In the midst of my exams right now. I have papers for the next 3 consecutive days. Don't know if this is good or bad. Oh well, I'd rather get done and over with it. Don't really like things to drag on anyway.

Being thinking of quite a lot of things recently. I supposed that there are some things that I just have to accept. Problem is, I just can't seemed to let go. All I did was to bury it inside and after a while, it just re-surfaced again. When will it just go away? Maybe a part of me does not want it to go away? I don't know. But I am getting tired of these. Wished things were simpler and I do not have to think so much. Okie, concentrate on my studies. I can't afford to get distracted now.

There are times when I think that life is simply so unfair. Why is it some people are more loved than others? Why do they receive all the attention? How much attention can one person get anyway? What happens to the rest? Are guys really that shallow? Do they look only on the surface?


I know that I risk sounding like some discontented, envious person with that paragraph up there. But who cares anyway? So what if some people received more love? When what we really need is just one person to love us. Just one person to show that he cares. To love and respect me for the person that I am. I'm just so tired of people being nice to me just because they want to get something in return. I'd rather not know.


When will that person come along? Or rather, does he exist in the first place? After so many years of being alone, I'm beginning to have my doubts. When I saw my friends getting attached one by one. I just can't help but wonder. Wondering if my turn would come too. Then I wonder what I'll do if 10 years from now, things are still the same. What will I do then? What can I do? Nothing, perhaps. I'm not going to go after a guy. It hurts too much. If no one comes along, then so be it. God has a plan for me and I know that He'll reveal it to me in time to come.

No more dreaming...no more dreaming...no more dreaming....

I suddenly have this urge to blog today. Actually today has been a rather uneventful day. I only went to school for one lecture which was not very useful in the first place. Just got back the marks for my presentation and I don't feel very good now because I didn't do very well for it. Maybe I should have expected that in the first place. So why am I feeling so bad now? The exams will be coming soon and yet I do not feel the urgency yet. Why is this so? But then again, this time round, I don't feel as distracted as I did last semester. Maybe it's because there're some things that I've let go off. Some truths that I should have realised a long time ago. And I'm glad that it's finally over. That was no point anyway. No, I don't ever want to feel that way again. This time, I know better than to keep hoping and wishing for something that wasn't meant to be anyway.

I saw a video on the parable of the sadhu yesterday. Actually it was meant to reinforce the lesson on ethics but I feel rather emotional after that. I don't know but something in that story strike a chord in me. It made me wonder, how far would I go in achieving my goal? Just like climbing to the top of a mountain. Would I too sacrifice everything in order to get to the top? At the end of the day, would that be worth it? I mean, so what if I can get to the top? What happens next? Sometimes people are so focused on getting what they want that they forgot what comes after that. Is this everything there is to life?

Yupz...the interface below was just a test. I was testing out how to have an online booking system. Doesn't seemed to be going well so far. Haiz, me and my big mouth. Why on earth did I bring up that thing about the online booking? Won't it make my life easier if we just leave it to email instead? I'm beginning to think that it might take a miracle for it to go well. Stupid! And the worst part is, my exams are coming which means that I won't have time to figure it out anyway. Honestly, I do not know how I will do for my exams. So far, my results for the continuous assessment have been rather average. It's my fault. I haven't been spending enough time on my studies. So many meetings and all those late nights. Oh well, no point regreting it I guess. Better catch up on my studies now

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reading b/w the lines...

You know...at times, I really think I read between the lines too much. Perhaps things aren't always as complicated as I make it out to be. Wonder why I have to make life difficult for myself. Won't it be better if I just don't think so much? After all, what is the point? There are certain things that I'll never know anyway. Maybe it's better that I do not know.

I think I'm a horrible person. I am so judgemental and I find myself dissatisfied with the performances of most people around me. Thing is, I'm not that perfect and capable in the first place, so who am I to judge? What's wrong with me? So what if others do not live up to my expectations? Sometimes, I'm not even sure about my own expectations. Lord, why is this happening? I want to love the people around me; not to find fault with them. I know they are far from perfect, and so am I. Help me to see the good points Lord, and to accept them as they are.