In Grace

I'm glad to be back home. Yet I'm also glad that I'd gone though I've taken quite a long time to decide initially. As you could see from my previous posts, I had gone hoping that I could find the answers that I was searching for. And no, I still do not know what to do regarding that question but rather, some other answers were revealed during the past 3 to 4 days. Answers that were perhaps more important than what I'm currently facing now.

In grace I stand, not by works. Indeed, it is His love and grace that justifies everything. So many lessons that I do not know how to write all of them down here. Most importantly, I've learnt that God loves me and that I do not have to do anything to earn His love. A simple lesson yet at times I've forgotten this. Looking back at the things that I've done before, I've to admit that there are times, more often than I'd like, when I did things to gain God's favour. So that I could be at least more deserving of His love. That made me feel really stressed up and even frustrated when things did not go my way. Yet that is not what God wants, cos nothing that I do could make Him love me more or less. Thank God for that!!

Merry Christmas!!

It seemed quite a while since the last time I've blogged. Actually, there're a lot of things going through my mind right now and I wished I could write them all down here. But I guess I'm feeling a little tired now.

Perhaps I'm just not a very decisive person. Or is it because I'm not sure of what I want? Why are some decisions so difficult to make?

Going off for a camp tomorrow. Maybe it's good that it comes at this time as well. Perhaps I'll find the answers there. Perhaps not. Whatever it is, I know that everything happens for a reason. Merry Christmas peope!!

We are the reason

Chirstmas is coming again...and i'm reminded of this song...
by David Meece

We Are The Reason

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

And we were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts
And giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love

And we are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

I finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him
For Him

And we are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

He is my reason to live

Last Sunday

Just attended a friend's wedding last Sunday evening. That was actually the second wedding that I've attended in a span of 3 weeks. Maybe I am getting old after all, though the bride and bridegroom were not exactly from my age group. Guess it is a reality that I cannot run away from, considering that I'll be graduating soon and so would most of my peers. Most of them would probably be working and ready to settle down in a few years' time as well. A few years down the road, perhaps weddings will be the only time that we are able to catch up with each other.

Don't get me wrong. I've nothing against weddings. In fact, I loved the way two people are able to come together before their friends and family, and most importantly, God, to profess their love for each other. I'm really happy for my friend who got married 4 days ago. She was someone who had made an impact in my life in my first year in NUS, not only through her teachings but through her actions as well. I'm glad that she was finally able to find someone who she could spend the rest of her life with.

You know, weddings always leave you with this kind of feeling and at times it makes me wonder:

when will you ever appear?

do you even exist?

maybe i should just forget about it....

Cats and dogs

Kitty cats and puppy dogs. If you ask me, this is what I've brought back from the camp. Of course, there are much more that I'd learnt as well, with regards to the children, the programs and the other leaders.

A kitty cat thinks: You feed me; you pet me; you shelter me; you love me. I must be God.

A puppy dog thinks: You feed me; you pet me; you shelter me; you love me. You must be God.

Which attitude should I be taking towards God? It goes without saying that it should be that of the puppy dog. Yet there are times I act like a kitty cat, more often than I would like. How different life would be if I could just put God at the center of my life, yet even by thinking that way I'm actually putting myself first. When will I ever learn to put God as first priority in everything that I do? Why do I always have to be tempted by my desires when I know very well at in the end, it's Jesus who truly matters? Often, I've cared too much about others' perceptions of me to the point that I forgot that it is what He thinks of me that is more important. Too many times I've taken God's love for granted and it is as if Jesus had died in vain. When one of the speakers shared about how she had felt when her baby died and how she had held back even when she prayed to God, I remembered how I had often done that with my problems as well. I can say that I trust God to take control yet in my heart I still refused to let go; refusing to believe that God can make things right.

The children were really wonderful, though at times they can be rather mischievous. Well most of the time actually. And yes, they were rather pampered as well. The same goes for me too. I should be counting my blessings instead of complaining. Some things are beyond my control. So what if our team did not win any prizes in the end? What truly matter are the lessons learnt and the experiences gained. I wished the children could understand this. Yes, it would be nice to win but whatever it is there can only be one winner. Life isn't a 100m dash; it's more of a marathon and I guess we have to take it slow at times. Cos this race isn't about coming in first and Jesus had said that the first will be last and the last will be first. Sometimes, in our rush to win, we forgot about the things that are much more important, like our relationships with each other. Another thing that I've learnt is that actions speak louder than words, especially for children. Seemed that they learn more from what we do than from what we say.