Here am I blogging in between lessons. Just waiting for 4 o'clock to come. Sometimes I wonder who actually bothers to read this blog. I mean, other than my close friends, who else would care about what I'm writing? My brother kept saying that my blog entries are boring, mainly because they're different from his. But that's just the way I write. I don't want to tell the whole world the happenings in my life everyday. Chances are nobody will be interested in that too.

But maybe I don't care anyway.

During my QT today, I started thinking about some things. Nothing new. They just keep resurfacing again and again.

Success. What do you mean by that?

Is it determined by the accomplishments that you've achieved? Or by the lives that you've touched? Sometimes I think: In my 21 years of life, what have I done? Am I considered a failure by societal standards? What about God's standards then?

What is it that I want? To be seen as pure and holy in God's eyes? Or to be seen as cool and popular by the world? I have to admit that often I was tempted to seek the latter...only to realise how fruitless it all can be in the end. No matter how much we try to rationalise it, this world really is superficial. We look only on the external appearances most of the time. All these talk about inner beauty and such, yet slimming centres and plastic surgery are still so popular.

oops...it's almost time...i better go for my lecture now...con't later....

World of difference

It was over, before it even began
Just like that

Sometimes I wonder:
How many times before I finally realised it?
It was just a fantasy to begin with
Why did I allow myself to indulge in it?
To believe, when there was nothing to it
Perhaps a part of me already knew the ending

I cannot do this anymore
There are other things out there

If I'd been more careful,
I'd have seen through it all
And see the truth as it is
Yet I chose to ignore it

No, you'll never know how I feel
We were different in so many ways
I cannot be who I'm not
And the same goes for you too

Different worlds. That's what it is.
What's left were the memories
And they'll soon be gone too

I know that some day I will find what I seek
And you won't be a part of that =)

the first 3 weeks

Only the first 3 weeks and I'm already feeling this way. I must be getting old. After all, this is already my final year in NUS. And what happens after that? I don't really want to think about it. I guessed it's because I don't really know.

The children are really great. But at times I asked myself: Do I really want to make a career out of them? Or can I?

I realised that as I grew older, I became more sure of what I want to do instead of being so easily persuaded by others. But that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes either.

What should I do after I graduate? I guessed this is something I have to face sooner or later.

Well, maybe later then =)

after seeing you, i just realise the impossibility of it all

i guessed nothing matters more to u than the things that u want

turned out that i was wrong, right from the start

What's your life project?

So many things going through my mind right now. The situations that were mentioned during CB class were familiar to me, but perhaps it was too personal for me to share. Strange that CB is fast becoming a sharing session rather than a class. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. Most of the things mentioned were rather universal and should not only be confined to consumer behaviour. Perhaps that's what it's all about. Consumer behaviour is about the study of people after all. As such, all of us should be able to relate to it, since all of us are consumers at one time or another. Perhaps it is just that we don't really sit down and think about it much. Buying and consuming things are part and parcel of our lives and it is so entrenched that we don't even notice it. At times I wonder how much we would take back after all these are over. Would we still remember the theories and case studies learnt? Would we really apply them when we go out to work? We place so much emphasis on these but really, how important are they in our lives? How often do textbook theories work in real life? Perhaps that's why there are so many projects now.

Life project. Sometimes our whole life seemed like a big project doesn't it? We all seemed to be working towards different goals yet if we were to look beyond the differences, then we can see the similarities. A good education, a good job, a family etc. Don't we all hoped for a better life in future, though the definition might differ for some? When consumers consume products, is it not because it might take them closer to that goal? Regardless of how small that step may be, or how fleeting it may be. "Selling hope in a bottle". Yes, it might sound superficial but then again, who are we to judge? Don't we all fall into that category as well? Consumer behaviour might seem to be rather complex because we are all so different, but don't we all have the same needs? Marlow's, Carl Jung, Freud etc. I guessed people just like to categorize things into models, theories and so on. Perhaps it gives us the impression that it can be controlled. I mean, if we are able to break it down into models and theories, then perhaps that situation isn't that complex after all isn't it? We just feel the need to rationalize things that we don't really understand. Perhaps that's the case with our attitudes towards our Creator as well.

The unlikeliest of heroes

Today we watched the film, "Alive", during one of my classes. It was supposed to teach us about leadership but as I watched, I can't helped but wonder at the resilience of the human spirit. Basically this film is based on a true story of a plane crash in the Andes mountains. The plane was carrying a group of rugby players to neighbouring Chile when it crashed. And as the narrator had said at the beginning of the film, nobody could anticipate what he could do in that kind of situation until he had gone through it himself. Of the 45 people onboard the plane, only 16 survived at the end of it all. They had spent around 60 days on the Andes mountains, before they were rescued, surviving mainly on the dead bodies of their team-mates. There was some controversy regarding that but I shall not comment on that here.

I know it was supposed to be a lesson on leadership but as we went through the strengths and weaknesses of the various leaders in the story, I just wonder how many of us would behave that way too if we were put in that kind of situation. I guessed it won't be easy, not when it seemed like all is lost. But they never gave up; they continued hoping and praying. Perhaps there wasn't anything left to do but hope and pray after all.

Nando, the unlikeliest of heros. He used to be a shy and awkward teen but he rosed to the occasion. If he had not persisted in walking to Chile, the team would perhaps never be rescued. If there's anything about leadership that I've learnt from this story, it is that leadership isn't about position or being the smartest among the group. It's about doing the right thing at the right time. Above it all, it's also about believing in what you're doing. So is a leader born or made? I do not know but I feel that no amount of training can prepare you for something like this. Actually, does it really matter who the leader is, as long as you know you've done the right thing? Is power and control that important?

His grace....

"My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak"

2nd Corinthians 12:9

You might have guessed it, this is the children's memory verse for the month of August. It couldn't have been more apt, at least for me. Yes indeed, His grace is all I need. Yet I always wanted more. But certain things are simply beyond my control; no matter how hard I want it to go my way. Why is it that it is usually when I'm facing difficulties that I truly seek God again? Do I take Him for granted at other times? Behaving as if I do not need him? I guessed that's what I've been doing, and it shouldn't be. I really do not know how things will turn out in the end. Why should things always be so difficult? Maybe I've taken up more than I could handle. I wonder if I've made the right choice. I'm beginning to lose sight of the goal.

Everything is in Your hands now
Juz take it all away....

It was quite a short day today as I only had one class in the afternoon. After that, Ting and I went to the co-op to collect our readings and buy the consumer behaviour textbook. Kind of regretted doing so as the book and the readings were so heavy but I guessed it was better to buy it at once instead of putting it off too long.

Then we went to Little India, with Xiaoqi and Shaoting, to give the certs to the stallowners (finally!!). Actually I was a little afraid that the stallowners would have forgotten us because after all, it was already almost 1 month after the event. Thankfully, they still remembered us. Xiaoqi commented that all the stallowners were very nice and I couldn't agree more. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have been able to do this well either. Maybe I'm just glad to be able to finally wrap this up and be done and over with it. It's time to move on, Fiona.


During the class today, we were discussing on consumption. Someone mentioned somenting about gaining fulfilment from consuming products and that this fulfilment is getting shorter and shorter. It makes me wonder: should we be getting fulfilment, regardless of what kind it is, from consumer products anyway in the first place? And even if we do, do we really expect it to last forever? Of course not. We always seek what we do not have. A big car, a luxurious house, beautiful clothes, a good figure etc. Yet even when we get all these things, would we really be happy? Well yes, maybe for a short while. Then we'll start pursuing other things again. It never ends does it? It's just like what King Solomonn said in Ecclesiastes, "A chasing after the wind". And how many times have I fallen into that trap? Tempted to pursue things that I know will never last instead of seeking that which is eternal. It doesn't matter what the marketers do, or how many adverts they throw in our face. Are we so easily influenced by the things that we see around us? Did we not believe what the marketers say because perhaps deep inside, we wanted to believe them, even though we are aware that what they say is not entirely true? We can go ahead and blame society, the government, the marketers and so on but in the end, it all boils down to the individual. After all, we are all free to make our own choices in life.

Yet I know that whatever my choice may be
There is Someone who will always watch over me and walk beside me
As long as I am doing His will
He said He'll never forsake nor abandon me
I want to shine again. For Him.
Please re-ignite the flame...

Thank you!!

It's finally over. A very big thank-you to everyone who had attended, though there really wasn't much food =P. I really hoped all of you had enjoyed yourself that night because your presence really did make a difference for me.

Aikia:
Thanks for coming, even though you had to come alone. Heez, sorry 'bout the parking thingy. Yupz, I loved the earrings and the ring. Must teach me how to make one day k...

Ting, SJ and Zh:
It was really sweet of you to give me that (though I was quite afraid of breaking it..hee).

Swee Yee:
Heez...sorry that there wasn't much food left by the time you came. Thanks for rushing down after work! Also real glad that you and Aikia could get along so well....

Simin and Yonglun:
Thanks for coming down all the way from Jurong! Thanks for the gift too (the glass pendant rite? I'm getting a little confused here..haha). Lun: thks for missing CG for tis..hoped you'd enjoyed urself...

Ruoting, Shaoting, Xiaoqi and Xiuli:
My secondary friends. Though we did not keep in touch much, thanks so much for taking the effort to come.

My OG (Claire, Huiling, Hock Beng, Huifang, Xiuqi, Huiyun, Jason, Jianliang):
Thanks for coming! You all really livened up the place...

My LG (Maurice, Cheryl, Jialing, Ryan and Kris):
I loved the sheep, it's so cute!! Thks for the book too, it really is a timely gift. Oh and dun worry Ryan, I'll put the $7.50 to good use..hehe..

Yimei, Johnson and Yvonne:
Thank you for coming!! Really appreciated it 'cos I won't be meeting u guys in NUS anymore...

Aaron and Shirley:
Thanks for rushing down after the course. Hoped all of you managed to squeeze into Simin's car after that...

My family:
Thank you for organizing this. All these wouldn't have gone through if it wasn't for all of you...

And most important of all, GOD:
Thank You for everything; the nice weather, the people and yes, even the food (cos it could've been worst).

I shouldn't be so concerned about the numbers. It really doesn't matter who goes or who doesn't go, or whether they tell me so last minute. After all, I only wanted a small one initially; with those I'm close to. As long as these people are there, it's good enough for me.


I wish you’d be there.
Perhaps that's all I ever wanted.
But maybe you'll never know that.

[edited on 8/8/2005: I'm glad I didn't invite you]