A conversation...

Had a rather 'interesting' conversation with a colleague this afternoon. He was talking about this girl he was chasing and how he had put on his best behaviour when he was out with her by not smoking and so on. Then he admitted that he wasn't showing his true self to her. And he went on to say that she herself seemed to be putting on an act as well. I replied jokingly that since both of them are pretending anyway, perhaps they really are compatible.

Jokes aside, I guess this is hardly a laughing matter. After all, if we can't be ourselves in front of the person we love, then to whom can we show our true self? Can a relationship that is built on lies last? How long before the true colours are revealed?

Posted on 29 Dec, Monday, 11.30pm

It’s Christmas again. Yesterday, there was the usual giving of presents in the office and almost everyone in my department went back with big bags of presents. Perhaps that’s the result of having so many colleagues. Sometimes, I wonder why it is that we have to exchange presents during Christmas time.

This year’s Christmas seemed to be more subdued, at least for me. Maybe I’m just tired. So many things have happened this year. I don’t even know where to start. But I thanked God for the good things, like my grandma’s operation, and also for the bad things, like the realization that some people are not what I expected them to be, because these incidents had helped me grow as well.

Then again, who am I to judge? After all, we are all sinners and capable of thinking evil thoughts and doing evil deeds. And that’s why we have Christmas. Pastor was right when he said this morning that the first Christmas wasn’t just a joyous occasion, but also one where great atrocities were committed when King Herod ordered the killing of babies, because he wanted to kill the baby Jesus. Yet the prophecy had to be fulfilled and Jesus was killed in the end, 33 years later on the cross.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)

And it is this love that He has given us. A love so strong it can wash away our sins. Yet we find it so difficult to accept because we feel so unworthy. Or because we had not experience this love in our lives. I had attended church since primary school but it was only until the end of JC 1 that I accepted Christ in my life. And I had accepted Him not because my parents are Christian, not because I’ve been attending church since young, and not even because it seemed to be the right thing to do. But because I needed His love. There was a void in my life that only He can fill. A thirst that only He can quench. And on that night, I found my first love. No other man can love me despite all my iniquities. But it doesn’t just stop there. My life isn’t perfect and I know it will never be because I am still human. And I have to seek His forgiveness everyday because I still sin.

You see, no one can force us to believe. Yes, an all-powerful God can make humans love Him if He wants to. But a love that is forced isn’t really love, right? At the end of day, it’s still our choice to make.

Posted on 25 Dec, Thursday, 11.55pm

"Do we end up destroying the things we love?"

This question was posed in a book that I've just finished reading. What do you think? Some food for thought...

Christmas is about His glory...

Citygate church had a Christmas event on a ship this evening. Well, actually the ship was docked to the pier the whole time but we could still feel it moving. It was swaying quite a bit at one time and I kept praying that no one would feel 'seasick'. And I regretted eating so much sushi in the afternoon. But thankfully, there were no 'mishaps'.

After the dinner, there was a short skit by the youths, following by sharing cum magic show by a pastor (I forgot his name). Pretty innovative way of preaching I must say, though the children seemed to be most responsive.

Thanks Aver and Jace for attending. And in case you're wondering, they're Ting and XQ la. Haha.

Posted on 20 Dec, Saturday, 11.55pm

Arghh!

Why do I keep having rashes on my face nowadays? ):

Can someone tell me what to do?

Posted on 16 Dec, Tues, 11.50pm

Nature and Music...

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, we went to Hortpark yesterday morning. The plan was to walk to NUS from Hortpark, via Kent Ridge Park. The pics are up on XQ's blog (I forgot to bring my camera). Also met some new friends.

Actually, we wanted to go to NUS partly to lunch at the new Arts canteen. Ok, I know the canteen isn't that new anymore but I've not gone back to NUS since 1 year ago k. Apart from the Arts canteen and Computing taking over the Law Faculty, there weren't many changes. Biz canteen still have those colourful tables and the Western stall was still there, though it wasn't open yesterday. I guess a part of me still missed those days in NUS. Somehow, things were simpler then. But I know that we can never go back to the past and some things have changed.

After that, I went back to the office before meeting Kia and Yuejia for the piano concert. The concert was quite nice, with some entertaining performances by the instructors as well. And I did not fall asleep during the concert. Hee.

All in all, yesterday has been a rather packed day and my legs are aching now. Haha.

Posted on 14 Dec, Sunday, 11.55pm

Post-exams...

I am so glad my exams are over. I think I've blogged before that I do missed my schooling days. Just not the exams. Haha. And maybe I can finally use the book vouchers from Kia (as a birthday pressie) and the other from my company's D&D. Yay!!

Anyway, just a little update on what went on for the past 1 month. Nothing much actually since I've been 'rejecting' my friends' invitations to go out as I've to study =P. But there are some invitations that I just couldn't refuse because it will only happen once in a lifetime. Like the weddings of my two friends. Cindy's and Calvin's on 16th Nov, followed by Paul's and Huiling's on 29th. Maybe I'll put up some photos when I received them. Kia said RJ had put up photos of Huiling's wedding on his facebook. But since I've no facebook, I couldn't see them. So I shall just wait for the 'official' photos from Huiling. Oh, Kia also made us these lovely pearl bracelets with a little ribbon. So sweet right (:

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"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

I remember hearing these vows on TV shows when I was young. But the strange thing is, of all the church weddings I've attended so far, I don't remember hearing this whole phrase in its entirety. Especially the last five words. Some replace it with, 'for as long as we shall live' (I think), which has basically the same meaning I guess.

And another phrase that I like...

"What God had joined together, let no man separate"

Unfortunately, this is not the case in some marriages. Whatever happened to "til death do us part"? Yet who am I to judge here? I am not condoning divorces but are there times when it would be better to divorce than to stay on in a loveless marriage?

Well, like the old saying goes: "Marriage is a gamble". And I shall just stop here in case I got carried away and start ranting again.

Something happier then. Hortpark on Saturday morning with Ting and XQ and a piano concert with Kia and Yuejia in the evening. Thank God for dear friends like them...

Posted on 9 Dec, Tues, 11.45pm

Blogging Siesta

Yup I'll be taking a break from blogging until after 9 December. Don't miss me ya =)

Baby Gareth!

Baby Gareth was born yesterday, 12.33am at 3.51Kg (I think). Kia has posted his picture on her blog, so I shall not put it up here lest she said I 'infringed' on her copyright again. Bleah :P

Then and now...

One was taken in 2005 during my 21st birthday and the other during CNY this year. 2004 and now...

Yes..I know I'm supposed to be studying =P

Blessed be the little children!

I like to look at old photographs and see how much we have changed through the years and maybe reminiscence on the past as well. Yes, I can be quite sentimental.

And speaking of the past, I happened to bump into an ex JC classmate last Thursday in Tampines. She was with her mother, her maid and her 11-month old son. Furthermore, her second son will be due this December. Honestly, I could never image her as a mother, and much less a mother of two soon too! Well, I guess we are getting older and this is a reality I cannot run away from.

I went to the children's home again on Thursday evening. The girls were doing their devotion and sang some worship songs. They knew all the songs by heart and as I sat there listening to them, tears just swell up in my eyes because it was such a lovely sight. After that, we taught them how to make sock puppets, and it proved to be quite a challenge as there was only so few helpers. The children had quite a fun (albeit wild) time though.

Priscilla later told us that most of these children come from troubled family backgrounds and a number of them had been subjected to physical or sexual abuse. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14). Yet it was their closest kins who have hurt them the most. At least at the home, they would be able to find the solace that they need, though it might never be a substitute for a real home.

I think it takes so much to be a parent. To be responsible for a little person's life. Cos the emotional scars that were formed during childhood would inevitably be brought into adulthood, and further perpetuate when that child, who is now grown-up, has children of his own as well.

I don't think I ever want to be a mother...

Posted on 8 Nov, Saturday, 10.20pm.

I met Renee, Iris and Mel at PS after work yesterday and we ended up eating at Crystaljade Kitchen. Nice dinner, with wonderful accompany and fellowship as well. What more can I ask for? It's amazing how friendships could develop over guitar lessons.

Iris also said something that made a whole lot of sense. Can't really remember the exact words but it was a timely reminder of how much God loves us and how He knows what is best for us.

Here's wishing you a blessed 1st wedding anniversary my dear sis!

Posted on 4 Nov, Tues, 11pm

Tomorrow...

I so want a massage right now...haha...body's aching all over =(

Anyway, here's a hymn that we sang during service this morning. Nice and meaningful.


I KNOW WHO HOLDS TOMORROW

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One who stands by me.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.


Posted on 2 Nov, Sunday, 11.20pm

Zzzz...

I am so tired today...

Tired of people complaining..and here I am complaining as well =P

But Lord, this battle is not mine...


Ok...so u didn't reply me...whatever..I'm too tired to bother anymore...

I've said before that life is too short to be angry too long with someone.

I think you know who you are but I'm not even sure if you still read my blog. If there is a chance that you do, I just want to let you know that I am happy for you and her.

And I am sorry for the things I have said over MSN. If you'll forgive me for my childish behaviour, please let me know by posting a comment or post in your own blog or in whatever way you choose. Thank you.

Go fly kite??

I went for the GE Women 10K run this morning. Ok, I didn't really run, except maybe a little at the beginning. Angie and I were walking throughout most of the run. But at least we managed to complete it :)

Anyway, after that, I went for service before meeting Ting, Xq, SJ and Jason in the evening.

So we head off to Pasir Ris Park in Jason's car. As Ting puts it nicely, it really is nice to have someone who drives in the group. (Ask JM to buy a car also la..haha..)

And guess what we did at Pasir Ris Park? Kite-flying!! It was my first time flying a kite. I didn't know it can be so fun. Initially we couldn't get it flying and me, Ting and Xq were struggling with it. We almost wanted to give up but Jason said that we won't go for dinner until it could fly.

Thankfully, we had some help from an elderly gentleman, who we later found out is a member of the Singapore Kite Association. He lent us some of his own kites to fly too.

Was also thinking about the lessons that we can learn from kite-flying that can be applicable to real lives as well. When is it the time to let go or to pull back? If we let go of the string too quickly the kite will fall, yet if we were to hold on too tightly, it'll never be able to fly high. Similarly, in life too, we should let go when we are supposed to instead of holding on so tightly to something that isn't meant to be ours in the first place.

On another note, if I were the kite, then God must be controlling the string, Jesus is the string, and the Holy Spirit is the wind.


Posted on 26 Oct, Sun, 10.40 pm

....

It's almost the end of October. Soon, we will come to the end of 2008. Perhaps it is a little too soon to be writing about 2008 when it has not ended yet. On most accounts, it hasn't been a very good year, for me at least. Well, the year had started out promisingly but somehow, the events that ensued were beyond our control. It seemed that so many things had happened during these span of 10 months. People come and people go. Even the people I thought who would not leave had left as well. It was so different from the previous year. Yet, in a way, the past almost always seemed better. It is thought that we would be wiser as we grow older, but could it be also that there will be more regrets as well. Inevitably.

But then again, it's not the end of 2008 yet. Maybe it will get better. We can always hope, can't we?

Posted on 25 Oct 2008, Saturday, 12.30am

Goodbye...

Today was my boss' last day at work. She'll be migrating to Australlia after her retirement. I never would have thought that she would leave so soon, but many things are beyond my expectations anyway.

Yet in spite of everything, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow in this area of my life. Though she might not have been a very personal boss, she had always been very supportive of us, and defending us when needed. And I admire her for her integrity, because to me, that is one of the most important characteristics for a boss to have.

Well, it is said that a picture speaks a thousand words, so here's one...

Posted on 11 Oct 2008, Sat, 12am

D and D

Just came back from the company's Dinner and Dance. It was quite fun. Got to see colleagues dressed up to the nines, and of course, the talent time was very entertaining as well. If you want to know more, ask me k.

I still remembered the first D&D I went to 2 years ago, and it fell on my birthday that year. Anyway, for this year's, I wore the same dress that I had worn during the Centennial Dinner, because I couldn't find another suitable dress.

But this time I brought my digi cam, so here are some pics...

Me with Stella

With Sam

Posted on 5 Oct 2008, Sunday, 2 am

Floral Walk

Went for a walk with the Floral Min to HortPark this morning. Will put up some pics later. I definitely want to visit that place again some day. Maybe with Ting and Xq?? Hee...

Last Sunday, Pastor Kai Ming talked about moving mountains. Ok, maybe Mt Faber doesn't really qualify as a mountain but anyway....

And he quoted this verse from the Bible, which I think is really a timely reminder for us as well:

So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel:

'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,'

says the LORD Almighty.

Zechariah 4:6

By Your spirit, Lord....

Here are the pics, as promised...

The group

Actually I wanted to post more pictures of the flowers but it's so difficult to post pics on blogger. Or maybe my computer is just slow. Heez.

Posted on 1 Oct 2008, 10pm

Forgiveness

Today, during our guitar lesson, the topic was on forgiveness. It is one of the most preached about topics and yet, one of the most difficult to practice as well.

Why do we find it so difficult to forgive? Is it because we feel that by holding grudges and not forgiving the person who had hurt us, we're actually hurting that person back as well? But in the end, it is us who will be hurt eventually.

No, life is too short to be angry with someone for too long. Besides, a person who truly cares for you will not hurt you intentionally either. And for someone who does not bother about you, he or she is not worth any of your tears, or bitterness for that matter.

Haha. But this is easier said than done.

Posted on 16 September 2008, Tuesday , 12.30 am

Frenemy??

I was randomly surfing the net, while waiting for my hair to dry, when I came across this interesting word. Frenemy.

Got this definition from Urban Dictionary

A person with whom you may have a lot of fun and/ or a lot in common, who also has a vile and random dark side. These relationships are worth doing a cost/benefit analysis on. Also, limiting relationships with frenemies to non-SO relationships is a must. Why? Because it’s ultimately all about them after all, and you will need to be in a position to get away from them for indefinite periods of time. Know too, that you will probably become their frenemy as well—because you won’t be able to keep from talking behind their back. If this happens, don‘t expect everyone to get it—some will wonder why this person enrages you so much and others will wonder what you see in them.

It is recommended for your own safety/sanity that you limit yourself to one frenemy at any given time in your life.

Do you have a frenemy in your midst?

Posted on 10 Sept 2008, Wed, 12.46am

Post no. 202

I've been wanting to blog about this since last week but somehow just didn't get down to it. Ok ok, I'm lazy :P

Anyway, I watched "Wall-E" with Kia last Sat at Marina Square. Had used the 1 for 1 offer by GV since it was my birthday month. It was quite a nice show. A feel-good movie with a happy ending. It started off by showing the consequences of pollution, though I felt that it was rather unrealistic as some of the buildings were still standing, intact, after 700 over years. Oh well, guess it's just an animation. But I like the quote made by the captain of the spaceship: "I don't just want to survive, I want to live." Haha, don't we all?

Contrast this with another movie I caught with Kia, Yuejia and Yuejia's friend 2 Saturdays ago, "12 Lotus". It had such a sad storyline. And throughout the show, I kept hoping that something good can happen to Lotus (the lead character). That perhaps there can be a happy ending for her. But it was not to be.

To digress a bit, I heard this song on Kia's blog sometime ago. She's learning to play it on the piano. Maybe I'll learn it too someday. A very big 'maybe'. Haha.

My Valentine

By Martina McBride

If there were no words

No way to speak

I would still hear you

If there were no tears

No way to feel inside

I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart

Until the end of time

You're all i need

My love, my valentine

All of my life I have been waiting for

All you give to me

You've opened my eyes

And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before

In my dreams i couldnt love you more

I will give you my heart

Until the end of time

You're all i need

My love, my valentine

Posted on 7 September 2008, Sunday, 6p.m.

After the dinner...

I had promised to update on the dinner tonight. It was held at the Raffles Convention Centre ballroom. Quite a grand affair I guess, since the PM was the guest of honour.

The food was pretty good, with some lobster dish as the appetizer. Maybe I'll upload a picture of it once I figure out how to do so from my handphone. Didn't really take many pictures actually as my hp camera has such a low resolution. Maybe someone will send me some pictures later.

But honestly, no matter how good the food was, it just couldn't measure up to the dinner with Ting and SJ at Marche last Wednesday. Because at the end of it all, it really is the company that matters.

Posted on 26 Aug 2008, Tuesday, 11PM

Back!

I'm back! Haha...

Ya, decided to open my blog again after all due to the following reasons:

1. After 'violent' protests from some of my friends (ok, maybe not really violent), and Kia even said that I was anti-social. Bleah =P
2. It is much too troublesome for my friends to have to log in just to read my blog. And yes, I admit I was lazy to send the email too...
3. Initially, I closed it as I was thinking of changing the blogskin, but decided against it in the end as I still like the current one. And I was lazy.

Anyway, I don't think I'll re-activate my Facebook account anytime soon. I think I've already wasted too much time on it, and it is definitely something I can do without. To Kia: I know I did rant quite a bit about Facebook when I first started on it, but people change =)

Centennial dinner tomorrow. Wonder how it'll turn out. Watch out for updates tomorrow night, if any!

Posted on Monday, 25 Aug 2005, 11.26pm

I think...

that there must be flowers in heaven...

Run...run...run...

Someone told me that my blog is getting too emo...haha...so I shall blog about something happier today.

Went for the Shape run with the girls today. Quite fun I guess, though I had walk almost half of the 5km. And ended up with 2 bruised big toes as I stupidly forgot to cut my toe nails.

Well, besides the obvious health benefits, I find that a run can be rather therapeutic too. Next up, GE Women 10K!

Posted on 20 July 2008, 11.30pm

What am I good at? Can I not bother about anything anymore?

Finding Joy...

The church organised a floral workshop yesterday. They had invited an instructor from a floral training school to demonstrate some of the techniques used in floral arrangement. Well, perhaps 'techniques' wasn't the right word to use since he did not really emphasise much on the technical aspects.

He touched on something else instead. He said that in floral arrangement, we should not always be too focused on the little things that we lose out on the big picture altogether. And that we should never get upset over the conditions of the flowers we have either. Simply because we cannot always control the kind of flowers we get. There are times when the flowers can be really beautiful and other times when they just look lackluster.

I guess there had been times when I was too concerned about the condition of the flowers or too focused on the design. In the end, I had somehow forgotten the pleasure that I used to get from simply arranging the flowers. In the midst of all the control, we missed out on something more important. The joy that flowers can bring us. And it is this joy that will be reflected in our arrangements as well.

Is this the same with life too? Do we sometimes get so upset with trivial matters that we allow them to take away our joy in living?

Maybe I'll put up some pics in my Facebook later...=P

Posted on 22 June, 11pm

Dwelling...

For those who didn't know, I just came back from a camp organised by Kia's church. It was held at Sofitel Palm resort in JB from 8 - 11 June.

The theme was on His dwelling place. And as the name suggests, there was quite a bit of free time for us to just slack around. There was also a silent meditation session every morning at 7.30 am, though we (me and my 2 roomies) were quite ashamed to have only made it for 1 session out of 3. I think the guys beat us to it by attending all 3 sessions.

On the final night, the speakers decided to pray for each of us individually. Well actually, they prayed for the married couples first before getting round to us singles.

When they prayed for me, one of the speakers mentioned Moses and his staff. I didn't understand it. Or maybe a part of me just didn't want to...

Posted on 13 June, 11.30 pm

Letters and memories

I was doing some 'spring cleaning' at my grandparents' place this afternoon when I chance upon some old letters. They were letters from some friends that were written way back when I was still in secondary school. Around 8 or 9 years ago?

Reading them really brought back memories and it's amazing that we still kept in touch after so many years. I think you know who you are right? It's funny how some things don't change even though we don't communicate through letters anymore. Maybe it was because of the use of other communication tools such as msn, emails and even Facebook. Yet somehow, I missed those handwritten letters. There was something about them that couldn't be replaced by electronic communication, no matter how advanced it is.

To my dear penpal of 9 years ago, did you still remember that we wrote a song together? And yes, I do keep all your letters =)

Posted on 1 Jun 2008, 9.30 pm

The most beautiful things in the world...

It's such a big world out there. Yet I tend to limit myself to only what I can see around me. I saw this quote today:

The most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen nor touched, but they can be felt with the heart.

How apt this is! And true too...

I wonder how many times we've envied others for having the things that we do not have or can never be, instead of thanking God for what we have and for who we are. Is that just human nature?

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During cg last Friday, we were going through 6 steps for praying in faith and I felt that I had a trouble with step 5 - Accept God's will in faith.

But I guess that if we asked, we should be prepared for the answer. And there are certain things I just have to accept, and trust that it is for the best.

Posted on 26 May, 11 pm.

Don't take offense...

Pastor's wife said something about the above this morning. She was saying that especially for us women, who are more emotional and having deeper feelings, we might be more inclined than men to take offense at the words or behaviours of others towards us. But that's not to say that men do not have emotions; it's just that women are generally more sensitive as compared to men.

Anyway, she went on to say that we should not feel offended so easily but should just let it go. Guess that's true in a sense too. After all, what's the point in habouring grudges and holding on to things that were already past?

Posted on 18 May 2008, 11 p.m.

Friends

I'm beginning to agree with what someone told me some time back. He had said that as we grew older, we'll find it more difficult to establish new and lasting friendships. We might know more people but how many are truly our friends? I've realised that most, if not all, of my good friends are from my school days. But then again, I've only been working for 2 years, so maybe it's still too soon to tell.

Posted on 14 May, 11.30 p.m.

Rebellious stomach

I think my stomach's rebelling. I only had one and a half slice of pizza on Wednesday evening and ended up with diarrhoea on Thursday. And I had a stomach ache this morning even though I did not take any dairy products yesterday.

Should I just go on a diet of plain porridge and veg?

Posted on 12 May, 11 pm

Fake

Perhaps at times it is a blessing in disguise to simply live in oblivion. Like there are certain things I rather not know, because knowing only leaves me feeling disillusioned and even disgusted with their behavious. Ok, maybe disgusted is a little strong. After all, who am I to judge right?

I'm just sick and tired of two-faced people, and all the gossiping. It seemed so easy for them to be so nice in front for that person, and then gossip about her behind her back.

Oh, why do I even bother? It's not as if I didn't know this before. I had hoped for genuine relationships, but most of the time, all I saw was fakeness and masquerades. Who says there are no politics? Maybe that which is not apparent at first will lurk its ugly head in the end.

I should have known better.


Everyone has turned away,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.

Psalm 53:3


Posted on 8 May 2008 at 1 a.m.

Reap a destiny

Quote from Pastor Jon:

Sow an action, reap a habit
Sow a habit, reap a character
Sow a character, reap a destiny...


Posted on 4 May 2008, 9.45PM

Samson and Delilah

We watched this video on Samson and Delilah with the kids this afternoon.

Samson was a really strong man and his strength was a gift from God. However, if he shaved his hair, his strength would be gone. To cut a long story short, Samson fell in love with Delilah and told her the secret of his strength. This led to his downfall as she later betrayed him by shaving his hair while he was sleeping.

Anyway, the topic was supposed to be on self-control. Samson, strong as he was, had a really bad temper and a soft spot for beautiful women. Both of which caused him a lot of trouble. But really, I think it was more than just self-control. To me, Samson came across as a guy who was too trusting, especially towards the women he loved. And I am beginning to feel sorry for him, though it is easy to say that he should have known better.

The everlasting

Everlasting
By Dan Muckala and Jess Cates

The sky will fall.
The ground will give.
Through it all,
You will be faithful.

Friends may leave.
They come and go.
This I know,
You will be faithful
You will be faith ful

You will always be the same.
Your love will never change.
You are the everlasting
I will put my trust in You
Forever to be true
You are the everlasting

You're the Alpha and Omega
You're forever, everlasting


We learnt this song during our guitar class, which has already ended by the way.

I wonder what the songwriter was thinking when he wrote this song. Did he go through some incidents to make him realise that only God is everlasting?

Guess time changes how we see things, and people too, for that matter. Or rather, it makes us see certain things all the more clearer.

These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.

Relevations 3: 7-8

Ceaseless striving??

We went to Malacca over the weekend for a company seminar cum retreat. It was quite alright I supposed. First time in Malacca, but we didn't really get much time to shop around. Well, at least we can save the money. We should always think positive right?

The above is a diagram from one of the speaker's presentation. It was supposed to describe the various reactions to complaints, but I feel that it can apply to other parts of our life as well.

"Take Action" + "No control" = Ceaseless striving.

Guess there's no point trying to control things that are beyond our control. A chasing after the wind.

Seminar aside, I read Kia's blog and in it she mentioned that perhaps true love is a cash cow invented by the media. I supposed it is true that love has been sensationalized and romanticised by the media. How could something that was supposed to be true love 5 years ago turned out otherwise 5 years later, she asked? How can someone who loved you in the past hurt you so much now?

Well, people change. And maybe true love doesn't exist. Or maybe it does. How will we know? But we choose what to believe in. And I want to believe, however hopelessly impossible it might be, that true love does exist.

Went to the children's home on Thursday night with some of my church mates. It wasn't for very long. Around one and a half hour. Playing games, watching a video and talking to some of the kids. Don't really want to share everything here, or I'll start boring everyone. I do not really know much about their backgrounds and why they are there. On the surface, they all seemed like any other child in the streets. Yet we know they came from broken families. Some are rather affectionate, especially the younger ones. Craving for attention and that human touch. And above all, for love and security. Then again, aren't we all looking for that in our lives and our relationships with others as well?

I guess many times we forgot that love can exist in many forms. And the greatest of them is agape. I remembered what one of the professors in Bizad had said to our class. She said that her husband, who is also a professor, had told her that whenever he taught a class, he would try not to 'judge' them by their physical characteristics, but to see them as who they are individually. There are times when I had felt unloved and worthy. Voices in my head telling me that there is nothing good about me. Yet, deep inside, I refused to believe it. You don't love because of what that person had done or has not done, or what he/she can do for you in future. God loves us while we were yet sinners. Because we are all special in His eyes. Would God ceased to be God if we do not love Him? Similarly, would we cease to be who we are if someone we love does not love us back?

Love is about giving, not taking. Not forced or earned, only felt. And love, in its truest form, isn't about possessing. After all, no one really has the right to make demands on love.

Here I am blogging at 1 a.m. in the morning. Don't ask me why.

There are so many things that I wished to blog about. To just write my thoughts and feelings down before I forget about them. Yet, I know that in the end, it would be impossible to record all here.

I just finished reading two books by Paulo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes" and "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". Guess I had developed a fondness for his books after reading "The Alchemist". Basically, there's a common theme that runs through these books, which is about chasing after our dreams. In The Alchemist, the shepherd boy was searching for treasure, while in Eleven Minutes, the prostitute, Maria, was looking for love. I also started reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" again.

It is as if I had re-discovered the joy of reading once again. I remembered that during my secondary and JC days, I had loved reading. But somehow, I didn't read that much during my Uni days, except perhaps the textbooks and reading materials.

To me, one of the simple pleasures of life is to have a good book to read, and a nice glass of milk to drink (But then again, I'm lactose intolerance. Haha). Yes, I know I can be easily contented.

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In a blink of an eye, the first quarter of the year had already passed. It seemed like so many things had happened during the past three months. Yet at times, it seemed as if nothing has changed.

Three months into the new system, work has more or less settled down for most of us, except for a few problems that somehow refused to go away. But other than the occasional hiccups, things appeared to be back on track, and once again, I am able to leave the office before 7pm on most days.

At times, I feel that it is so easy to get stuck in the rut when things are going well. The temptation to stay in our comfort zones and not move. After all, what is the point of getting out into the unknown, one might ask?

Oh Lord, what do you want me to do?

A step of faith?

It is said that faith is like taking the first step when we can't see the whole staircase.

Have I made up my mind or am I still wavering?

Wish some decisions are easier to make...

Dreaming...but...

I had a dream last night. In it, a friend told me something about another friend of mine. I won't go into details here but basically some questions about self-identity, insecurities etc. were posed in the dream. Questions such as "Maybe I wasn't pretty enough", "My teeth are not straight enough", "Am I fat?" and so on.

Then I woke up and realised that it was just a dream. Yet the realism of that dream hit me like a sudden splash of cold water. I had wanted to believe that love will be blind to all shapes and sizes, but deep inside, I know that physical appearances do matter. Perhaps it's time that I stopped living in my own fantasy world and wake up to reality. After all, "Man looks at the external appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".

BUT, at Pastor Kai Ming preached this morning, there's always a 'but'.

BUT the Lord looks at the heart...

We are all beautiful princesses in His eyes...

22 March

Watched "Step-up 2" with Renee today. Not much of a storyline but the dance moves were amazing. And Renee thought that I only go for jazz and social dances. No, no. I like all kinds, except 'para-para'.

Yesterday was Good Friday. I went for service in the morning, and met Kia for dinner before going to a friend's wedding at night. Quite a packed day wasn't it? Kia drove me to the wedding at the Singapore Swimming Club. She's so sweet. Which guy wouldn't fall for a gal like her? (Kia: pls dun bash me up. I really mean this k) If only I was half as nice as her, then perhaps...

Well anyway, the friends who got married yesterday was a JC classmate. She was the second JC classmate's wedding that I had attended after the one last year. And there will be more to come I supposed.

An idealist?

I did another personality test and got this result.

Your Temperament

Your talents fit:
An Idealist

Your personality is a mixture of several character types, but the role it most naturally fits is the idealist. Idealists live in an abstract world of thoughts and ideas, but care deeply about finding a way to contribute to the good of society in a concrete, observable way.

Idealists are genuine and empathetic, have a hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, and prefer to focus on the personal, human side of life. They are enthusiastic and warm. They tend to find themselves involved with personal growth wherever they go.

Idealist's Motto:
• I want to discover the truth in life.

Natural job talents:
Whether assisting in the personal aspects of business or working directly in a healing profession, idealists trust their own feelings over any other source of information. They are always looking to better understand themselves and the world. They are identity seekers, are imaginative, and are creative in the way they communicate their thoughts. Your personality fits this pattern.

Best environment:
Seek out environments that allow you the freedom to be yourself and to think freely. Avoid tasks that are fast-paced, discipline-oriented, and rigid. When you work on a task, every step you take creates a new idea for you. You enjoy this and it benefits all other areas of your life. When you are surrounded by co-workers who limit this freedom or who are not flexible or curious, your enthusiasm begins to suffer. Avoid such situations.

Biggest weakness: Idealists have a hard time remembering facts or figures. When a topic doesn't hold potential for insight or imagination, you will quickly get bored with it.

Most important: Idealists become stubborn when they feel that someone is restricting their freedom. When you sense that you are becoming stubborn, the solution is to stand up and walk around for a few minutes. Your brain operates best when it has movement and freedom.

Co-Workers:
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication doesn't work well for you. Such situations make you feel restricted and tempt you to become stubborn. You work best when you are given the freedom and time to follow your hunches and impressions.

The best co-worker for you: A fellow idealist or a thinker - someone who is optimistic and flexible. Since you tend to jump around in your thoughts, you work best with people who are capable of following multiple levels of associations within a conversation.

The worst co-worker for you: Someone who is impatient or pessimistic.

Achilles Heel:
• Feeling guilty

Your Strength:
• Idealists inspire other people. Your enthusiasm is catchy.

Favorite Question:
'Who?'. Artists are known for asking 'Where?'. They want to know where the action is so that they can be there and help to sculpt it. Protectors are known for asking 'What and when?'. They want to keep things regulated. Thinkers are known for asking 'How?'. They want to figure out how things work. Idealists, however, are known for asking 'Who?'. They are most concerned about how decisions and actions affect people.

Waiting on a promise

I watched "The Leap Years" with Angie and Renee yesterday evening. Although Angie's son had told her that it wasn't nice, the three of us felt unanimously that it was a movie worth watching. Maybe because it is a romantic movie, and don't girls just love romance?

It was amazing how the lead actress, Li Ann, could wait 12 years for a guy. And perhaps something that could only happen in movies. Yet I couldn't help but agree with something that she had said in the movie.

"People tell me to find someone I can live with, but I want to find someone I can't live without."

I think I am a hopeless romantic at heart. And idealistic too. Perhaps 10 years down the road, when I am older and wiser, and when most of my friends are married with children, I will find such thinking foolish. But at this current moment, I guess I would rather spend my life waiting for this man I can't live without, than to simply settle.

I know the consequences of this belief. Friends, family and even colleagues are beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. How am I going to find a boyfriend if I'm not even doing anything to meet guys?

But how do I tell them that I am waiting for someone who might not exist in the first place? All I can do is to wait, and pray. For patience.

Here's to all the single women out there who are still waiting...

Floral arrangement

It was our group's turn for the floral arrangement 2 weeks ago. I decided to take some pictures of the process. Noticed that I wasn't in any of them since I was the photographer. Hee..

Preparing the flowers..

De-thorning the roses

Putting the leaves in first.

After adding in the flowers...

Another arrangement

Cleaning up after everything

There are some who feel that flowers are a waste of money and that perhaps the church does not need to spend money on them. To each their own I supposed. I love flowers, I don't deny that. They are beautiful and unique in their own special way, something that human hands can never create. They gave us a touch of nature in the midst of all the concrete, and also, a reminder that there are different ways to worship the Lord.

I wonder, how many times have we restricted worship to be only about songs and music? Or how some say that they can worship better to a certain song. I remember that a few years ago, the head of the music ministy in our youth group had commented that if anyone in his ministry had said that, he would step down as the head as it showed that he had failed to show them the true meaning of worship.

After all, in the end, it is the heart that matters.

Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.

John 4:23

Am I stubborn?

I think I can be so stubborn at times. Just like how in my previous post I had written that I'm lactose intolerant, then on Monday morning I drank fresh milk . As predicted, I had diarrhoea, followed by gastric in the afternoon.

Ting: But I still like to eat pasta and pizza =P


Anyway, I did this quiz just now. Think I'm starting to get addicted to these things...

It's a colourgenics test from http://www.goldinuniverse.com

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

My Working Style

Actually I took this quiz 2 years ago. Out of curiosity, I tried it again today. Perhaps to see if the results remained the same. Turned out that it was, which should not be that surprising after all.


Your Working Style
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. When you are care, you care deeply, but are more likely to show your feeling by deeds rather than words. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to things or people you care about.

You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values. You stick to your values with passionate conviction, but can be influenced by someone you care deeply about. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by quiet reserve.

In everyday activities you are tolerant, open-mind, flexible, and adaptable. If one of your inner loyalties is threatened, though, you will not give and inch. You usually enjoy the present moment, and do not like to spoil it by rushing to get thing done. You have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

You are interested mainly in the realities brought to you by your senses, both inner and outer. You are apt to enjoy fields where taste, discrimination, and a sense of beauty and proportion are important. You have a special love of nature and a sympathy with animals. You often excel in craftsmanship and the work of your hands is usually more eloquent than words.

You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you-- human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you deeply care about something, and are particularly suited for work that requires both devotion and a large measure of adaptability.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can be true even when you are being as effective as others. You take for granted anything you do well and are the most modest of all the types, tending to underrate and understate yourself.

It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become too sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself. Actually, you have much to give and need only to find the spot where you are needed.

The little ironies of life

I think I'm becoming lactose intolerance. Yesterday, I met Ting and SJ for dinner at Vivo. We went to an Italian restaurant and had pizza and pasta, both of which contained a lot of cheese. The food was really nice. But this morning I woke up with a stomach ache.

Thing is, I like cheese, and milk. But what happens when eating, or doing, something that you like (and supposed to be good) makes you sick? That's the irony of life I supposed. Perhaps I have to think of other ways to get my calcium now.

Anyway I had this conversation with a friend over msn a few days ago. Told him that work had been leaving most of us feeling frustrated recently, and he said why don't I quit? I replied I don't want to just quit. Then he said that I'll never quit in that case. Ah well, another irony of life I guessed. Just like what I told Angie before: sometimes we have to be careful what we asked for.

His Promise

The topic yesterday was on the sabbath. Even though this is not a new topic and has been covered previously and discussed during cg as well, it was a timely reminder.

Something pastor said yesterday strike a chord with me, and with most of the congregation as well I believed. He said that many of us couldn't stop working even on the Sabbath day because we had used work to form our identity. It is as if we had to be productive to prove our self-worth. And that is entirely pointless because our identity should come from knowing who we are in God's eyes.

Then he went on to say how setting apart one day as Sabbath was really about trust as well. Do we trust God enough to believe that we can stop working for just one day, out of 7 days a week? I admit that this is a constant struggle for me, 'cause I don't think I can ever do enough.

If we can't trust God with our time
How can we trust God with our life?

That's something to ponder on.

Read in the Masterlife 3 on Friday that faith is believing something even when we can't see it. Like what the future holds.

I don't really like waiting as I can be rather impatient. Yet perhaps that's what I should learn to do. To be patient and wait. Even though I can't see it yet, I know that in the end, it will be worth the wait.

Hymn Of Promise

Author: Natalie Sleeth, 1986

In the bulb there is a flower, in a seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter, there's a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There's a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery.
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning, in our time, infinity.
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory.
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

Hongkong trip

Went to Hongkong with my family last week. It was just a short trip, 4 days and 3 nights. Too short, according to some of my friends.

Anyway, my brother has put up some photos and a blow-by-blow account of what we did there. Go check it out if you have the time. I'm too lazy to blog about it. Haha.

Do we sometimes say things that we don't mean and regret it later? I know I do and most of the time, it was too late to take it back.

Sometimes I think of what it'll be like if it had went the other way. But I had chosen this ending so who am I to blame but myself?

Just let it go Fiona.

Stop acting like a spoilt little girl.

No one cares anymore.

Hurting inside but I know it will pass.

Just like the song by Corrinne May goes:

I'm not the easiest person to love...

'On The Side of Me'
By Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outsideand there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared

But you...
Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Beautiful for a moment

Happy Birthday Jessica!!

Ok I know it is a little belated but hoped you had enjoyed your birthday yesterday ~ hee ~

Anyway, the above is a photo of a cactus flower. I had gotten it from Kia actually and had shamelessly posted it here. Oops..hope there're no copyright issues. She told me that the flower only lasted for 1 night. This was similar to what Angie told me the other time too. Hers only last for only 1 night too. Nevertheless, it's beautiful, isn't it? And perhaps, in a way, the fact that that it was short-lived makes it all the more beautiful and precious. I didn't knew something so small could bloom such pretty flowers. Never judge a plant by its size I guess.

Oh oh...and I saw this poem in a book that I was reading and felt like sharing it with my readers out there.

A Woman's Question
By Lena Lathrop

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing,
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart and a woman's life,
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing,
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul,
Until I have questioned thee.

You require that your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirts be whole;
I require that your heart be as true as God's stars,
And as pure as His heaven, your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts -
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon just as He did on the first,
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young but the rose may fade,
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me amid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell,
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life,
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook,
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

Musings

Two days ago, I had lunch with Kia at NYDC. It had been quite a while since we went out together. Actually I gave her a treat to thank her for lending me her guitar for the Christmas party. Also gave her the super-belated Christmas present, at long last. I had intended to give her something else but as I had left it in the office, I gave her another gift instead. Well, perhaps the first gift wasn't meant to be?

Anyway, we also saw this cute little baby at the restaurant and he kept bouncing up and down while seated. So cute! Then I was telling Kia about how babies have big heads not in proportion to their bodies. And she went on to say that I like big-headed things. Haha.

Work these days is still rather hectic, but there has been an improvement from the beginning of the year. It's the learning curve I guess. I remembered that when I first started work 1 and a half years ago, I was so tired after work that I seldom switch on my laptop when I got home. After all, I had faced the computer the whole day at work. But nowadays, I have been spending more time on the computer, outside of work. Maybe I am getting used to the grind of work, so to speak.

Now, I like the internet and especially chatting online, since it is so easy and it allows me to do other things while remaining connected with the person I was chatting with. Even my company allows, and encourages, us to use instant messaging in the office as another form of communication. I felt that there's nothing wrong with that, provided that it is used for the purpose that it is intended for in the first place, to communicate quickly and without fuss to the other party. After all, it's not much different from using a telephone right? But is that really so? Can we really get to know a person through such means? As I was mentioning to a friend earlier (through msn of all things), it is much easier to say something online than to say it face-to-face. Yes, words are important, be it written or spoken, but communication is more than simply words. How well can we get to know a person through emails, msn etc? No matter what, it will usually only be one-dimensional. And when it finally goes beyond the internet, we might come to realise that that same person is different from what we had expected him or her to be.

It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Yet, more often than not, the online environment prevents us from seeing that. Then again, perhaps the problem isn't with online chats or emails per se, but rather, it lies with the fact that most of us are wearing 'masks'. Trying to be who we're not. And what better way to do so than through the internet.

It is only when these masks are taken off that we can truly be who we are inside. I am like that too. Only those who are close to me saw me as who I really am. Those who love me will accept me for who I am, though not condoning my wrongs at the same time. While those who can't accept it could only see the mask, but not the girl behind it. And when the mask came off, they were unable to recognize me anymore. Guess that's the difference between true and superficial love.

I thank God that He loves me for who I am.

Why am I so easily frustrated these days?

I put the above as my nick on msn yesterday and some of my friends started asking about it. Didn't really know how to answer them. Guess it was largely due to the stress from work. Then this verse came to mind.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31


Have I been trying too hard? Trying to do it on my own instead of depending on God as my source of strength? Trying to control things that were evidently beyond my control? I guess this is not only true for my work life, but for my personal life as well.

I should just take Kia's advice and let nature take its course instead of thinking too much.

Wanted to upload some photos taken today but am too lazy now. Maybe tomorrow then.

Iron coated with velvet

Just came back from a beatbox contest at expo. It was quite alright I guess. Rather interesting to watch the contestants 'pitting' their skills against each other. Then there were the special guests, Darren Tan, Milo Peng (Kia: Hehe) and 5566. As expected, 5566 drew the loudest applause and cheers from the crowd (if it was considered a crowd in the first place). People were going forward to take videos and photographs of the group performing, and some stood on their chairs. Well, Renee and I just sit back and relax. Haha. Anyway, we were not the only ones. My other colleague and his girlfriend also just sat where they were. Actually, the tickets were complimentary from my company.

Enough about that. I had intended to blog about the above topic today. What does 'iron coated with velvet' mean? Actually, this was what my pastor's wife spoke about during the youth leadership training camp about 5 or 6 years ago. I remembered that that was a sesssion specially for young women, and though I had attended a few women's conferences before, this particular one had left an impression. She had said that women should be like iron coated with velvet. Soft and gentle on the outside, just like velvet, which is nice to touch. But strong on the inside, just like an iron rod. No matter how others try to bend us, we'll not break.

Complaining

During cg last week, the discussion somehow drifted to the topic on complaining. Our cg mentor brought up this verse,

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Philippians 2: 14-15

How apt, especially since I've blogged in my previous post on how much I have been complaining 2 weeks ago and the negativity it had brought about.

Then another verse was brought up:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

I guess we all have a choice. What would you choose to think of?

I have so many things going through my mind now that I do not know where to start. Perhaps a short break is beneficial after all. At least it allows me to think and reflect back on what had happened during the past few weeks. Existing problems and shortcomings were further amplified by the current situation. As I had blogged before, people were behaving out of character, contributing to the already tense atmosphere.

But I'm done with whining and complaining.

I am reminded once again of the story about the Potter and the Clay. After all, how many times in our lives are we able to experience this? Instead of embracing the challenges and striving ahead, we threw our hands up in the air and lament about the past and the 'good old days'. At times I feel sorry for this new system. Though it is true that there are still problems to overcome, I feel that it was not given a fair trial. We were so inclined to compare it to the past system, so much so that we forgot that the 2 systems were completely different. We went in with unrealistic expectations of what this system can bring, and when problems cropped up, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And in a way, this attitude is reflected on how people were treated as well. This comparison between the old and the new, and failing to see that both are completely different. I know comparison is inevitable and more often than not, it boils down more to the person who is doing the comparison than those who are being compared. The new might never be as good as the old in terms of experience and knowledge. The sad thing is, very few people realise this. Perhaps they'll never understand until they are in that situation themselves, and even then, they still might not.

But I don't seek their understanding. Not anymore. People can compare all they want but they have to realise eventually that we are different. I admit that I was hurt by all these comparisons before but I've come to realise that this is one shortcoming that God wants me to overcome. A stronghold that I have been struggling with since the first day I came. I have to stop letting pride get in the way. After all, I am not here to knock anyone off the pedestral. There isn't a need to.

Just as it is with the new system. The old is never coming back again. We can either adjust our mindset and accept this new system for what it is, with its advantages and disadvantages; or we can continue looking back at what is past and in the process, forgetting that we are living in the present.

Where there is a need...He will provide...

It's Saturday again. Somehow, a part of me wishes that the weekend never ends. But I guess everything has to come to an end eventually. I thought the week before was hectic, and that things will be alright once the system is up and running. I thought wrong. This week has been anything but that. Almost everyone seemed tense and impatient and all of a sudden, people started getting on each other's nerves. It was beginning to get difficult to keep our cool when the pressure was on us.

At times, I wonder why it is that God has to put us through all these. Yet I believed He has a reason for everything. Just as what one of my colleagues said a few days ago, through this system change, we could see the other side of our fellow colleagues.

Through it all, I still thanked God for small mercies. After all, there is nothing too big or difficult for Him to handle. And where there is a need, he will provide.

New beginnings?

Have been staying back late at work for the past one week, to the extent of working til 12mn last Thursday. What a great start to the new year.

It has only been one week and I'm already starting to feel burnt out. Also realised some things that I would rather not know. Why do people always say things that they do not mean? Or am I being rather naive here for always taking things at face value? I am tired of second guessing the intentions of others. I just don't want to care anymore. Perhaps Renee was right after all, I always turn the other cheek, and ended up getting hurt over and over again. Am I too quick to forgive and forget? Should I just learn to protect myself so that I won't get hurt so easily?

One of my colleagues said last week that if going to heaven means praising God all the time, he would rather not go to heaven. That makes me kinda sad because this was coming from a person who has (or had) been a christian all his life. To me, heaven isn't only about paradise, it is also about being with God. And there is nothing else I would want more. Because I know that only He could love me for who I am inside. And His love never fails...