it comes and goes, and refreshes you in the process. Before I know it, the 3-month vacation will be coming to an end in a week's time. At least this time, it had been rather fruitful, unlike the previous one. I am thankful for the opportunities that I got and for the people that I've met during these 3 months. My colleagues, or rather, former colleagues, had been a wonderful bunch of people. It was them that made my stay there so enjoyable despite the occasional nasty calls. Even though most of us are studying in NUS and we might bump into each other at some time or another, I guessed the time span is much too short for any lasting friendships to be established. At times, human feelings can be rather strange. When I was still working, I wished the end of July would come soon. But now that the day has come, there is a sense of loss as well. A part of me wished that it would not end so soon. Yet time waits for no man.

Other than working, there was also the charity event organized by NVAC. Initially, I had agreed to help out with this event mainly because I had thought that I would not be able to find a job and this beats slacking at home. I had to admit that during the 2 months that we spent on this event, there were times when I was reminded of what happened in the past and the fear that history would repeat itself. Thankfully, it turned out to be anything but that. 16th July had come and gone. All those weeks of preparation materialized on that one day.

Then again, this event was not without its fair share of problems either. From the venue to the program to the response rate, it had not always been smooth sailing. When we were informed about the change in the venue, I was worried enough to call up the project director to clarify with him on whether this event was still part of the food festival. And he was nice enough to call me up that night to follow up on that question. When he started sharing about his fears and worries, I began to feel rather helpless, as it seemed that there is nothing much that I can do but pray for him. The program itself was plagued with problems too. At the first dry run, the time taken was far from our expectations and much change had to be done. The second dry run fared slightly better but it still wasn't good enough and time wasn't exactly on our side either. The idea of dropping one checkpoint area was brought up but none of us could bear to do so because of the efforts that each group had put in. Finally, it was circumstances (read: ndp rehearsals) that caused the civic district to be dropped.

Besides the programming committee, helping out with marketing had been an enriching experience too, though the rejections were not always so easy to accept and I did not exactly get along so well with the marketing head at the beginning.

However, I can't help but compare this to the time when we were organizing the run. Then, we did not have a clear direction and we seemed to be finding our way as we went along but this time, the committee had a leader in him. Though it was by no means a one-man effort, I guessed I do admire his capability in organizing this whole event and how the others in the committee respect and listen to him. It seemed there is much that I can learn from all these. In the midst of it all, I hoped that the initial purpose had not been forgotten.

Now, I can truly say that it had indeed been worth it. No doubt there was a sense of relief as well. But it has been 2 weeks and whatever adrenalin and determination that had propelled this entire affair had since died down. It seemed that we are just tying up the loose ends at the moment. Yet I know that this is one experience that I do not want to forget.

What on earth do you treat me as? You're just making use of me aren't you? You said all those things to me just because you needed someone to rant to and it seemed like nobody else is willing to listen to you right? And now that everything is over, you can just pretend that I never exist. Well, go ahead then. Do what you like. At least now I am able to see you as who you really are. I've been such a fool. But you know what, I did not do it for you anyway 'cos you ain't worth it. You are just one big jerk. I am so glad that I'm not going to see you ever again.

Finally

Today was the day. After these 2 months of preparation, it had finally come to this. In my past few entries, I had written that I hoped that all our efforts would be worth it in the end. And indeed it was. Though I didn't really have such a big part in this, I believed everyone in the programming team had done their best, and more. Though it was only for 2 months, I was really glad that I had decided to join the programming team, mainly because of all the wonderful people that I've met there.

The day did not really start off very well. Just the night before, I was praying that it would not rain today. Then when I board the MRT this morning, it started raining and it continued raining when we reached Little India MRT station. I had thought that the traditional games would be cancelled then. This got me a little worried because not only would the participants not get a chance to play the traditional games, the secondary school students with us would also not have anything to do too. As it happened, it actually stopped raining just before the first team arrived!! I don't know about the others but to me, it really was pretty amazing. Because despite all human efforts, certain things are simply beyond our control. I had not anticipated the response from the participants and initially I was rather worried that the response would not be that good. Somehow, I feel that the success of this event is not due to our efforts alone. Lord, thank You so much. I know it is only you who can make the rain stop.

Besides that, I was also grateful for the help from the secondary school students who tend the game stations. Without them, I guessed Tingting and me would not be able to cope on our own. And of course, the participants, as well, who were all so sporting and enthusiastic.

As always, I guess all things have to come to an end eventually. And I'm really glad it could end this way. Though it was only for 2 months, there is a sort of attachment as well. After all, we had been meeting every week since this started and it was becoming a sort of routine for us too. It's really strange sometimes, because a part of me wished it will not end so fast and another part is just so thankful that everything is finally over. But whatever the case, I am glad for this whole experience, however short it was.

Juz a fantasy

Ok, I guess most, if not all, of you will have no idea what I'm writing about below. But just bear with me k. I need to get this off my chest.

I knew this was coming. In fact, I tried so hard to prevent this from happening again. The last thing I want is for history to repeat itself. This time, I told again and again, things would be different.

There shouldn't be anything to it.

Daydreams, that's what it should be. I had thought that by setting a high standard, I could eliminate all possibility of it becoming a reality. In short, it was like daydreaming of living in a fairy tale and it's ok because I know that life will never be like that. By dreaming of something that I know will never happen, I do not set myself up for further disappointments. But you had to spoil everything with the things that you do. Though those little things might seemed insignificant to you, it meant a big deal for me.

Don't you get it? It was supposed to be a fantasy. My fantasy. Please let it remain as such.

Water into Wine

Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'

John 14:6


This is the new memory verse for the children, which means that June had already passed. That's rather quick, isn't it? As the day draws closer, I'm filled with trepidation and apprehension. And of course, fear as well. The fear that history will repeat itself. But I guess there's no point worrying is there?

I'm having a terrible headache right now. I thought I could last throughout the day but by lunch time, I was feeling too sick to carry on and I did not want to relate the wrong information to the callers. I guessed I won't be going to work tomorrow too. Oh well, I needed the rest anyway. The past few weeks have been rather tiring, with meetings week after week, countless rejections and the disappointment that follows. I wished that at the end of it all, I can say that all these has been worth it.

And He turns water into wine...

Yesterday, the children were taught on how Jesus turns water into wine. Some might wonder what is the significance of this. I mean, a magician could turn water into wine. Yet to me, this little miracle shows something else altogether. It wasn't a magical feat and it wasn't Jesus showing off his prowess. Just when everyone thought that there was no more wine for the guests at the wedding banquet and the servant girls started panicking, Jesus told them to fill the wine jars with water. At that point, did the servant girls doubt him and maybe even thought that he was insane? Probably. But I can imagine the look on their faces when they poured out what they thought was water and it turned to wine. The feeling of elation, gratitude and awe.

When you thought that all else is lost, He turns water into wine.
Lord, if You're willing, I believe You can....