After what had happened, I felt it is now time to write about this. The past 6 months had been difficult. I believed those close to me would know what happened, but what they did not know was the magnitude of which it had affected me.

It started when my grandfather had a hip fracture and had to undergo an operation. To cut a long story short, I prayed for healing so that he didn't have to go through the operation. God didn't heal his hip fracture, so he went for the operation in the end. To make matters worse, my mother and my auntie and uncle had disagreements over which hospital to admit him, and subsequently, the splitting of the hospital bills as well. Though I wasn't directly involved, I was upset with the way things had turned out.  It was so tiring to go to the hospital after work, only to hear them arguing over the same issues. And in the midst of it all, I stopped seeking God. Maybe I was angry and disappointed that God didn't heal my grandfather. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't just heal him miraculously so that my auntie and uncle and believe once and for all. I know He can do it if He wants to.

As the problems mounted, I went further away from God. I didn't do my quiet time and there are some times when I didn't pray for a few days at a stretch. Deep inside, I knew that my relationship with God had suffered and that I had to go back to Him, but I didn't know how. I became consumed with thoughts of self-doubts and unworthiness. I felt like a mess and that I had failed at everything. Nothing I did seemed right. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep because I was so depressed. Yet, through it all, NO ONE HAD A CLUE what I was going through. On the surface, I appeared alright. I still went to work and church as always. In fact, it was only once that I had sms a fellow sister in Christ in the middle of the night to ask her to pray for me. Looking back, I supposed I could have killed myself then and no one would know the reason.

But God is gracious, and through other happenings (which I shall write about at another time), He led me back to Him. In any case, the reason why I'm writing this now is because I realised that even though we belonged to the same body of Christ, there are times when we are clueless regarding the problems that our fellow brothers and sisters are going through. Sometimes, just a simple word of concern can mean so much. Of course, it would be unfair to expect others to know our problems and struggles when we don't share with them. Yet, there will always be tell-tale signs, and if we care enough to probe deeper, we can find out.

I pray that God will open my eyes to the hurts of my fellow brothers and sisters, and use me as a comforter in their times of needs.