three weeks

It has been three weeks since school started, and I guessed I've more or less gotten used to the pace. Before long, life will get more hectic with project deadlines, quizzes and so on. Well, I guessed I will miss school life after all. Yet as much as I would like to keep this moment forever, the reality is that life goes on and we all need to move on as well.

Recently, there were people who asked me what I will be doing after I graduate when I told them that I will be graduating this semester. But thing is, I don't know. I really don't. I know that perhaps I should start searching for jobs now, or at least that's the advice I've been getting. Maybe I'm just not in a rush to start working yet. Funny that I don't really feel scared yet. Perhaps the reality of it has not really set in. Perhaps a part of me just wished that I do not have to graduate or start working. Yet I do not want to continue studying either.

Sometimes I wonder: is this all there is to life? Study, get a degree, get a good job, get married, have children, retire etc. Will we truly be happy then? Or rather, is life only about pursuing our own happiness? Am I placing too much emphasis on the things that will only last while we're alive on this earth and forgetting that there're will be so much more beyond our life here? This world can be so shallow. Placing our faith and trust in worldly possessions will only bring about greater hurt and pain when we finally realised where it's all getting to in the end. Nowhere.

At times we have to learn this the hard way. I know I have, and still learning.

I'm in that pensive mood again. Beginning to think that time is not an accurate indicator of the depth of relationship. Are my expectations really that high? Or did I get it wrong right from the start? I know I've blogged about this before, but I felt like doing this again. Heez...I've been in this group for 2 years and at times I feel that there's no progress at all. It shouldn't be like this should it? Where is the love here? Was it even there in the first place? I recalled what the teacher said during the TED sessions at Meta camp, he said that the opposite of love isn't hatred, it's indifference. Ya, that's the general feeling that I get in that group. Indifference. No matter how hard I try to reach them, it just didn't seemed to work. It takes 2 hands to clap. Well, many hands in this case. I can't do this alone and I am getting tired. I have tried, so many times before. And each time it turned out the same. It feels like ym all over again as the memories come rushing back. I though I could get away from it all but how could I when it's the same people again and again? I hate to just give up and go away but this has to stop some time right? I am not looking for a perfect lg but at least one that cares for each other. Lord, why is it still like this after all these years? 6 months. I'll try my best for these 6 months. If things still don't work out, then I guess I just have to move on. There's no point dragging things further.

the first week

The first week of school has just passed, though I only had 2 days of school (ok, it's 3 if i count the Saturday make-up as well). I think I've finally come to a decision regarding whether I should take honours or double major. Well, sort of anyway. And the thing is, I don't think I'll be doing either, 'cos I think I'll be graduating this semester. Although I'm not exactly looking forward to working ife either, I guess it is a reality that I cannot run away from. Maybe I'm just tired of school life, though I would prefer it to working. I guess I have to make up my mind sooner or later anyway.

3 more months to go. Somehow, I know these 3 months will pass by in a flash, just as it was before. I used to hope that the semester will pass faster so that it'll be holidays but this time's different isn't it? There are some people who have their whole career set out for them even before they graduate. Well, guess I'm not one of them. I honestly do not know what I'm going to do after I graduate but I guess things will always work out. After all, at the end of it all, what's really important?

Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

Does He care about how smart you are, how pretty you are, how popular you are etc? I'm thankful that He judge us not by the world's standard, but by how we are inside.

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelations 7:17

One day, we'll all be there. If only you'll believe.