Should I go?

This will be one of my rambling posts, so you can don't read it. I just want to get it off my chest.


I don't know why I had to put myself in such a dilemma. Perhaps it's just so hard to break away when you've been there for so long. I don't even know how to reply them now.

But it's nothing really. Nothing happened.
Yet maybe that's the problem.
There was nothing
Maybe it worked for them, but somehow I don't really feel belonged there.
Perhaps I never will, and I have been deluding myself all along.

It was like that last year, and the year before. So what makes me think this year will be any different. It has to end one day, right?

I hate to leave like this. I wanted so much for things to go right. A fellowship where there is trust and openness. But all I felt was emptiness. This feels like history repeating itself again.

Looking back now, I'm not even sure if there's anything that I could have done differently.
Except maybe to get out, instead of dragging it on year after year. There are only so many excuses I can make.