Tried this test again. The accuracy of it really creeps me out at times...



It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

I finally sent the email to Maurice. Perhaps I’ve decided that this is the best way. After all, how many times can I continue to delude myself, to make myself believe that there was something worth staying on for?

Because I was never a part of them.
Because I don’t belong there.
Because I can’t really get along with them anyway

Just take it that I am selfish. I want them to be concerned about me. To really treat me as a friend and not merely as a member of the group.

But that didn’t happen.

You know, there are two ways that people can hurt you. One is by the things that they do and the other is by what they didn’t.

I’m tired. I just gave up. I don’t want to carry on anymore. I don’t need to prove to anyone anything.

I don’t want to push all the blame to them. After all, I was partly at fault too. I didn’t ever open up much with them. I couldn’t.

But it’s not their fault. Some things just can’t be forced. And in their defence, they didn’t know how I had felt in the first place. So perhaps it’s best to make an exit now instead of dragging it on. Just didn’t realise that it has been so difficult to make this decision. Maybe I was still hoping that some things could change.


Jialing, Cheryl, Kris, Ryan, Joel, Jeremy, Ralph
Though you’ll never read my blog, I wish you all the best….
And if you happen to chance upon this entry, now you know how I feel but I guess that would hardly matter now….

Should I go?

This will be one of my rambling posts, so you can don't read it. I just want to get it off my chest.


I don't know why I had to put myself in such a dilemma. Perhaps it's just so hard to break away when you've been there for so long. I don't even know how to reply them now.

But it's nothing really. Nothing happened.
Yet maybe that's the problem.
There was nothing
Maybe it worked for them, but somehow I don't really feel belonged there.
Perhaps I never will, and I have been deluding myself all along.

It was like that last year, and the year before. So what makes me think this year will be any different. It has to end one day, right?

I hate to leave like this. I wanted so much for things to go right. A fellowship where there is trust and openness. But all I felt was emptiness. This feels like history repeating itself again.

Looking back now, I'm not even sure if there's anything that I could have done differently.
Except maybe to get out, instead of dragging it on year after year. There are only so many excuses I can make.