Though I've never really talked about it, my mother's accident last year was a trying period for our family as well. Thank God she is recovering well now. Yet through it all, it revealed somethings that I rather not know. Apart from a couple of people whom I'm close to, the others from the group didn't really bother to ask how she was. At that time, I had just dismissed it because I'm sure they have their own problems and other things on their minds as well. Why should they be concerned about my problems? Then a few months ago, my mother and my cousin visited that place. Not one of them spoke to my mother and my cousin, nor did they ask how my mother was. I had dismissed it then too because, you know, people don't usually like to get out of their comfort zone.
But I'm thinking about these things now. Why?? Because those feelings are creeping back in...I'm tired. It shouldn't be this way. Perhaps I should just face up to the truth after all.
Unimportance. That's what it is. Even if I'm not there, no one notices. Because there will be no difference. Oh God, what will heaven look like? Will You notice my absence?
Yet I know, in the end, everything will be ok. Because I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, will make everything right again.
Even if I am unimportant in the eyes of the world, I know that I am important to God. And that's the only thing that matters. Maybe God is reminding me of all these now so as to tell me how futile it is to chase after humanly affections and love. If I were to live my life trying so hard to please others, I will never be able to please God. There are bigger things out there than these petty feelings. Still it's good to address these feelings instead of hiding them.
Jn 21: 18
Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go"
Where are You leading me God?
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