A step of faith?

It is said that faith is like taking the first step when we can't see the whole staircase.

Have I made up my mind or am I still wavering?

Wish some decisions are easier to make...

Dreaming...but...

I had a dream last night. In it, a friend told me something about another friend of mine. I won't go into details here but basically some questions about self-identity, insecurities etc. were posed in the dream. Questions such as "Maybe I wasn't pretty enough", "My teeth are not straight enough", "Am I fat?" and so on.

Then I woke up and realised that it was just a dream. Yet the realism of that dream hit me like a sudden splash of cold water. I had wanted to believe that love will be blind to all shapes and sizes, but deep inside, I know that physical appearances do matter. Perhaps it's time that I stopped living in my own fantasy world and wake up to reality. After all, "Man looks at the external appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".

BUT, at Pastor Kai Ming preached this morning, there's always a 'but'.

BUT the Lord looks at the heart...

We are all beautiful princesses in His eyes...

22 March

Watched "Step-up 2" with Renee today. Not much of a storyline but the dance moves were amazing. And Renee thought that I only go for jazz and social dances. No, no. I like all kinds, except 'para-para'.

Yesterday was Good Friday. I went for service in the morning, and met Kia for dinner before going to a friend's wedding at night. Quite a packed day wasn't it? Kia drove me to the wedding at the Singapore Swimming Club. She's so sweet. Which guy wouldn't fall for a gal like her? (Kia: pls dun bash me up. I really mean this k) If only I was half as nice as her, then perhaps...

Well anyway, the friends who got married yesterday was a JC classmate. She was the second JC classmate's wedding that I had attended after the one last year. And there will be more to come I supposed.

An idealist?

I did another personality test and got this result.

Your Temperament

Your talents fit:
An Idealist

Your personality is a mixture of several character types, but the role it most naturally fits is the idealist. Idealists live in an abstract world of thoughts and ideas, but care deeply about finding a way to contribute to the good of society in a concrete, observable way.

Idealists are genuine and empathetic, have a hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, and prefer to focus on the personal, human side of life. They are enthusiastic and warm. They tend to find themselves involved with personal growth wherever they go.

Idealist's Motto:
• I want to discover the truth in life.

Natural job talents:
Whether assisting in the personal aspects of business or working directly in a healing profession, idealists trust their own feelings over any other source of information. They are always looking to better understand themselves and the world. They are identity seekers, are imaginative, and are creative in the way they communicate their thoughts. Your personality fits this pattern.

Best environment:
Seek out environments that allow you the freedom to be yourself and to think freely. Avoid tasks that are fast-paced, discipline-oriented, and rigid. When you work on a task, every step you take creates a new idea for you. You enjoy this and it benefits all other areas of your life. When you are surrounded by co-workers who limit this freedom or who are not flexible or curious, your enthusiasm begins to suffer. Avoid such situations.

Biggest weakness: Idealists have a hard time remembering facts or figures. When a topic doesn't hold potential for insight or imagination, you will quickly get bored with it.

Most important: Idealists become stubborn when they feel that someone is restricting their freedom. When you sense that you are becoming stubborn, the solution is to stand up and walk around for a few minutes. Your brain operates best when it has movement and freedom.

Co-Workers:
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication doesn't work well for you. Such situations make you feel restricted and tempt you to become stubborn. You work best when you are given the freedom and time to follow your hunches and impressions.

The best co-worker for you: A fellow idealist or a thinker - someone who is optimistic and flexible. Since you tend to jump around in your thoughts, you work best with people who are capable of following multiple levels of associations within a conversation.

The worst co-worker for you: Someone who is impatient or pessimistic.

Achilles Heel:
• Feeling guilty

Your Strength:
• Idealists inspire other people. Your enthusiasm is catchy.

Favorite Question:
'Who?'. Artists are known for asking 'Where?'. They want to know where the action is so that they can be there and help to sculpt it. Protectors are known for asking 'What and when?'. They want to keep things regulated. Thinkers are known for asking 'How?'. They want to figure out how things work. Idealists, however, are known for asking 'Who?'. They are most concerned about how decisions and actions affect people.

Waiting on a promise

I watched "The Leap Years" with Angie and Renee yesterday evening. Although Angie's son had told her that it wasn't nice, the three of us felt unanimously that it was a movie worth watching. Maybe because it is a romantic movie, and don't girls just love romance?

It was amazing how the lead actress, Li Ann, could wait 12 years for a guy. And perhaps something that could only happen in movies. Yet I couldn't help but agree with something that she had said in the movie.

"People tell me to find someone I can live with, but I want to find someone I can't live without."

I think I am a hopeless romantic at heart. And idealistic too. Perhaps 10 years down the road, when I am older and wiser, and when most of my friends are married with children, I will find such thinking foolish. But at this current moment, I guess I would rather spend my life waiting for this man I can't live without, than to simply settle.

I know the consequences of this belief. Friends, family and even colleagues are beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. How am I going to find a boyfriend if I'm not even doing anything to meet guys?

But how do I tell them that I am waiting for someone who might not exist in the first place? All I can do is to wait, and pray. For patience.

Here's to all the single women out there who are still waiting...

Floral arrangement

It was our group's turn for the floral arrangement 2 weeks ago. I decided to take some pictures of the process. Noticed that I wasn't in any of them since I was the photographer. Hee..

Preparing the flowers..

De-thorning the roses

Putting the leaves in first.

After adding in the flowers...

Another arrangement

Cleaning up after everything

There are some who feel that flowers are a waste of money and that perhaps the church does not need to spend money on them. To each their own I supposed. I love flowers, I don't deny that. They are beautiful and unique in their own special way, something that human hands can never create. They gave us a touch of nature in the midst of all the concrete, and also, a reminder that there are different ways to worship the Lord.

I wonder, how many times have we restricted worship to be only about songs and music? Or how some say that they can worship better to a certain song. I remember that a few years ago, the head of the music ministy in our youth group had commented that if anyone in his ministry had said that, he would step down as the head as it showed that he had failed to show them the true meaning of worship.

After all, in the end, it is the heart that matters.

Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.

John 4:23

Am I stubborn?

I think I can be so stubborn at times. Just like how in my previous post I had written that I'm lactose intolerant, then on Monday morning I drank fresh milk . As predicted, I had diarrhoea, followed by gastric in the afternoon.

Ting: But I still like to eat pasta and pizza =P


Anyway, I did this quiz just now. Think I'm starting to get addicted to these things...

It's a colourgenics test from http://www.goldinuniverse.com

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

My Working Style

Actually I took this quiz 2 years ago. Out of curiosity, I tried it again today. Perhaps to see if the results remained the same. Turned out that it was, which should not be that surprising after all.


Your Working Style
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. When you are care, you care deeply, but are more likely to show your feeling by deeds rather than words. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to things or people you care about.

You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values. You stick to your values with passionate conviction, but can be influenced by someone you care deeply about. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by quiet reserve.

In everyday activities you are tolerant, open-mind, flexible, and adaptable. If one of your inner loyalties is threatened, though, you will not give and inch. You usually enjoy the present moment, and do not like to spoil it by rushing to get thing done. You have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

You are interested mainly in the realities brought to you by your senses, both inner and outer. You are apt to enjoy fields where taste, discrimination, and a sense of beauty and proportion are important. You have a special love of nature and a sympathy with animals. You often excel in craftsmanship and the work of your hands is usually more eloquent than words.

You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you-- human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you deeply care about something, and are particularly suited for work that requires both devotion and a large measure of adaptability.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can be true even when you are being as effective as others. You take for granted anything you do well and are the most modest of all the types, tending to underrate and understate yourself.

It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become too sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself. Actually, you have much to give and need only to find the spot where you are needed.

The little ironies of life

I think I'm becoming lactose intolerance. Yesterday, I met Ting and SJ for dinner at Vivo. We went to an Italian restaurant and had pizza and pasta, both of which contained a lot of cheese. The food was really nice. But this morning I woke up with a stomach ache.

Thing is, I like cheese, and milk. But what happens when eating, or doing, something that you like (and supposed to be good) makes you sick? That's the irony of life I supposed. Perhaps I have to think of other ways to get my calcium now.

Anyway I had this conversation with a friend over msn a few days ago. Told him that work had been leaving most of us feeling frustrated recently, and he said why don't I quit? I replied I don't want to just quit. Then he said that I'll never quit in that case. Ah well, another irony of life I guessed. Just like what I told Angie before: sometimes we have to be careful what we asked for.

His Promise

The topic yesterday was on the sabbath. Even though this is not a new topic and has been covered previously and discussed during cg as well, it was a timely reminder.

Something pastor said yesterday strike a chord with me, and with most of the congregation as well I believed. He said that many of us couldn't stop working even on the Sabbath day because we had used work to form our identity. It is as if we had to be productive to prove our self-worth. And that is entirely pointless because our identity should come from knowing who we are in God's eyes.

Then he went on to say how setting apart one day as Sabbath was really about trust as well. Do we trust God enough to believe that we can stop working for just one day, out of 7 days a week? I admit that this is a constant struggle for me, 'cause I don't think I can ever do enough.

If we can't trust God with our time
How can we trust God with our life?

That's something to ponder on.

Read in the Masterlife 3 on Friday that faith is believing something even when we can't see it. Like what the future holds.

I don't really like waiting as I can be rather impatient. Yet perhaps that's what I should learn to do. To be patient and wait. Even though I can't see it yet, I know that in the end, it will be worth the wait.

Hymn Of Promise

Author: Natalie Sleeth, 1986

In the bulb there is a flower, in a seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter, there's a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There's a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery.
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning, in our time, infinity.
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory.
Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see.

Hongkong trip

Went to Hongkong with my family last week. It was just a short trip, 4 days and 3 nights. Too short, according to some of my friends.

Anyway, my brother has put up some photos and a blow-by-blow account of what we did there. Go check it out if you have the time. I'm too lazy to blog about it. Haha.