I've just returned from a camp and there are so many things in my mind right now. You know, recently, I've realised that from every camp there is something that I brought back and this camp is no different either. Yupz, I liked my CG, I think it's wonderful and the people there are nice as well. The speaker sessions were really insightful, especially the first one and the women's conference. I guessed it's true that we can only find our identity in Christ and no one else. I knew this all along but it's just so difficult to put it into practice. Then again, aren't all things possible in Christ? Honestly speaking, I didn't cry that much during this camp, except during the women's conference.

I think I care too much about what people think of me when all that I should bother with should be about what He thinks of me.

Oh Lord, I do want to be a godly woman and love You the way You love me.

It didn't take me long to realise that only God can love me unconditionally and for who I'm really am. So why is it that I still feel insecure? Don't I have confidence in my relationship with God? Why am I letting the devil mess with my mind? Why am I believing his lies? Oh Lord, how I wished I could be with You now. When the others shared about what Your will is in their lives, I wished I could know it for myself as well. I guess I do have some inclination but I'm not sure if that really is the direction that God wants me to take. I had expected to be transformed in this conference, so why am I feeling this way now?

okie...my exams are finally over. Somehow, I don't really feel anything much. Maybe it's because I've not gotten over the exam mood yet. Oh well, will be going on the ship later. Hope it will be enjoyable. Guess I do need a holiday though what I would really want to do now is just to slack at home. Haiz...I'm going to miss the Singapore Idols finals tonight.

In the midst of my exams right now. I have papers for the next 3 consecutive days. Don't know if this is good or bad. Oh well, I'd rather get done and over with it. Don't really like things to drag on anyway.

Being thinking of quite a lot of things recently. I supposed that there are some things that I just have to accept. Problem is, I just can't seemed to let go. All I did was to bury it inside and after a while, it just re-surfaced again. When will it just go away? Maybe a part of me does not want it to go away? I don't know. But I am getting tired of these. Wished things were simpler and I do not have to think so much. Okie, concentrate on my studies. I can't afford to get distracted now.

There are times when I think that life is simply so unfair. Why is it some people are more loved than others? Why do they receive all the attention? How much attention can one person get anyway? What happens to the rest? Are guys really that shallow? Do they look only on the surface?


I know that I risk sounding like some discontented, envious person with that paragraph up there. But who cares anyway? So what if some people received more love? When what we really need is just one person to love us. Just one person to show that he cares. To love and respect me for the person that I am. I'm just so tired of people being nice to me just because they want to get something in return. I'd rather not know.


When will that person come along? Or rather, does he exist in the first place? After so many years of being alone, I'm beginning to have my doubts. When I saw my friends getting attached one by one. I just can't help but wonder. Wondering if my turn would come too. Then I wonder what I'll do if 10 years from now, things are still the same. What will I do then? What can I do? Nothing, perhaps. I'm not going to go after a guy. It hurts too much. If no one comes along, then so be it. God has a plan for me and I know that He'll reveal it to me in time to come.

No more dreaming...no more dreaming...no more dreaming....

I suddenly have this urge to blog today. Actually today has been a rather uneventful day. I only went to school for one lecture which was not very useful in the first place. Just got back the marks for my presentation and I don't feel very good now because I didn't do very well for it. Maybe I should have expected that in the first place. So why am I feeling so bad now? The exams will be coming soon and yet I do not feel the urgency yet. Why is this so? But then again, this time round, I don't feel as distracted as I did last semester. Maybe it's because there're some things that I've let go off. Some truths that I should have realised a long time ago. And I'm glad that it's finally over. That was no point anyway. No, I don't ever want to feel that way again. This time, I know better than to keep hoping and wishing for something that wasn't meant to be anyway.

I saw a video on the parable of the sadhu yesterday. Actually it was meant to reinforce the lesson on ethics but I feel rather emotional after that. I don't know but something in that story strike a chord in me. It made me wonder, how far would I go in achieving my goal? Just like climbing to the top of a mountain. Would I too sacrifice everything in order to get to the top? At the end of the day, would that be worth it? I mean, so what if I can get to the top? What happens next? Sometimes people are so focused on getting what they want that they forgot what comes after that. Is this everything there is to life?

Yupz...the interface below was just a test. I was testing out how to have an online booking system. Doesn't seemed to be going well so far. Haiz, me and my big mouth. Why on earth did I bring up that thing about the online booking? Won't it make my life easier if we just leave it to email instead? I'm beginning to think that it might take a miracle for it to go well. Stupid! And the worst part is, my exams are coming which means that I won't have time to figure it out anyway. Honestly, I do not know how I will do for my exams. So far, my results for the continuous assessment have been rather average. It's my fault. I haven't been spending enough time on my studies. So many meetings and all those late nights. Oh well, no point regreting it I guess. Better catch up on my studies now

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reading b/w the lines...

You know...at times, I really think I read between the lines too much. Perhaps things aren't always as complicated as I make it out to be. Wonder why I have to make life difficult for myself. Won't it be better if I just don't think so much? After all, what is the point? There are certain things that I'll never know anyway. Maybe it's better that I do not know.

I think I'm a horrible person. I am so judgemental and I find myself dissatisfied with the performances of most people around me. Thing is, I'm not that perfect and capable in the first place, so who am I to judge? What's wrong with me? So what if others do not live up to my expectations? Sometimes, I'm not even sure about my own expectations. Lord, why is this happening? I want to love the people around me; not to find fault with them. I know they are far from perfect, and so am I. Help me to see the good points Lord, and to accept them as they are.

I juz came back from doing a project 2 hours ago. Somehow, I felt that we weren't that efficient this time. In fact, it has been a while since I had a group like that. Maybe it was true after all. That it isn't that good to have guys in the group. Especially when it's only one guy who thinks that he is so smart. It simply complicates matters further. But I really shouldn't judge too much here and it is also true that there are guys who are really capable. I did met one such guy in the first sem. It was one of the best groups that I've ever worked in. But I know that it was not the group itself that was so great. Really, it was just that one person there who had made all the difference. At times, I'd wondered what it would be like if I wasn't in the same group as him that time. Would things be different then? Well, I believed that God has a reason for everything and even though I do not truly understand the reason behind this, I know that He does have a plan for me.

Oh no...some previous post got deleted!! Oh well, perhaps it wasn't meant to be read anyway.
I just want to say a Big Thank You to the person who agreed to help do the poster....Really thank God for that 'cos I really do not expect him to agree at all...Anyway, THANKS!!